Page 77 of See You Soon
"Umm, no. I can wait until the anatomy scan to find out if that's alright?"
"Of course it is. Some mamas don't want to find out until the baby is born. Everyone is different."
Doctor Moore hands me black and white pictures of the baby's ultrasound. I slowly take them into my hands, trailing fingers on my baby's face, picturing the baby in my hands when he or she is born. My mind travels to the future and I can't help my hormones. Daydreaming about what my future days would look like as a working mother. I couldn't help but get excited even though there was a lot of uncertainty. Still, the disappointment in myself lingers. I don't know who I am anymore.
* * *
Right after my appointment, I went to work. I continued working as a trauma nurse at the military hospital on post. Keeping the pregnancy under wraps was getting harder. I've managed to avoid anything dealing with radiology to maintain a healthy pregnancy. I didn't tell anyone at work just yet until I tell Danny. Then, I can celebrate freely without this secret weighing me down. I was afraid someone would get a hold of him and ruin the announcement for me. Just about everyone I worked with knew Danny Rider.
Operator, Grim Reaper.
A lot of my coworkers were active-duty military members and I couldn't risk it getting back to him. I hadn't realized how big of an impact he had on the military community until I started working.
Everyone around work also knew Paul. I was known as Paul's little sister and everyone welcomed me into the work environment with open arms.
I've been communicating with Violet over text messages and phone calls. I've stayed in touch with her to keep up with her new life at home and if she's heard any updates on Damon. She's been going to therapy and has recovered pretty well from her injuries. Still, there's no Damon updates.
My shift ended around seven at night and I went straight home, completely exhausted. Lately, all I want to do is sleep.
* * *
I arrive at my house and I find my mother watching her routine novellas in the living room. She left a dinner plate for me in the microwave.
"How was work mija?" She yawns and repositions herself on the couch.
I stop walking and sigh.
"It was fine, I'm just tired. I'm going to eat in my room." I shrug.
"Okay. Oh, Emilia is in your room. I told her you were still at work but she said she would wait for you." She says, her eyes never leaving the television.
"Great," I mutter. It's not that I wasn't happy to hear that she was in my room I just didn't have the energy to socialize. I've been on my feet constantly for hours and I just wanted to eat and sleep.
I drag my feet to my bedroom. Wondering why Emilia couldn't have texted me to give me a heads-up. I open the door to my bedroom finding Emilia scrolling through Netflix, in her pajamas.
"Ari! Before you try and kick me out, don't bother. I'm not going anywhere." Emilia rushes out. She crosses her legs and pats down my bed next to her. Her large engagement ring glimmers with her swift movements.
I give her a small tired smile.
"I'm not going to kick you out silly." I throw off my shoes and sit down at my desk in the corner of my room.
"Good."
"You didn't say anything to my mother about the pregnancy, right?"
"Of course not. You still haven't told her? Ari, what is wrong with you?" Her tone was baffled.
Her questions sting and I feel like I'm about to explode. I needed time to process the unexpected pregnancy without my friends or my family's input. I sit down, setting the plate of chicken down.
"Nothing is wrong with me. I'm just going through a phase. Pregnant by my dead brother's, best friend. A Navy SEAL who I just met this year. Yup, just one of those phases. I'm four months pregnant and the father doesn't even know." I shrug, sarcastically.
"I'm sorry Ari. I need to choose my words better. I'm just concerned for you. You're my best friend and I want to help. Will you let me help?"
"How? How are you supposed to help? I'm a fucking mess! How could I be so irresponsible with my body? I had a plan, Emilia. I wanted a husband and career first. Now look at me.I had a plan."My eyes are watering, breathing heavily, and watching Emilia.
"Ari! Stop it! Stop being so fucking negative. This baby is a blessing. Who the hell cares if you didn't do it the way you had planned? Nothing ever goes as planned." Emilia stands up, walking towards me. She's rubbing my shoulder, soothingly.
"That's easy for you to say. Mrs. Harry Santos." I scoff.
