Page 26 of The Hundred Loves of Juliet
That boy belongs tome,do you understand?I snarl at the sea and fight my way closer to Colin.
His head goes under, and he begins to sink.
“No!” I swallow a mouthful, saltwater going up my nose, burning in the back of my throat. I ignore the sting and dive.
I cannot see a thing in the churning, Stygian blackness. All I know is the trajectory in which I dove, and the direction in which he sank. I kick as hard as I can.
And collide with Colin’s limp, heavy body.
My arms latch around him immediately, and I propel us upward. As I break the surface and gasp for air, the ocean roars, furious at the theft I’m committing.
I battle through the seething waves, kicking with everything that’s left in my legs. Close enough to theAlacrity,the crew throws a life preserver, and I lunge for it, nearly missing in my exhaustion.
Jones and the other two members of the crew—Hsu and Grunberg—haul me and Colin up. Just in time, too. My limbs go numb as we tumble onto the slick deck.
Grunberg immediately begins CPR on Colin. In our line of business, we all know the protocol for drowning. Unfortunately.
As I look at Colin, a surge of terror wells up in me, finally hitting now as the adrenaline of the rescue recedes. Colin is pale as a squid. His entire body lies limp as Grunberg forces breaths into him, alternating with pumping his chest. I can’t look away, even as I vomit all over the deck.
Piñeros has already set course for the harbor, turning theAlacrityaround. We’ll have to fight the storm the whole way back.
Jones kneels beside me and drapes a heavy blanket around my shoulders. Hsu activates hand and body warmers from the first aid kit and places them on me. But we’re all watching Grunberg and Colin.
Please don’t die please don’t die please don’t die.
The chest compressions are sickening to listen to, Grunberg’s hands hitting wet flesh, pushing over broken ribs. I convulse with every pump, as if I’m the one under each pounding compression.
I wish itwereme. Colin is only eighteen. He has so much life left to live. I’ve already had enough—too much. What I wouldn’t do to shave decades off my life to give to him.
Suddenly, Colin coughs, and what seems like a gallon of seawater spews from his lungs.
“Thank fucking god!” Hsu shouts as Grunberg sags next to Colin, checking the pulse on his wrist and confirming that, yes, our greenhorn is still alive.
Tears stream down my face—hell, we’re all crying—but every man glances away from the others, giving each a moment to compose himself and pretend it was just sleet in his eyes. Crabbers are a gruff lot who wear their hearts under layers of armor, self-defense when your job involves constant danger and death. I have plenty of experience in locking up my feelings, too.
“Get Merculief warm and into a cot,” I yell into the storm.
Hsu and Grunberg pick up Colin gingerly and disappear belowdecks.
Jones is still kneeling next to me. I’d thought he was paralyzed in place like I was, watching whether Colin would live or die, but now I realize Jones was also keeping an eye on me to make sure I was all right.
“We should get you down below, too,” he says.
I nod. “Just…give me a minute.”
“Sure, Captain. But…for what it’s worth, I think what you did out there was incredible.” Then Jones gets up, giving me a little space while staying close enough that he can run to my aid if I need it.
He’s wrong about my behavior, though. It wasn’t incredible. It was irresponsible.
My head drops into my hands.
I fell asleep at the wheel in the middle of a vicious squall, because I’ve been too preoccupied with Helene to get the rest I need. And because I wasn’t paying attention and navigating the storm, Colin got knocked overboard. It was only luck that allowed me to save him. The sea could just as easily have swallowed him or otherwise left him for dead.
Colin deserves better than that. This whole crew deserves a captain who can focus on them, not on himself. And Helene deserves to live, to write her novel and follow her dreams without getting tangled up with me.
Jones returns. “Come on, Captain. Let’s get you belowdecks. There’s a hot shower and a cot with your name on it.”
I let him help me up. But my legs aren’t just unsteady from the effort expended rescuing Colin. They’re also shaking because I know what I have to do next.
