Page 39 of The Scoundrel and the Debutante
“My mother was very little help to us, unfortunately. That was the same time she began to first exhibit the signs of madness.”
“She’s mad?” Roan asked, uncertain if Prudence meant it in the literal sense of the word.
“As a cuckoo bird,” Prudence solemnly confirmed. “We tried to hide it, for we all knew that once society discovered it, things would be said. Gentlemen would fear that madness might somehow run in our blood and be introduced into their children through any daughter of hers.”
“Do you believe that?” he asked. He’d never really thought of it before now. But then again, he very rarely thought of marriage.
Prudence shook her head. “My mother’s madness began with a carriage accident. There’s no history of it otherwise, but it hardly matters. No one among the Quality would risk it. Added to that, we were without our stepfather to provide a proper dowry. Suddenly, everything looked quite impossible for us.”
“So that’s the scandal,” Roan said. “Your mother’s madness. That’s why you said your sisters were married unconventionally. Someone not in keeping with your situation, is that it?”
“I wish that’s all there was to it,” Prudence said, sighing. “The scandal began with my older sisters, Honor and Grace. Once it became clear that the earl would die, and Augustine would marry Monica Hargrove, and our mother was mad, they had these perfectly ridiculous ideas for how to gain offers of marriage.” Prudence sounded perturbed by this. “Their idea was to marry before anyone discovered our woes. They reasoned that if they hooked a rich husband, they’d be able to help my mother, as well as Mercy and me when we were cast out of society,” she said with mock darkness.
Roan shrugged. “Sounds oddly reasonable.”
“Perhaps in theory,” Prudence agreed. “But in practice, it was scandalous. Honor proposed marriage quite publicly to a wealthy man of illegitimate birth, and Grace attempted to trap a man into marriage and did so very successfully—only she trapped thewrongman.”
Roan laughed.
Prudence did not. “All of this is well-known in London and the Quality,you know, and as a result of their actions, and my mother’s madness, and our lack of dowry, Mercy and I are not considered a very good match. Mercy hardly cares—she is quite talented with her art, and she is determined to be an artist of note. She swears she will never marry. Lord Merryton paid a dear price to have her admitted into a prestigious school to study, and Mercy is beside herself with joy. She says she is perfectly content to travel the world and create beautiful art. She doesn’t concern herself with society and advantageous marriages.”
“Do you?” Roan asked.
Prudence’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t know. I suppose I do. It’s been four years since Grace trapped the Earl of Merryton into marriage. No one has shown the slightest interest in me since that time, and I think I will die of tedium. And to make matters worse, I’ve resided at Blackwood Hall for the past two years, which is as remote a place as this,” she said, gesturing around her. “I care for my mother. I am occasionally invited to this evening or that, but I have no society to speak of. I am only two and twenty and I am destined to be put on the shelf.”
“That can’t be true—”
“But it is,” Prudence said. “You can’t possibly understand my situation, I think, but that is why I put myself on that coach today. I wanted...” She paused and drew a deep breath. “I wanted to know what it feels tolive.I’ve always been good and decent and I’ve followed all the rules, and it didn’t matter. Honor and Grace are married, and they love their husbands and they have beautiful children. Mercy has set her sights on something else entirely. All I ever wanted was to marry and have a family of my own, and it appears I can’t have that. Now all I want is to know what life feels like outside the walls of Blackwood. I want to know adventure. I want to feel excited about something. I want to know all those things I’ve lost since I’ve been shut away.”
Roan didn’t know how to assure her. He knew nothing of the way marriages were made in England, but he understood her. In New York, they’d had a time of it settling Aurora on one gentleman who met with their satisfaction of being worthy of her and their business interests, so he could see how something like this might affect a woman like Prudence. Even he was prepared to sacrifice for the sake of his family’s prosperity and standing.
Prudence was watching him, her luminescent gaze seeking reassurance, he supposed. He wanted to say something to soothe her. “Life is... It is what you make it,” he tried, the words sounding inadequate to him.
“Yes?” She leaned slightly forward, as if she feared she might miss a piece of valuable advice that might turn her life about.
How he wished he could give her that. “What I mean is that life doesn’t come to you. You can’t sit in some parlor and wait for it to appear at your door.”
Prudence nodded as if to agree with what he said.
“No matter what your circumstance, it is up toyouto create the life you want to live.”
“Do you truly think so?”
“Of course I do.” Roan lived by those words every day. Yet he was keenly aware he would never offer such advice to Aurora. She was a year older than Prudence, and he would never give that girl as much as an inch, knowing that she’d take a mile. But here he sat, offering it to Prudence, essentially suggesting to her that what she’d done today was not only all right, but perhaps even justifiable given her circumstances.
Did Aurora have the same, unfulfilled desires as Prudence? Should he find her behavior justified? Roan was strangely uncertain.
Which made him a worse scoundrel than he’d realized. He knew as well as he knew the pain in his side that he advised Prudence Cabot to follow her desire because he liked her. Helikedthat she had boarded his coach because she’d found him appealing. He liked that she had been with him today, nestled tightly between his legs. He liked the way she’d fearlessly brandished a gun and shot that cretin, in spite of the fact she might have seen them both killed.
He had enjoyed this day of adventure with her. It had made him long for his own freedom of choice. Of course Roan had his freedom—he could do whatever he liked. But of late, he’d felt the weight of responsibility. Of needing to give his word to his father and John Pratt. To be fair, he hadn’t promised Susannah anything at all other than to return soon...but all else was understood. It was assumed by everyone he would formally propose marriage to her when he returned and had settled Aurora.
Both he and Aurora were bound to marry for the sake of the family.
He looked at Prudence with her hazel eyes and golden hair and plush lips and said, “I think you should live as you want.” It wasn’t a lie—it was everything that made him who he was.
Prudence’s response shocked him. Completely and utterlyshockedhim. Because the moment he uttered those words, Prudence half lunged, half fell across him, landing awkwardly against his chest, her lips finding his. Pain shot through him and he sucked in his breath, but Prudence was not deterred. She kissed him as ardently as he’d kissed her under the sycamore tree.
He hadn’t meant she was to seekthis. He put his hands on her arms and pushed her back, grimacing.
