Page 79 of A Face in the Crowd
For the first time since coming outside, a ripple of fear teases its way through me. It’s dark and there’s nobody else around. I could scream but won’t be heard over the music from the hall. I look across towards the party, hoping people will be starting to leave and head along the path. But there’s no one. Just us.
I take a step away from the swings, towards the hall. It’s only a simple movement – but Ben pulls himself up from the swing and stretches out a hand as if to take mine. I move another pace away.
‘I’ve been planning all this,’ he says. ‘Well… not all of it. I didn’t know about the party until the flyer came under my door. I wanted it to be special. I did all this for you. I messed up five years ago, but I’ve put it right. I have money – lots of it. It won’t be like before.’
‘Life isn’t all about money.’
‘Notallabout money – but it helps. Look what you’ve done with it this past week. I wanted to show you that. We can be happy.’
‘No—’
‘All those things you wanted. The stables, the house—’
‘It wasn’t me who wanted them. I could’ve had a small wedding. I didn’t need the big house. You wanted those.’
A shrug: ‘Right, but we can both have them now…’
We’re off the padded matting now, onto the grass. I risk a glance backwards to the hall, but, when I turn back, Ben is another step closer.
‘No,’ I say.
He stops, frozen half in shadow. I can only see the right side of his face, but there’s puzzlement there. ‘What do you mean no?’
I try to sound bold and assertive even though I feel the opposite. ‘I don’t want this. If you’re alive, then good for you. Go and enjoy your life as Peter. Tell your mum or don’t tell her. I don’t want any part of it. I’m my own person and I have a life. You’re not in it.’
It’s hard not to stumble with my next step backwards. There’s a hidden ridge in the grass and I panic that Ben is going to launch himself forward as I try to right myself. He doesn’t though. He’s still. I take more steps away from him until there’s a gap of ten metres or more and I can barely see him among the shadows. He hasn’t moved. I almost stop to ask if he’s okay.
Almost.
But I don’t. I turn and run until I’m at the back of the hall once more. Lights are still spinning; music is playing. It’s Kylie again: one of the oldies from herNeighboursdays. Warmth seeps out from the inside, catching in my lungs. I’m out of breath and my mouth is dry. It’s only when I step into the hall that the horrifying, haunting thought hits me.
I turn back to the park, but there’s no figure there any longer. No sign that Ben was ever there at all. It’s hard not to wonder, though. If he did all this, then what wouldn’t he do?
And what happened to Jade?
Chapter Forty
I drift across to the speakers near the stage, where the MP3 player has been unplugged and is sitting on top of the small table. Karen’s phone has become dominant once more. Kylie becomes Jason and all our youthful pasts flood back in a blur of dodgy perms and lunchtimes skiving off school to watchNeighbours. I check that nobody’s paying me any attention and then grab the music player and stuff it into a pocket, almost to prove that this happened.
When I turn around, Billy is there, watching me with his ears pricked, as if waiting to hear what I have to say for myself. I crouch and rub his back, but this is insufficient as he turns and mooches back towards the other dogs in the corner.
I have no idea what to do.
If I called the police, what would I say? That my dead boyfriend is back? He assaulted someone with whom I’d been on a date, poisoned my dog and might have killed the person who lived opposite me? All I know about his life now is that he’s called Peter. He could disappear back to wherever he was before with no proof he was ever here. I’d sound like a madwoman.
I head back towards the doors and stare out to the green and the darkened play park. Seeing Ben already feels like something of a dream. A shadowy figure on a shadowy child’s swing at a time of year that’s known for ghosts and ghouls.
Someone I don’t recognise nudges past me with an apology. People are starting to leave the party, which means a series of lengthy goodbyes. There are hugs, handshakes, air-kisses and actual kisses, accompanied by empty platitudes like, ‘I’ll call’, or ‘I’ll be in touch’. When it comes to any social gathering, nobody can ever just leave. I’ve had shorter sleeps than some people spend saying goodbye to one another.
I’m still staring out towards the park when a hand touches my shoulder. I jump and spin around, expecting the worst – but it’s Karen. She doesn’t seem to notice my alarm, largely because she’s swaying slightly from side to side.
‘What happened with the music?’ I ask.
‘Someone playing around,’ she replies.
‘I think I’m going to leave. I’ve got an interview tomorrow morning and—’
‘You have an interview?’
