Page 59 of You've Got a Place Here, Too
WELL 001: Stress Level Self-Assessment
FILM 045: From Meet-Cute to Joyful Resolution: Writing the Romantic Comedy for Beginners
PHL 003: Classical Conundrums: Avoiding Romantic Entanglements
Course Overview
Examines the essential skills needed to withstand the seductive pull of romantic relationships. Course materials describe how to disregard provocations such as the outrageous physical attractiveness of that one guy in your Black Experience in the New World class who you notice each time he enters the lecture hall. Whether it’s the way he walks, deliberately and yet lightly, as if he’s being buoyed by a cushion of air. Or the way he dresses, typically wearing short-sleeved pastel shirts paired with gently worn corduroys and pristine red Converse high-tops. Or his shoulder-length locs that he secures with a simple rubber band.
Students will be taught distancing strategies such as
shading your eyes whenever he’s close by so as to avoid any possibility of eye contact
sitting in the very last row and slumping as far down into your seat as is possible without sliding to the ground
pretending not to notice the way his eyes sometimes linger on your face even after you’ve finished responding to the professor’s question
Finally, students will be reminded that most physically attractive people are well aware of the effect of their beauty and are, therefore, insufferable.
This course also delves into the more advanced skills needed to defend against deeper psycho-emotional attractions. Common pitfalls will be addressed, such as the one time he disagreed with your assessment about the effectiveness of peaceful protest and his argument was so cogent that he actually convinced you to change your mind. Or the time your argument for the role of fiction as a form of resistance was so persuasive thathechanged his mind. Or the way he seems to listen closely to you, to your fellow classmates, and to the professor as if listening were just as important an activity as speaking. Or the way he pauses and considersbeforehe speaks, as if thinking were an activity, too.
Strategies for ignoring these more substantial provocations include focusing on the subject’s objectively unattractive traits. Such as his name. Which is Sterling. Like the British currency. Why would his parents name him a synonym for excellent? Was it aspirational? What if he turns out not to be?
Course Outcomes
The unsuccessful student will be incapable of completing one or, indeed, all of the previous steps. She’ll find herself panicking when one day Sterling sits down next to her in the very last row of the lecture hall. Find herself murmuring a shy “thank you” when he hands her the pen she’d been spinning across her knuckles and then dropped so uncharacteristically. Find herself smiling when he says, “You’re Danica, right?” Find herself flattered when he says, “I liked what you said about our political discourseneeding to be more inclusive of the diaspora.” Find herself nodding and agreeing when he says, “I was hoping we could go on a date.” All this despite the fact that she knows that her time at UVI is limited to just a few months and, so, nothing lasting can come from it.
ROM 002: Overcoming Terrible First Dates
Course Overview
The tragedy of truly terrible first kisses is of course that they preclude second kisses, which are widely accepted to be more enjoyable and, in point of fact, more predictive offuturekiss enjoyment than the first. This survey course explores the circumstances surrounding student-submitted instances of terrible first kisses and dates alongside common strategies that can be used to overcome said circumstances.
In one particularly illuminating text, we examine the aftermath of a spectacularly poor first date of one Sterling James and Danica Henderson as detailed via a series of text message exchanges (see appendix G on the following page).
Course Outcomes
