Page 61 of Hard-Hearted Highlander
That seemed to surprise Cailean. “What’s this? But you’ve agreed to it.”
“Aye, aye, I’ve agreed,” Rabbie said, sighing. “I will honor my word, donna doubt it.” Except that he hadn’t honored his word. He hadn’t honored himself, his family, his word—anything. The knowledge made him feel cross, and he abruptly stood from the table and strode to the sideboard, where Frang had laid out a meal for Cailean and his family. He poured a generous serving of ale. When he turned around, he discovered that Cailean had followed him.
“Leave him be, Cailean,” Catriona said lightly. “He’s always foul of temper. He’s like an old bailey cat, that lad. You’ll see.”
“Diah,Cat!” It was Vivienne’s turn to chastise her sister. “Donna speak another word! It’s none of your affair.”
“None of my affair? Am I no’ the one who must chaperone him every time he is to ride to Killeaven? On my word, it’s a wee bit like pulling a large rock behind me, it is.”
Rabbie shrugged. “It’s true,” he said lazily.
Cailean said quietly, “Let’s have a walk, you and I.”
“I poured the ale—” His brother gave him such a sharp look that Rabbie sighed again. He sipped from the tankard, then put it aside. “Aye, then, let’s have it done.”
“You needna sound as if I’m leading you to the gallows,” Cailean muttered as they walked out of the great hall together.
“It feels a wee bit like it.”
Cailean halted his march toward the front door. “Diah,Rabbie—you didna have to agree to the betrothal. If you donna want to marry the lass, then say it.”
“I donna want to marry the lass, then,” he said throwing his arms wide. “But Imust.You know it as well as I do.” He said those words to Cailean, knowing them to be true, but at the same moment, his heart was searching for any idea of how to end this engagement. His blood churned with the discomfort of being at odds with what his family needed of him and what he wanted. He shoved a hand through his unkempt hair and looked wildly about, avoiding Cailean’s gaze. He wished he knew what to do, he wished he could think of a way to save them all without tethering himself for all his days.
Cailean was staring at him with concern.
“Och,donna look at me as if I am mad,” Rabbie said. “What will become of Balhaire if I donna honor the agreement? We’veSassenachto the west and east of us now. We’ve no’ enough men to keep Balhaire. Our trade is threatened, our land is unsuitable for herding large numbers and yet there are enough sheep to overrun our arable fields...” He shrugged morosely. “We’ll be ruined if I donna go through with it.” He waited for his brother’s response, hoping, praying, that Cailean would miraculously offer him an out and say none of that was true.
But Cailean didn’t say that. He said, “In the worst of circumstances, you could all come to Chatwick Hall, aye? There’s room enough there for an army.”
“All of us?” Rabbie asked uncertainly.
“The Mackenzies,” Cailean said.
“Take our father from the Highlands? Ourchildren?”
“If need be to survive,” Cailean said. “That’s more important than pride, is it no’?”
“No,” Rabbie said flatly. He’d not be responsible for the Mackenzies leaving the Highlands like scores of Highlanders had already done. “It’s too late for it. The banns have been posted. I’m to wed in four days, Cailean.”
Cailean pressed his lips together and studied the floor a moment, idly scratching the head of a dog that had wandered in between them. “Is she so bad, then?” he asked softly. “She’s no’ plain. She’s comely.”
Rabbie shook his head. “It’s no’ the lass, Cailean. Aye, she’s comely. She’s far too young, she is...but it’s no’ her.”
He didn’t have to say more than that, because Cailean understood him. “We oft must lie with the devil to save our souls,” he muttered, and began to walk, gesturing for Rabbie to follow him.
They walked out onto the bailey, where the children were still playing. Georgina, seeing her father, raced on her squat little legs for him. “Pappa, Pappa!” she cried gleefully, and Cailean’s face shone with so much joy, so much pride.
Perhaps, Rabbie thought wistfully, he might have that. Perhaps that would be his consolation in this wretched affair. Sons and daughters to raise as Scots. Perhaps he’d bring Fiona and Ualan into their fold, too. He’d have a score of children to think about and keep his mind from his wife.
“We best take you to your Mamma, aye?” Cailean said to Georgina, kissing her cheek.
They returned to the great hall at a snail’s pace, so that Georgina might walk, too, and stop to examine everything in her path. By the time they reached the hall, the family had dispersed. Frang had accompanied Daisy up to the rooms they would use while at Balhaire. Rabbie’s sisters had left, and Aulay was speaking with their father about his next voyage. He planned to depart for Norway the day after the wedding. The ship’s repairs had been made, and he was eager to be at sea.
“Rabbie, darling, I’ve sent a messenger round to Killeaven to invite the Kents for supper tomorrow,” his mother said. “They’ll want to greet Cailean and Daisy. But tonight, we’ll dine with the Mackenzies only,” she said, and patted his cheek. “One last time I might have my boy all to myself.”
Rabbie snorted. “You’ll have me more than you think,Maither.”
* * *
