Page 25 of See You Soon
It's nearing two in the morning now and I can't help but feel like I want the night to keep going, I want it to never end. Everything is just so simple right now in this moment, feeling the music blasting through my bones, with my closest friends.Everything is simple. I'm dancing right now in this bar for my enjoyment even though I can feel my bladder starting to bug me. I'm drinking way too much, and it's catching up to me.
The girls and I decide to sit at a table on the other side of the dance floor and catch our breaths after a couple of songs.
"Emilia! Have you guys picked a date yet for your wedding?" I ask while tying up my hair in a ponytail. Emilia is getting married to her college sweetheart, Harry. He graduated about a year ago and Emilia is just graduating this year. Both of them are computer science majors. He just landed a big job with a huge company, and he decided to propose soon after. He wanted to wait after he secured a well-paying job so he could gift her the wedding of her dreams.
"We did actually. Thank you for bringing that up. It's going to be a beach wedding, on one of the North Carolina beaches. And you guys are of course, my bridesmaids. What do you guys think of baby blue for the color of the bridesmaids' dresses?" She says, giddy.
"I think that's perfect. I love blue." Meredith exclaims, putting her palm on Emilia's playfully.
"Ok, but like... when is it?" I pry again.
"Sorry, it's going to be this fall. Autumn time. I love fall weddings; flowers are changing colors and scorching hot weather is leaving." Emilia says, getting excited.
"I'm so happ—"
Meredith cuts me off by tapping my hand frantically. She's looking behind me and my eyes widen. She's signaling that someone is behind me, and I don't even need to guess who it is. Emilia's smile turns into a frown as she sinks back down in her chair next to Meredith. What the fuck does Danny want?
I turn around rapidly, standing up at the same time, ready to finally blow off some steam. I'm drunk and feeling brave, I guess. My black hair whips around my face and I shout,
"What?"
To my surprise, it isn't Danny. It'sShane.
My heart sinks and my eyes widen with fear. Was he stalking me? First Chrome Beans and now this bar? My bravery subsides and I just feel uncomfortable now. Shane looks great but that's what enticed me in the first place, his good looks brought me in only to abuse me when I got close. He's wearing a striped button-up red shirt and jeans, his usual type of fashion hasn't changed.
"Is that any way to say hello to your first love?" Shane says as he puts his hand on his chest as if he's hurt by my tone. I scoff.
You were never my first love. The first guy to hit me, yes.
I ignore his lie of a remark.
"Umm, sorry I thought you were someone else. What are you doing here?" I rasp, panicking.
"I could ask you the same thing." Shane is eyeing me up and down now, licking his lips and I instantly cringe. I feel like he's undressing me with his eyes, and I can't help but feel like I need to run far away. My hands turn to fists and my bladder is now entirely screaming at me. I really got to go. "Well, this was fun," I say sarcastically with a fake high-pitched voice.
"But I got to go to the ladies' room now." I continue before starting to make my way toward the restrooms. I take one step before my hand is being pulled the opposite way and my fight-or-flight senses are now on high alert.
"Dance with me. Just one dance." Shane pleads and I can smell the liquor on his breath, heavily. I look at his brown eyes and shake my head with no remorse and shrug. He tightens his grip on my hands, but I pull away, finally releasing myself from him. His eyes are now darker, and I know that look very well. He never could take rejection well. His facial hair from Chrome Beans is all gone, and it looks like he's gotten a fresh haircut and shaved.
I turn on my heels, not caring about whatever he's feeling right now after I pulled away from him. He never cared about how I was feeling when he would backhand me so hard to the point, I spit out blood, and my cheeks were bruised for days. I would lie about my injuries whenever I was questioned about them by Paul and my mom.
I stumble across the dance floor, and I try to keep my balance straight so I can reach the restroom without twisting an ankle.
What the hell was Shane doing here anyways? He always told me he hated going into bars with me, but he enjoyed going to strip clubs with his friends of course. The way he keeps showing up in my life recently is starting to bother me.
I enter the restroom to find a girl reapplying eyeliner at the sink in front of the mirror, while her mascara is running down her face. After closing the tube of eyeliner, she reaches for paper towels and wets them, probably to clean up the black marks on her face. I wonder what this poor girl’s crying about.
After draining my balloon of a bladder, I wash my hands looking at my reflection in the mirror, taking myself in. All of the makeup I chose to wear tonight was very natural, the only thing that stands out is the red lipstick I have on my lips that fits my olive skin tone perfectly.
I force a smile on my lips when all I want to do is curl myself up and scream from grief and frustration. I feel alone. A bar full of more than a hundred people and my closest friends and I feel alone. I'm an only child now and my mother is always hovering, not respecting my boundaries. And my father, well God knows where he's at. He abandoned us when I was still in preschool and haven't heard from him since.
I need to learn how to be a strong independent woman. As cliche, as it sounds, it's true. I don't need to depend on anyone for my happiness. I'm still going to be successful and happy even though the two most important men in my life were no longer here to cheer me on. And then Danny comes into the picture sending me more down a rabbit hole and I don't know how I'm going to forget the way he made me feel that night. I fell for him. I feel hypnotized by his scent, the way he touched me, the way he makes me feel so alive and seen.
I'm so naive, crap, I'm in trouble.
He's older, more experienced, and he's capable of playing me so well.
I shake my head, snapping myself out of these sinful thoughts. He makes me want to indulge in these human desires, but my religion and insecurities keep me from doing so. I scold myself.
