Page 26 of A Face in the Crowd
There’s a moment in which it feels as if my legs can’t support me any longer and then I am sitting on the bench staring at myself. That’s my life changed in an instant. It’s hard to take in the enormity of it all and I reach for my bag, fingering the envelope within, wanting the comfort it gives.
When I manage to leave the changing room, I find Jonathan standing outside. He’s staring past me and motions towards the staff exit at the back. I take the hint and move past him towards it.
‘What will you tell the others?’ I ask.
He scratches his head and our roles have reversed. It’s now him who cannot look at me. ‘Just leave,’ he says.
I hover for a second – but only that – and then I’m gone. The door clangs closed behind me, echoing out into the breeze of the car park. It feels as if everything has changed.
I’ve been fired for being a thief.
There isn’t a better way to dress it up than that. What will I do now?
I set off in an aimless meander across the tarmac, which is when I spot the red anorak. I think it’s a flapping carrier bag at first; so bright against the grey that it’s impossible to miss.
There’s a figure sitting on a bench next to a taxi rank. Even from a distance, I know who it is. I knew when I saw her in the park two days ago. I drift across the car park towards her and then change my mind – because she is unquestionably watching me.
Ben’s mother, Melanie, glares across the car park and the chill that surges through me is nothing to do with the weather. I’d not seen her in years and now it’s twice in three days. Could she have set me up with Jonathan? How could she have known I’d go for the girl’s silent sob story? It’s not as if sheaskedfor me to let her walk out with free goods. And yet, at one of my lowest moments, here Melanie is.
I stop, unsure what to do with myself, and then skirt away from the bench. I tuck my head into my jacket, clasp my bag tighter and stride to the bus stop.
Chapter Fifteen
I’m on the number 24 bus when Unknown rings my phone again. I answer but there’s nobody there. I hadn’t expected there to be. I stare at the blank screen, numb from everything that’s happened in the past hour.
I google phone hang-ups, but all the internet has to say is that call centres are probably responsible. Something about auto-dialling and then not having enough staff to take the calls. I put my phone on silent and drop it into my bag.
Billy is confused when I get home. He’s on the farthest side of the flat, apparently amusing himself with one of his cuddly toys. I like the idea of him playing while I’m away; that he’s not desperately lonely by himself. When I get home, he usually flings himself at me and is full of licks and affection. Now, he stands and stares, as if to say he was quite happy by himself, thank you very much.
He tilts his head to the side and I give him a rub, before laying down a little more of his doggy cake. He doesn’t complain at that.
As he eats, I get on the new laptop and start looking for jobs. I’m no snob, but it’s hard when everywhere wants experience, even for some of the lowliest positions. I could go for a job at a different supermarket – but how could I explain what I’ve been doing for two years? I don’t think Jonathan will be giving me much of a reference.
The KFC on the retail park wants junior cashiers, or kitchen staff – but the salary is less than I earn now. There’s also something about being surrounded by people almost half my age that I know will drive me to despair.
I search around to see if anyone is looking for bar staff, even though I’m not sure if it’s a job I could manage. There’s nothing online, but it’s not that kind of work anyway. I’d be better off going door to door and asking. I half think about doing it, but then realise the hours would mean leaving Billy by himself in the evening. We have a routine.
Hada routine.
I watch as he sniffs the plate he’s already cleared and then saunters off to the cabinet below the one in which his cake is stored. He looks between me and the closed door mournfully and then sits. His tail flicks across the lino floor as he continues to stare.
‘Later,’ I tell him and it’s as if he understands.
He potters across the floor and then takes a spot on the other side of the room from me. His lids are half-closed, but he’s watching with treachery in his eyes. I’ve kept his cake from him; I’ve denied him his time alone – therefore I am, temporarily, the enemy.
I go back to job-hunting and look up a couple of agencies. They only seem to have factory work on offer, which specifically states ‘shift work’. It’ll mean early mornings, late nights, or overnights. That’s more disruption to the life I’ve built. If I’m on lates, how will I cope with fitting my university course into the morning? How will Billy cope?
It’s hard to understand why I did what I did at the supermarket. I felt sorry for the girl – but does that mean I should have allowed her to steal? I risked so much and now I’ve got my comeuppance. At the time, I was grateful Jonathan didn’t call the police but now it is sinking in how much I’ve lost.
My thoughts are invaded by the ringing of my phone and another call from Unknown. I should ignore it – it probablyisa call centre – but I can’t stop myself.
‘Leave me alone!’ I shout into the phone. ‘Stop calling me.’
There’s a pause and then a cough from the other end. ‘Is that Lucy Denman?’ a woman’s voice asks. She’s tentative, which isn’t surprising considering I’ve just shouted at her.
‘Yes…’ I reply. ‘Sorry about that, I—’
‘This is Gloria,’ she says. ‘You probably won’t remember me, but my husband, Kevin, was on the train.’
