Page 36 of Heart Strings
Beside a boulder that peeks out from the surface and breaks the flow, we find a swath of water that moves a bit slower. Lo sinks into it until she’s underwater. That’s how she handles life—a complete submersion into everything she does. No half-assed attempts or lukewarm commitments. There’s where I’d messed up: I hadn’t proven to her that I was all in.
Lo pops out of the water. Already, she’s more relaxed.Moonlight shimmers on the water droplets stuck to the strands of hair that cling to her face. We float on our backs and cast our gazes up at the stars. Heavy light pollution in London means I don’t see them much anymore. Now there’s one blazing right in front of me. Brilliantly mesmerizing and slightly volatile.
“What are you thinking about?” I venture after a few moments of restorative silence.
“Wondering if it’s going to rain tomorrow.”
I chuckle, because the answer is obvious. “You do realize we’re in Ireland? I can count on one hand the number of days ithasn’trained since I was ten. What difference would it make anyway?”
“Some people think it’s bad luck on a wedding day.”
“Well, we don’t. Or no one here would ever do it.”
“I just want things to go well. Today, I had to get after the linen company because they brought these weirdly yellow-tinted tablecloths that didn’t match the sample Lark and Callum chose.”
“Isn’t the wedding planner supposed to handle that?”
“Pfft.” She shakes her head. “It’s faster if I just take care of it myself, rather than trying to get ahold of her and explain the situation and wait for a resolution.”
This is worse than I thought. “So you didn’t even give her a chance to handle it?”
Cielo frowns. “I’m not trying to take credit or anything. I didn’t even tell Lark it happened because I’m trying not to add more stress. Getting remarried is a loaded issue for her. I don’t want to give her any reason to get anxious about this. She loves Callum, they’re the perfect match.”
“Exactly. They can handle ivory tablecloths without it derailing their relationship.”
“Making things easier for her is what being the maid of honor is all about. I’m smoothing out potential drama, not creating it.”
“So, you’re gonna control the weather and do other people’s jobs without even giving them a chance to step up? Maybe people would surprise you if you let them.”
Lo blinks at me, and suddenly I’m very aware I’m not just talking about Lark’s wedding. She never gave me a chance to prove the feasibility of a healthy relationship while I traveled and toured. But we can set up standing video-chat dates. I can commit to a frequent schedule of flying home to visit. Whatever she needs—but first, I need to convince her I deserve a chance.
“I’m pretty good at predicting how things are gonna go. Curse of being a realist. Just doing my best to prepare.”
“You don’t need to do that. Things will be okay even if everything doesn’t go exactly as you planned.”
“I just want my cousin to enjoy her wedding.”
“She will! But it’s not only about that. It’s the way you approach school and life and everything. This hyper-independence. Like you have to excel in everything all the time and try to take care of everyone else out of some weird sense of guilt.”
Cielo scoffs. “What am I guilty of?”
“I don’t know, but don’t tell me it’s not guilt. I’m Catholic, I recognize guilt when I see it, okay?”
“I…well, yeah, I mean…” Lo’s expression drops. “My parents’ marriage fell apart because I got sick. I would hope something positive came out of the experience.”
“It already has.” I softly smile to reassure her, but my heart breaks. On some level she really believes her parents’ divorce isher fault. “You’re here today and that is the best possible outcome. That little girl grew up to be a phenomenal woman and will be a phenomenal doctor. But you don’t need to be perfect to deserve good things in life.”
Cielo’s floating on her back, but she pauses, turns completely to look at me. Even in the dark, it’s clear there is more than cynicism in her eyes. “Thank you.”
She’s even closer now, lazily treading water.
“I get it, though,” I say. “Wanting to protect the people you care about from unnecessary distress. Make things easier on them. It’s noble. It’s one of the things I—” I stop myself before I scare her off. “Well, you can’t go fighting rain clouds.”
Cielo hums and closes her eyes.
I’d close mine, but this moment is too beautiful. Every detail perfect. Water pools in the dip between her collarbones and her lips gently part as she relaxes her jaw. I want to memorize every detail and immortalize them in lyrics, set them to the strum of a guitar and hold up a mirror for Lo in song. Try to show her how it makes me feel to be with her right now. I want to play music for Lo again. I crave her praise, yes, but more than that: I want her to understand how I feel and it’s somehow easier to play than to speak.
Water gently swishes around Lo as she slowly waves her arms to stay above the surface. Smooth stones are only inches under our feet, but the dark water and murky sky feel merged thanks to the sensation of weightlessness.
