Page 34 of Caught in a Bad Fauxmance
Andy ignores our protests, mouthing,They totally areto Julian. “I’m Andy, by the way. Nice to meet you.”
“Julian. Nice to meet you too.” The bro-y handshake and pleasantries do the trick. Julian loosens up, unclasping his hands and leaning back in his seat. Seeing him relax lets me breathe a little easier too. “So, how long have you and Maya been together?”
Oh, sweet Jesus.
Andy’s jaw drops while Maya starts flapping her arms wildly at me, signaling for me to fix the mess Julian walked himself into. Julian pales once he sees the look on Andy’s face, and soon enough he’s looking to me for backup.
“I…uh…I’m their stepbrother.” Andy shifts uncomfortably, putting some distance between him and Julian. “Did Devin not mention that?”
My brain is about ten seconds from short-circuiting, andI have no idea what I can do besides shove a pillow over Julian’s face, so I go with the next best thing I can think of. I slide into Julian’s lap, wrapping an arm around his neck and laughing like I’ve absolutely lost my mind—which I might if the night continues on like this.
“I meant to tell him once we got here! But we’ve just been so busy this week,” I say. I toy with Julian’s tie in what I hope looks like a fun and flirtatious game but is actually a signal for him to shut up.
“Oooookay,” Andy answers slowly, scratching his head.
“Yep, haven’t had much time for talking,” Julian tacks on as he reaches up to hug me like he isn’t the biggest moron on the planet. He actually has the nerve to look proud of himself. The urge to murder him is strong, but I’d also take spontaneous combustion.
“Gross,” Maya mutters, her nose wrinkled in disgust.
Julian looks around, slowly realizing what he implied. His lips form a silent O as he goes beet red. “That’s not— I…I didn’t mean—”
“It’s cool,” Andy reassures before Julian can finish. “You guys do you.”
If we’re lucky, Andy will forget this conversation ever happened and never bring it up again. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned during this trip, it’s that I’m an unlucky bastard.
I tighten my grip on Julian’s silk tie, tugging just enough to make him cough.
“Y-you’re choking me,” he whispers, blanching when Andy appears concerned. “Sweetheart,” he adds.
Dad winds up being Julian’s saving grace. He clears histhroat to get our attention, clearly unamused. I let go of Julian’s tie and jump off his lap as quickly as I can, brushing myself off and greeting Dad with a wave.
“Hi! Dinner’s almost ready! Come sit at the table!” I’m shouting, and the room is starting to spin, and I think I might be sick, but I hold it together long enough to rest a hand on Julian’s shoulder, slap on a smile, and pray that my nerves pass for love.
Dad raises a critical brow. “In the meantime, let’s try to keep our hands to ourselves.” He waves a finger at me and Julian before heading into the kitchen to help Isabel carry out the food.
“Jesus Christ.” Without thinking, I run my fingers through my hair, only for them to get entangled in the sticky mousse.
Maya shrugs, nudging my shoulder with hers. “Could’ve been worse.”
God, I really hope she’s right.
Dinner is maddeningly awkward. Isabel, bless her, does her best to engage everyone in conversation, but even her best efforts fall flat. No matter how hard she tries, there’s no way she can mend a decade-long divide over a single dinner. There’s an unspoken agreement between us and Julian: We all want to get this night over with.
“Julian,” Isabel says more loudly than necessary after an especially prolonged silence. “Doesn’t your brother play football up at Florida State?”
“Your brother plays for FSU?” Andy asks around a mouthful of rice.
“Yeah, he’s a sophomore,” Julian answers weakly, his voice growing quieter with every moment of strained silence.
“That’s sick!” Andy nearly chokes on his food in excitement. “What’s it like? Does he have to train, like, a bajillion hours a day?”
Julian shrugs, shoulders sagging now that the air is less loaded with tension. “I’m not sure, but it’s definitely intense. He has to drink these weird protein shakes that smell like death, and get up at six a.m., even in the summer, so he doesn’t throw off his sleeping schedule for training season.”
Andy’s eyes are full of amazement. Our high school football team never inspired much spirit, but Andy is the team’s bright spot. A beacon of hope after years of lackluster seasons. They even made it to the playoffs last year, a first for this millennium. In a way, it’s what brought Dad and Isabel together. Maya, the head cheerleader, and Andy, the quarterback, falling in love would’ve been a cliché as classic as apple pie. Except in our version our parents fell head over heels at the snack stand instead.
“That’ssocool.” Andy nudges his mom’s arm insistently.
“Very cool.” Isabel pats Andy’s hand before turning her attention back to Julian. “Are you planning on playing any sports at Princeton?”
