Page 97 of See You Soon
The way my mother loved us unconditionally was what I envisioned myself striving to be with my own children. I'm in my twenties now and she still loves me the same way when I was just a child. She was even more overbearing with my brother when he was alive. Always doing everything she could to support him and make his life easier when he was home.
I run to my room and grab a positive digital pregnancy test I took at Target when I initially found out. I had it tucked away in one of my cardigans that hung in my closet. An idea popped into my head of how I wanted to tell him when we were driving over.
I threw off Danny's clothes and replaced them with my scrubs. I hide the test in one of my pockets, securing it from falling out. I'm running late to work and I'm pressuring myself to hurry.
I do a quick scan of my room to ensure it hasn't been broken into while I was gone. So far, everything looks the same as when I left it before Emilia's wedding. Even though I have a security system now, I wanted to double-check. I search for my Glock that I placed underneath my bed and it's still there. I push my body up from the floor and steadily head out of my room, rushing.
"I'll see you later Ma, love you!" I call out before I'm closing the door. I held it open, with one foot out onto the porch outside waiting for her to acknowledge me.
"Love you too, que Dios te bendiga!" She palms her cell phone with her hands to bid me farewell.
God bless you.
I close the door and jog towards Danny's truck, tennis shoes in my hand. His phone captures his full attention so much he doesn't flinch when I jump into the passenger seat. I start to push my feet into the soles of my shoes and my mind runs rampant.
Who is he texting?
For some reason, my mind travels to the blonde woman that I saw him with at the bar, the night he almost beat Shane to death.
He wouldn't.
I bite my lip and ignore my curiosity. I trust him.
He turns off his phone, throwing it in the center console. Cody Jinks begins to play through the speakers of the truck as he puts the vehicle in reverse, backing us out of my driveway.
The engine roars as he puts it into drive and presses on the gas. His truck smells like leather and cologne and I want to cling onto it. The plastic edges of the positive pregnancy test pokes into my hip bone and it sends my head swirling. My palms grow clammy, and I don't know how I'm going to announce my pregnancy without hurling.
I'm hopeful that he'll be just as excited as I am but Danny’s extremely unpredictable. One minute he's the man I fell hard for. Next, he's someone else.
I put one hand on my lower belly, running my thumb on top of my belly button over my shirt, wondering what my little one is up to in there. Are they sleeping? Are they dancing? Are they sucking on their thumb? I read in a pregnancy book they do those kinds of things. Thinking of what the unborn baby is up to is a good distraction from my impending future. Will he be mad that I've been keeping it from him?
I look at Danny and the sun shines across his face, his shadows outlining me. He squints at the road in front of him. He reaches towards the center console of the truck and grabs his aviator sunglasses and places them on. The lenses reflect obsidian black.
"It's almost been a year since Paul died." Danny manages to say through gritted teeth. I watch his hands tighten against the steering wheel. His knuckles turn white.
I start to chew on the insides of my cheeks, anxiously.
"I know. It's almost December." I intertwine my fingers, resting them on my lap. I look out the window as we get into the line to enter base. Every military post is guarded by security forces and the only way to get in is to show identification that you're affiliated with the government in some way. Whether you’re a spouse, veteran, dependent, or contracted worker.
The line isn't too long, and my heart begins to pound in my chest. I can't hold onto this news any longer.
A marine takes our IDs, his scanner hovering over the barcode of my ID. He scans it and a loud beep follows. He grabs Danny's and his eyes circle as he reads it. He looks up at Danny and finishes scanning his ID.
"Well, I'll be damned. It's Grim Reaper in the flesh. You're a fucking legend, sir." The marine hands him back his ID and then salutes Danny. Danny grows uncomfortable and clenches his jaw, looking down at his wallet, and tucking his ID away, and doesn't say anything in return.
"You're good to go, have a good day sir." The light in front of us turns green, signaling us to drive forward. Danny finally acknowledges him with a nod.
He rolls his window back up and I take my ID back from Danny's hand. He looks tense and I feel like any good that was in the air has been sucked out dry.
I wait until he parks his truck in the parking lot of the hospital before I open my mouth. He spins the dial of the volume down, and the music crescendos with his actions.
Nausea enters my head, clouding my ability to stay focused. I grab my backpack that I always take to work with me. I squeeze the straps, bouncing my knee anxiously. The uncertainty of his reaction is driving me insane. But again, the old me has a voice and it's shouting at me.
Trust him. He's a good man. Tell him.
Thenew meis hesitant and worried.
"Danny. There's something I need to talk to you about." I whisper. My voice comes out so low I'm surprised he heard me. I peek at him, and he turns towards me. I can see my reflection in his sunglasses. I look nervous and I hate how easily I can be read.
