Page 104 of See You Soon
"Keep going."
He backs away from me and brushes his hand through his beard. Instead of anger, his face carries a painful expression.
"Fuck, Ari! Why? It doesn't fucking matter anymore he's gone! He's not coming back. And it's my fucking fault." He roars.
"Tell me damn it! Talk to me! Nothing is ever that simple Danny." I plead.
He lets out a deep frustrated breath. My heart pounds inside my chest and I'm scared to know the answer but not enough to cower away. Not this time.
“No!” His voice sends shivers down my entire body. His wrath gets to me and I want to run.
“You’re right nothing’s fucking simple. Nothing is fucking simple about you getting knocked up. Everything is moving so fucking fast. Why did you have to make this so complicated?" He shouts, his teeth grinding, flashing his sharp incisors. He's loud and indignant.
“I made it complicated?I did?”
"I never wanted to be a father, Ari. And yes, I drink! Do you know why I drink? Huh? Do you? I drink because it's the only time anything and everything makes sense.”
“Enough is enough! I will not put up with this. I will not let you bury your guilt inside of me anymore. I will not be this woman that waits for her partner to come home drunk.” I yell. “Talk to me. Or I’m gone. I will raise this baby by myself. I will not watch you drown yourself in whiskey.” My words spit out of me like fire. This was a different side of me that I wasn't familiar with. I was never confrontational but that side of me has changed. Danny was bringing this new brave era out of me,forcing it.
I look at him and he's breathing heavily. He softens as my threat jolts him, sobering him up. Moments of dreadful silence pass by before he finally opens his mouth.
"We were on a mission. A joint mission with his team and mine. Paul and I were both leaders of our own teams. We were supposed to pull security on an area. A safe area, where we were tasked to eliminate a terrorist leader. We had our snipers ready to engage with them from a distance. This leader was number one on the most wanted list. This fucker was hard to find and finally, we were able to track him down."
My eyebrows are furrowed and I never move my eyes from Danny. His body begins to tremble.
"Paul... he's my brother. I trust him with my life and he trusts me with his. Some of the guys he was in charge of,didn't trust him.”He sighs. “The only problem was, nobody could agree on a safe area. He thought we could get the perfect shot from some other place in the woods. And he was right. It would have made the most precise shot. But, it wasn't a good idea. Deep down inside me, I knew it was a bad idea. The area was too good to be true but he really believed in his own plan." Danny sits down on his bed, resting his elbows on his lap, staring at the floor.
"An argument erupts between both teams. The vote was pretty much split down the middle of what to do and everyone was at each other's throats... except me. I stayed quiet the entire time everyone was arguing, trying to figure everything out in my head. Trying to make a calculated decision without having anyone interrupting. I was trying my best tosee both sides. Paul got frustrated and everyone looked towards me for answers. Rooker has the most experience but I have the most polished record out of everyone there which leads them all todemand meto take charge."
Danny lets out a shaky breath and he moves his neck to the side, popping it. I'm starting to grow fearful. I know I said I wanted the answers to his death but now I want to scream. I don't want to picture my brother dying now that I’m getting the details.
I want to just tell him to forget about it and cover my ears with my hand. I don't think I'm strong enough to hear about the details of my brother's death.Shit, this was a mistake.
"And I can't bring myself to disagree with Paul. My instincts were telling me otherwise but I just couldn't do it. I had faith that Paul was making the right choice, so... " He swallows. "I order everyone to follow Paul's lead. I warned Paul that this could be bad but he was sure of himself.”
He looks up at me. Guilt in his demeanor. His eyes are bloodshot and I hold my arms into place.
"Sure enough, on our way towards the safe area, Paul gets hit in the fucking neck. Then the chest and then his leg that makes him take a spin and he hits the ground hard." Danny points to his own neck, chest, and leg as he explains everything to me. He's here with me but I can tell his mind is trapped in the dreadful memory. I've never seen Danny like this before. He's full of remorse.
"We all take cover and hit the ground. We don't leave our men behind and for sure as hell, I wasn't going to leave my best friend. I run towards him, God only knows how but I dodge every single bullet that sprays in my direction." He lets out a breath and I'm biting my lip, wanting him to stop recounting the memories.
"He's in my fucking arms Ari, choking on his own blood. I'm trying my hardest to stop the bleeding but it's too much. It's too much blood. And he dies in seconds." He stands up infuriated, his hands curling into fists and he storms towards me again.
"If I would have just followed my instincts he would still be here Ari. I'm the reason you don't have a brother, Ari. I made the call.I did.I made the final decision that ended Paul's life.” His deep husky, voice starts to shake and my breathing hitches.
Survivors' guilt.
"Stop it!" I don't want to hear the details anymore I can't take it. I thought I could take it but I can't.
"You fucked your brother's murderer. How do you feel about that?" He keeps going and I can’t take it.
“When the hurricane hit, you wanted to know how I got all my scars. Do you still want to know little Angel? Do you still want to know all the little details of how I almost died every single time? Or how other other men had to die each time for others to live?”
“Please...stop.” I beg. “Stop blaming yourself. You're not a monster. You're notGrim Reaper.Just be Danny.Be My Danny."
I grab his face and I pull his lips towards mine. I crash my lips against him and he doesn't respond. I need him to feel something. Something, good. Anything.
After a few seconds of pressing myself hard against him, I let him go.
