Page 14 of After the Accident
Emma:I can’t remember how I felt when I was walking up the hill from the village. I’ve been on that beach and, when it’s quiet, it’s almost as if it absorbs all the noises from around and above. You can hear boats from the other side of the island, or chatter drifting from the village. Perhaps he had heard voices from above – but that wasn’t proof Dad was with someone.
It also wasn’t proof that he was alone.
Claire:It was sometime on the morning after Geoff fell that I went for a walk on my own. I didn’t know the layout of the island but ended up on the beach underneath the cliff. I was following one of the paths at the side of the hotel, wondering where it went. I’d not necessarily planned to be there.
The main thing I remember is how noisy it was down there. It was this little cove that seemed like it was sheltered by the cliff. You’d think it would be this peaceful postcard, but, instead, it was like all the sounds from the island converged there. There were birds chirping and car engines rumbling. There was nobody anywhere near me, but it felt like I was in a crowd. Then, as immediately as it began, the wind dropped and there was silence. It was the creepiest thing I’ve ever known.
Emma:To get to the cottage, I had to walk around the pool. I wasn’t paying much attention to anything and certainly didn’t want to accidentally catch Daniel’s eye. I was almost past the area where they stack sun loungers when I realised Mum was sitting on the edge of a bed next to Daniel and Liz, close to the water.
Liz:Beth got back from the hospital and not one of her kids were there for her. Good job she had us.
Emma:I went across and asked how she was. She looked so tired. I know that shouldn’t have been a surprise because she’d spent the night at the hospital – but it was deeper than that. I think you can tell the difference when you see people. Someone might look like they need a good night’s sleep, but, other times, it’s like their eyes haven’t closed in days. Their whole face hangs and there’s a small delay when they try to talk, as if you’re in different time zones.
When I asked Mum how she was, it took a second for her to blink her way up to me and open her mouth. She said she was ‘all right’, but only in the way people do when they don’t know what else to say. I think it’s a British thing, almost like our national catchphrase. Someone could have been hit by lightning and crawled their way across a county to the nearest hospital and then, when a doctor asks how they are, they’d say ‘all right’. It’s what people do. It’s what I said when Mum visited me in prison for the first time.
I asked about Dad and she said he was breathing for himself now and making progress, even though he was still unconscious. I think she’d forgotten that she asked me to look for flights because she never mentioned it.
Liz:Beth just wanted a rest. She’d been up all night, the poor thing. Instead of leaving her be, Emma kept on at her, asking how she was, how Geoff was, all that. I wanted to tell her to go away, but it wasn’t my place.
Emma:Mum said she was going back to the hospital later in the afternoon and asked if I wanted to go with her. I told her that of course I would.
Liz:It was obvious to anyone watching that Emma didn’t want to go. Beth put her on the spot, where she couldn’t say no.
Emma:I asked Mum what she thought of the cottage – but she didn’t know anything about it. I had to tell her that the manager had moved all her things to a private cottage, instead of the main hotel. Nobody had told her and, when she got back from the hospital, she’d gone straight to the pool.
I ended up walking with her around the back of the pool out towards the cottages. That’s when I noticed the flowers.
Julius:I only saw it later. The staff had put together this display of flowers next to the door of Mum’s cottage. Fair play to them.
Emma:Someone had put in a lot of effort. They’d woven the flowers into a heart shape and then rested it up against the wall. Mum burst into tears the moment she saw it. She kept saying how kind it all was, but I was more worried about her physically. I was having to hold her up because she was so frail. I ended up guiding her over to the door and then I let her in with the key that the manager had left me.
It was a lot cooler inside because of the air con, but Mum was like a ghost. She was drifting aimlessly around the room while constantly catching herself on the corners of things. She barely seemed to notice and I did wonder if she’d taken something. I didn’t want to ask.
She said she wanted to take a shower, so I left her doing that while I waited in the bedroom area. There was a king-size bed and I remember thinking that Mum was going to find it very empty when it came to sleeping. She was having a hard enough time of it as it was – and that was before what happened to Dad.
…
I realise I contributed to everything that went wrong.
Julius:After Emma got her sentence, she wasn’t around to see how Mum took it. I would sometimes take the girls round to their house and Mum would still be in bed, even though it was the afternoon. Other times, she’d be on a cleaning spree and would be doing something like scrubbing the floor of a cupboard. I never knew which version of her would be home when I visited.
I know Emma will say she had it tough inside… but it was hardly a party outside.
Emma:When Mum came out of the shower, she said she wanted to sleep but made me promise to wake her at four o’clock, so that she could go back to the hospital. I told her I would, then she slipped a tablet and got herself under the covers. I didn’t even ask what she’d taken.
Julius:Mum took a lot of pills during the time Emma was inside. She tried to hide them at first, but it became too obvious. I would have asked what they were – but it wouldn’t have made any difference. I think we’ve always been a family of people who do what they want – and only answer questions if we need to.
Emma:I don’t know what I did for the next few hours. I might have slept myself… but that doesn’t sound like me. Perhaps I went for another walk? I doubt I went to the pool. Do you really need to know?
Julius:I don’t think I saw Emma between the time we got back from the hospital and later that night. It’s only now, looking back, when I wonder where she was, or – perhaps more importantly – who she was with.
Emma:When I woke Mum, she was looking a little better – but not much. There were still rings around her eyes and that hollowed sense that she carried. We ended up getting another taxi to the hospital and then the receptionist there waved us through. They knew who she was by then and I think word had gone around the island about what had happened.
Mum knew where she was going and led the way through the corridors without anyone stopping us. It would have probably felt odd, except that it all happened so fast that I didn’t have time to think it over. Before I knew it, we were in front of a door and a nurse was waiting for us. She said that Dad was doing as well as could be expected – and a few other things that I don’t really remember.
After that, she showed us inside. Dad had a private room to himself. It was quite a big space, all white, with a bed right in the middle. He was lying on his back in the bed, with the sheets tucked underneath his chin. Mum went closer to the bed, but I watched as he breathed in and out. It was so…peaceful.
I remember this stupid sense of envy; that I’d love to be able to sleep like that. I knew it wasn’trealsleep, that he was in a coma, but my mind was all over the place.
