Page 23 of Glass and Bone
“Shh, it’s just me.” I turn to face Tobias, where he is kneeling on the ground next to the chair. “Are you alright?” His icy eyes are saddened, his eyebrows bunched together. He drops his hand from my shoulder and reaches for my hand, loosening my grip on the brush. “I’m sorry I scared you.” He softly pulls my hand into his.
“It’s okay.” I whisper, my breathing ragged. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I knocked, but I don’t think you could hear me.” I nodded and looked back in the mirror. A small drop of blood is trailing down from the wound on my forehead. I pull my hand out of Tobias’s and grab a tissue from the tissue box.
“Sorry.” I whisper as I press down on the wound.
“Why are you apologizing?” His confusion is apparent as he places his hand on my cheek, pulling my face towards his. He sits up a little and grabs the bandage off the vanity with his free hand. “Here.” I drop my hand and he places the bandage tightly against the wound. It stings slightly, but I hold in my wince.
“Thank you.” I whisper and look down at my hands.
“I brought you some of the tonic if you want to take some. I also brought the herbs for–” His voice trails off and I nod. I stand quickly, stepping around him to the coffee table where a glass and a vial sit. I drop down onto the couch and immediately want to curl up in a ball and fall asleep. The plush cushions cocoon around me, offering comfort. I sigh as I reach for the vial.
It smells like cinnamon, some sort of citrus, and mint. I quickly pour its contents in my mouth and almost gag as it burns its way down my throat. I set the vial down before grabbing the nectar and taking a sip of it. It's cold, despite the lack of ice, and slides down my throat, easing the pain.
“How are you feeling?” I almost forget Tobias is there as he speaks. I look over at him and set the glass down.
“I’m okay.” His lips thin as he comes to sit down next to me.
“You don’t have to lie to me, and you don’t have to be okay. It’s alright to need some time to wrap your head around everything.” His voice is soft, gentle, and I can feel the prick of tears filling my eyes.
“I am just very overwhelmed.” I spit out, fighting against the lump in my throat. His eyes soften even more, and he hesitantly opens his arms. He doesn’t make a move to touch me, he just sits there offering his comfort if I want it. Without allowing myself to think about it, I fold myself into him. His arms wrap around me, holding me tightly against his chest. Cedar and smoke fill my nose as I inhale deeply. He’s warm as if he had just been out in the sun. His lips press against the top of my head as he just holds me.
Affection isn’t something I am used to. Touch has always been negative, painful. I barely remember the feeling of my mother’s soft hands, her hugs, her love. I don’t remember a lot of my childhood, especially what occurred before she died. I blocked out a lot of memories, as most kids do when they witness something traumatic.
I was told I witnessed her murder, but I don’t remember it. I don’t even remember waking up that day, just that I was all of a sudden hiding in the trees covered in my mother’s blood and something else, but that’s all. After that, the only memories I have were filled with pain. But now, as I let Tobias just hold me, I feel a warmth in my chest I have never felt before. I feel safe, protected, and it scares me. These feelings are fleeting, and safety can end in a matter of seconds. Scarlett always said to make the most out of every situation because you never know when the opportunity will be gone. His fingers run down my spine, and I sigh.
I shift slightly and his arms loosen enough for me to pull out of them. I reach up and cup my hand over his cheek. His golden stubble pokes my palm as he looks at me with surprise. I lean forward and softly press my lips to his. He doesn’t move and doesn’t attempt to deepen anything. I pull back and his hand catches mine before I drop it.
“What was that for?” His voice is husky, deep and breathless, as if that small kiss was enough to affect him. I smile softly, blood rushing to my cheeks.
“Master Pakin told me you stayed at my bedside these last few days, making sure I was taken care of.” He relaxes and his lips twitch.
“I’m sure his exact words were that I was an annoyance.” He jokes and I laugh.
“That is exactly what he said.” He uses his free hand to brush a loose curl that somehow escaped my braid, away from my face before cupping my cheek the same way I was touching him.
“I know you are nervous and overwhelmed, but I want you to know that anything that happens between the two of us will be started by you. I am not going to push myself onto you, I am not going to do anything you don’t want. While this is my room also, if it makes you more comfortable, I can sleep on the couch or find another chamber to rest in. I don’t want you to feel any more forced in this situation than you already are.” His voice is steady and soft, and I feel my heart breaking.
I have been so terrified of Tobias these last few years because of the rumors that had somehow made their way to Chatis, but this man is completely different. This man sitting in front of me is gentle, considerate, and is doing everything possible to make sure I am comfortable. I want to yell, to scream, to hurt anyone who has ever said anything unkind about him. This is the man I always dreamed of him being.
“Thank you. You have no idea what that means to me.” I admit. He really doesn’t. He leans forward and presses his lips to the tip of my nose before dropping his hand.
“Would you like a tour?” I nod enthusiastically and he rises, bringing me with him. I bend down quickly and drain the contents of the glass, before letting him take my hand and lead me out of the door.
My limbs burn with each step, my right leg limping slightly, but I force myself to keep up with his steady pace. My core is tight, aching, but I file it away in the back of my mind. I can’t appear weak, or tired. I can’t make it seem as if I am unworthy to be here, regardless of how I arrived. I just need them to see me as someone who is meant to be here, not the imposter I feel I am.
The hallways are identical, every time we turn it's the same: floor to ceiling marble, same dark doors. Nothing to set anything apart. I have no idea where we are headed, and if I didn’t know we were in a different hallway, I would assume one of these doors was to our room.
“I could get lost here.” I whisper and his fingers tighten around mine, causing my heart to race.
“You get used to it. You start to use the windows as landmarks until you eventually can walk around without even looking.” He pulls me down another hallway and then into an archway. Marble stairs greet us, and he leads me down them. I bite my lip when a small wince bubbles up in my throat as my right leg hits the first step. When we reach the bottom, another identical hallway sits in front of us, and I silently catch my breath.
“Where are we going?” I ask as I let him lead me around the palace.
“I figured you were hungry.” I blush and instinctively place my hand over my growling belly. He pulls me through open double doors into a room that holds enough seating for hundreds of people.
The dining hall is a big square with windows lining the back wall, illuminating the marble room. I’m starting to find a common theme with the windows, any wall bordering the outer portion of the palace is almost entirely made of glass. Deep, brown wood benches and tables fill the space. A few people, mostly nobles by their appearance, are scattered throughout reading and eating. Along the left wall is a line of tables filled with food and drinks. I can smell the various scents of roasted meat and potatoes and my mouth starts to water. A few of the others look up at us, but Tobias pays them no mind.
