Page 84 of Heart Strings
“He has his big meeting with that Nigel Culpepper—”
“Oh, screw that guy!” Tipsy Saoirse is a real girl’s girl.
“This is a huge deal for him, so I didn’t say anything about the appointment.”
“Wait. He doesn’t know? At all?”
“No one knows about the lab results but you. Until there’s concrete news to share, I just want to keep it to myself.”
She looks at me like that’s the saddest thing she’s ever heard. No doubt she means well, but I hate it. “You’re going alone?”
“Yeah. It’s cool. I’m an independent woman.” If I’m getting sick, that’s probably for the best. Relying on Aidan now will only make the heartache worse if he lets me down later. I think about the scissors inked on his arm and how much it hurt to cut him from my life before.
“I’d go to the clinic with you, but I have a baby shower to set up. Maybe I can move something around—”
“It’s not a big deal. Really. And focusing on this meeting is the right choice for Aidan.”
“It’s not a choice if you don’t let him know what’s going on,” she says.
“He can’t do anything at the appointment anyway. It would only distract him. Between Harvest in the Park, recording the demo, and the meeting, he’s got a full plate. I wish he could be here with me, but it’s just horrible timing.”
“Hey, it’s okay to be scared. I’d be scared, too.” Saoirse can see right through the final wall left standing between Aidan and me. I might as well be honest with her.
“It’s not just the cancer. I mean, that’s a huge part of it, but this thing between Aidan and me, I worry that it’s doomed to fail. My performance during rotations is slipping. I need to put more of myself into it. Aidan will be recording and touring again soon. And if these results come back positive…” I wring my hands and try to focus anywhere but her eyes.
“What, you think he wouldn’t be there for you in a worst-case scenario? Which, it might not be.”
It sounds so simple, but it’s not. She hasn’t experienced it like I have. It’s not something he’d consciously decide out of shallowness, but it would come between us sooner than later.“My greatest fear is getting sick and being abandoned for it again. Having to go through it alone. My first real boyfriend cheated on me while I was hospitalized.”
“Unbelievable.”
Buzzed and emotional, I plow on. “My own dad couldn’t stand being around me because it was too depressing.”
She stares at me in disbelief. “Your dad? Wasn’t he at Lark’s wedding?”
“Yeah, but we haven’t talked since. And he’s the last person I would tell if I was sick again. It just…brings up lots of painful memories. Sometimes love isn’t enough and people can’t handle it when things get hard. Aidan might not be able to handle it.”
“Look, I can’t guarantee it’ll work out between you two, but I do know Aidan wouldn’t ditch you for having cancer or see it as some kind of flaw. You can’t make him out to be a villain here when you haven’t let him know what’s happening.”
I sigh. That’s fair. I haven’t given him a chance to be there for me.
“And you don’t have to be this perfect ice queen all the time. You’ve got to be vulnerable from time to time or else you’ll have a breakdown and find yourself crying in Tesco.”
I give her a small smile. “Thanks for rescuing me back there.”
“Don’t mention it.” She tosses a Skittle into her mouth. “No matter what happens, you’re not going through it alone. You’ve got me. You’ve got Lark.”
The boxed wine glugs as I refill my cup under the spout. “Thank you, truly, but I’m sick of talking about this. Let’s talk about something else.”
“Is this the part where I’m meant to lament the guy with twins? Because I already forgot his name.”
“Just tell me what’s new with you. Got any more weddings booked?”
Saoirse swirls her glass. “Well, the museum is having this botanical art exhibition and they want me to do the event design for their opening gala.”
“Seriously? That’s amazing!”
“You know, when I was setting up for Lark’s wedding, this guy…”
