Page 53 of The Crown's Fate
Nikolai retreated to the other side of the room. “I can’t. I won’t... . Vika’s mentor died because he channeled all his energy to her. And I nearly died at the end of the Game, trying to save Vika, even though I thought I knew what I was doing. I won’t accidentally kill you; I wouldn’t be able to live with myself afterward.”
Renata marched over to him, cornering Nikolai by the washbasin. She grabbed his hand and placed his fingers on her neck. She leaned into him. “Please. I want to do this for you.” Then she met his gaze and held it steady, steadier than he’d ever seen her dare to hold it before. “And I want to do this forme.”
Nikolai flushed again as his body blurred into hers where they touched. He was a conundrum—ethereal enough that their edges blended, yet corporeal enough that she did not pass straight through him.
“Renata ...”
She placed a finger over his lips. “Nikolai. I love you. Let me do this.”
He held his breath. He should say no again, but he wanted to say yes, too. He could already sense her energy beneathher skin, pulsing and yearning. And he was so empty.
Instead of saying yes or no, Nikolai said nothing at all.
Renata lifted her chin and brought his head down to meet hers. Nikolai’s heartbeat quickened.
I do need more energy,he thought.I can’t generate enough on my own if I want another chance at Pasha and the throne.
Renata brushed her lips, just barely, over his.
And then Nikolai’s mouth was on hers, gentle but full of wanting. He shouldn’t be doing this, not when he knew his love belonged to another girl, with whom his heart ached even now to dance another mazurka. But that girl had chosen Pasha. And here, in his arms, was Renata, insistent yet yielding, and offering something Nikolai needed to feel strong again. Something to destroy his enemy with.
Renata moved herself closer and twined her hands through Nikolai’s hair. He sighed at the feeling of her fingers, both for the comfort of them and for the fact that even though he was fading, he was still real enough for her to hold on to.
Renata’s lips parted. He could taste a hint of something sweet, the memory of black tea swirled with lemon and two lumps of sugar, what Renata drank every day.
Nikolai pressed his mouth harder against Renata’s, and she let out a gasp as his tongue found hers. As he kissed her, he drew energy from her, and it, too, tasted of sugar and lemon and tea.
Black tea, strong and hot.
Renata slid her hands from his hair, down the nape of his neck. Her fingers trailed down the back of his shirt and under the hem. They slipped inside, her palms against Nikolai’s back.
He quivered, now connected to her not only at their lips,but also through her hands on his bare skin, his shadow blurring into her touch. Her energy poured into him as if from a samovar, and Nikolai drank as if inconsolably parched. He wanted, needed, more. He wrapped an arm around Renata’s waist to draw her closer, as if his shadow could merge completely into her.
And then, in the next room, a woman yelled at a man and threw what sounded like a pot at him, as it clanged against the wall.
Nikolai jerked away from Renata and released her waist.
“What are you doing?” she asked, eyes still half-closed.
There was a part of Nikolai that wanted to keep kissing her. It was not only the physical wanting, but also the knowledge that he needed more energy if he was ever to be whole again, and Renata was willing to give.
But he was still a gentleman. At least in the moments like right now, when he wasn’t overcome by the cold in his veins. And that gentlemanly part of him knew he shouldn’t kiss Renata any longer. Nikolai rubbed at his temples.Think. No, don’t think. Just ... Argh.
Renata’s eyes were fully opened now.
“I’m sorry,” Nikolai said. “I shouldn’t have done that. I took advantage of you.”
“No, you didn’t. I offered myself. I knew what it meant, and also what it didn’t mean. You don’t have to worry about that.”
Nikolai reached over and stroked her face. “I always worry about you.”
Renata rested her cheek on his hand. “I may never have you entirely, but now I’ve kissed you, and that was worth it. Don’t worry about me. I’m stronger than most people think.”
“I know you are.”
For a moment, they stayed like that. Then Nikolai pulled his hand away. It was too tempting to draw her back to him if he remained.
“I heard that the countess is gone again,” Renata blurted out to break their awkward pause.
