Page 91 of One Year Ago in Spain
And the diamond-and-topaz ring shaped like the sun, waiting for her. Forthem. For a future they might now never have.
In the final moment before the boat smashed into the buoy, Matías saw Claire’s face ringed by the sunlight reflecting off the water’s surface.
I love you,he thought.I always will.
And then the boat slammed into the buoy at 180 kilometers an hour, and everything went black.
Claire
“¿Cuándo más tiempo?”Claire asked the taxi driver.
She wasn’t sure if it was the right way to ask how much longer it would be until they reached Ocaña airport, but apparently it was close enough, because he said, “En diez minutos, señora.”Ten minutes.
“Gracias.”
The small airport that Matías had mentioned for skydiving was just south of Madrid. After his abuela left, Claire hadn’t had any luck getting him to appear by pressing on her palm, so now Claire was on her way to the place where he said he would be at nine o’clock, whether she was there or not.
I can’t believe I am voluntarily signing up for skydiving,she thought.
But at the same time, it was absolutely what sheshoulddo. Not only because she couldn’t get Matías to show up at the hotel, but because in their relationship, he was always the one coming to her. It was Claire’s turn now to come to him.
It had probably been her turn for a while, but she hadn’t wanted to compromise in the past. She had wanted to keep her life exactly as it was—with her insane work schedule and her white-knuckled grip on control and most of all, the citadel wall she kept up to protect herself. All the family she’d ever had haddied. All the men she’d dated in the past had eventually found fault in her and left. So Claire had subconsciously synthesized this to mean that if she didn’t give too much of herself to anyone else, she wouldn’t hurt as much when it ended.
But Matías had never wanted anything from Claire but for her to be herself. He had put forth an immense effort to fit himself into her life, memorizing as many of her tidiness rules as possible even though they were in complete opposition to his personality, making meals for them around her client calls, not being angry when she canceled their trip to Spain at the last minute.
And what had she given in return?
Order. Reliability. A “home base,” was how Abuela Gloria had put it.
But still, it wasn’t enough. Matías loved Claire, but he deserved not just a stable routine, but her true, vulnerable self. His soul was drawn to it; it was the reason he’d shown up for her here in Madrid, when she let herself need him.
And maybe that was where Professor Hong had gotten it wrong. Matías’s soul hadn’t needed to fall in love with Claire in order to connect with her. Instead, it wasshewho had to open herself up enough to be his guide back.
Ironically, being here in Madrid and caught up in these impossible circumstances had forced a slower pace to her relationship with Matías, unlike the impulsive whirlwind of their New York courtship. Because Claire had had to spend long stretches of time here without him—and because the threat of losing him forced her to see her need for him more clearly—she had fallen more deeply in love with him. Or, in a way, hadtrulyfallen in love with Matías for the first time ever, rather than the last eleven months of holding up her protective walls, never giving inentirely to love because she was scared he would see her weaknesses and leave.
But instead, Matías’s soul had shown up when Claire was at her most vulnerable, the least in control. And none of what she once feared had happened. He had seen the soft, scared person under her facade of control and, like his abuela, had not judged. So she had let him into her heart completely.
And that was possibly helping him to remember who he was. Whoshewas. Whotheywere together. Before their fight in the hotel room, he had paused, confused for a moment, when he felt like he knew her. Maybe it was becauseherMatías—the one in New York—had always understood Claire better than she realized. She hadn’t needed to try so hard to hide her tender spots and imperfections from him. He’d already seen them, and he loved her—broken bits and all. So in the past week, each time Claire let herself need Matías’s soul, she let him in a little more, let him see her whole self. And that was helping him to remember.
Though, if Abuela Gloria was right, it was also hurting him. The more time Matías and Claire spent together—the more his soul was drawn to her—the worse things got for him physically. Claire felt sick. Instead of guiding him back to his body, she’d been inadvertently luring him away from it, making a relationship withherfeel more appealing than with the weak, broken body that awaited him in the hospital. And the more solid their bond grew—the more substantial Matías became around her—the thinner the ties holding him to his body became.
She hoped she could find him one more time, convince him to go back.
“Ya hemos llegado,” the driver said as he pulled up to Ocaña Airport.
“Muchas gracias.”
She got out and stood a bit stunned as the taxi drove away. This wasn’t so much an airport as an airstrip. There was one small building that seemed to be the main one, and then a few hangars. That was it.
Claire swallowed hard.
I can do this,she thought.If not for myself, then for Matías.
After a couple of deep breaths, she followed the signs for Nubes Aladas, Clouds Like Wings. Claire was already shaking, and she was still on the ground.
“Hola,” she said when she reached the front desk. “Quiero…jump out of a plane?”
Definitely a question, not a statement.
