Page 15 of Glass and Bone
Hopingthat I can trust him.
But I feel as if my naivety is at play here, grasping for any semblance of decency in a person. Theo stays quiet, allowing me a second to breathe and to contemplate. I can’t shake the feeling that we’ve met before, but I feel like I would have remembered him. IknowI would have remembered him. But the familiarity of his presence is confusing.
“He caught up to me and knocked me down, but before he could do anything, another man appeared.” He exhales quietly in relief, his shoulders dropping slightly from released tension, but I quickly look up at him to let him know that wasn’t the end. “He kicked me in the head, and I fell unconscious. When I awoke, we had arrived at a camp with other men. The first man, Jeremiah, put me down and then the other one took me into the woods and–” My voice catches and I bury my face back into my hands, my fingers slipping into my hair and pulling at the strands. Theo wraps me into his chest, and I push his arms away, leaning back. “Please don’t touch me.” I snap, harsher than I intended.
“Did he rape you, Nora?” I nod and maintain eye contact with him. I relish in the way he says Nora, no one has really called me that since my mother. I hate the comfort I find in it, find in him. He’s soft, gentle, familiar, and I hate myself for how my heart is betraying me. “How did you get away?”
“There was a dagger,” My voice trails off as I picture the blood pouring onto my chest, shuddering from the memory.
“Did you kill him?” He finally asks after a moment of silence. All I can manage is a weak nod. “Once we get you to the palace, the master there can check you for injuries. I don’t know how much of that blood your wearing belongs to you, but he will still need to check you for–” He stops and slightly glances down at my bare legs. I press my thighs together and his eyes meet mine. He means they’ll have to check to see if the monster finished his job.
No one wants a princess that can’t guarantee the child they carry is theirs.
“They won’t want me anymore, Theo. I already told you that.” I rub at my shoulders, at my legs and arms. Anywhere those men have touched. I want the feeling ofhistouch, Aleksander's touch, to dissipate. I want the feeling of him inside me, taking everything away, to dissipate. I just want it all to fade away and be forgotten. I just want it to be over, but healing isn’t that easy. I shake my head and stare at the dirt. “Not after what happened. I can’t go to the palace.”
“Listen to me, you can’t make that choice alone. You have no idea what they will say once you arrive. If there is no evidence, if there is nothing there, you will be fine. Even if there is, there is always the tonic to terminate anything that may be present.” I can’t trust his reasoning; he doesn’t know what I’m up against. What my father said he would do if I disappointed him. I can’t rely on herbs to rid me of this. And if the herbs didn’t work, what would I do pregnant in the capital with a murderer's child?
“I’m ruined. I’m set to be married, but who would marry an impure woman?” My voice is hoarse, exhaustion ravaging its way through my body. My choices are limited. “Who would take on the unknown that would come with any child I bear?”
“They don’t have to know.” His voice sounded less convincing and more questionable. He knows they’ll be able to tell. My eyes meet his as I glare at him, my nails poking into my palms.
“There is no possible way for me tohidethis. One check by the master and I’ll be thrown out or beheaded for being a whore. Youknowthat’s true.” I snap. The pain and frustration over this night is catching up with me and I just can’t sit here and listen to him. I need to leave. I glance around, hoping a horse or something is tucked away that I can sneak on to. Anything I can use to escape, but there is nothing. At least not out in the open.
“Don’t risk your life by walking away, either. The woods aren’t safe, not if those men are still out there. You’ll be safer once we get to the city. We aren’t set to leave for another few hours, but when we do, youwillbe coming with us. I am not giving you an option on this. I am not letting you kill yourself out of fear of something that may not happen.” He leans back and looks at me, really looks at me.
His eyes stare deep into mine and I find myself wanting to know more. There is something so recognizable and comforting about him, I can’t place it. I don’t know him, nor do I know if the words he speaks are true, yet here I am, wanting him to hold me as I cry. I need to go. This man can’t possibly predict my fate, and if King Evreux is anything like my father, I will be either cast away or murdered upon my arrival.
“You don’t understand. I’m risking my life either way.” I shake my head, fighting against the tears.
“Fight for yourself, princess. You cannot predict the future.” If only I was a prophet like the man who counseled my mother, then I could. Then I could see what going to the palace would entail, but I don’t have that gift.
“No, but I have lived with a tyrant my whole life and if my soon-to-be husband is anything like the man I have heard about, he will surely kill me if he hears about this.” I turn away from him and look at the bright flames that fill the pit.
“You do not know much about me, Nora, but I promise you that I won’t let anything happen to you. You are safe now. I know of the man you are to marry, and he is not entirely like his father. Youwillbe safe.” His voice is reassuring, but I can’t trust him. He is right. I don’t know him. I don’t know anyone. I barely even know myself.
“I don’t know you, or your men, or the people I will soon be sharing a home with.” My eyes find his. “How could you possibly ask me to risk my life by quite literally entering a lion's den? You don’t know what it’s like for women in general, much less one of royalty.” My voice is strained, from emotion and exhaustion.
“I’m sorry that you went through this, princess, but I have orders. You cannot leave.” He seems apologetic, hesitant, but that doesn’t matter.
“You cannot tell a princess to do anything, Theo. You have no right.” My voice is fueled by anger as I snap at him. I know he doesn’t deserve it, but I can’t help myself.
“Kings out rule princesses, and you are on Noterran soil.”Dammit.Running is the only option I have here. If I get to the Noterran capital I will die. There is no doubt about it. I can’t possibly risk my life for a marriage I didn’t even want.
I don’t see Theo allowing me to leave anytime soon, at least not on purpose. I need to find a way to sneak away, but I need to get away fromhimfirst.
“Fine. I will rest until we are ready to depart.” I rise and he nods, accepting my excuse to part with a look of surprise. His eyebrows raise slightly in suspicion, before bending down and grabbing something.
“Here, drink some water.” He hands me a waterskin and I gratefully take it from him. Gesturing towards the tent, he stands as I walk away, watching me. Keeping his overcoat on to keep the cold air at bay, I step in and close the drape behind me.
I drop down onto the cot and let the tears take over. My weakened body shakes with uncontrollable pain as I try to forget the last few hours of my life. Just yesterday I was waking up looking forward to my last week of freedom, now I am sitting in the tent of a stranger, broken and bloody and damaged.
Damaged.
That’s what they’ll see when I finally make it to the palace. A woman's virtue is a prized possession that men like to collect. A possession meant for my future husband, but instead, taken by a monster in the woods who knew exactly what he was doing. If my father finds out about this, he’ll have me killed.
I can’t stay here. If I make it to the palace, they’ll turn me away. I have no choice. I’m dead either way, but at least if I run I have a chance.
Convincing my delirious self that this plan is the rational decision, I take a deep breath. I quickly drain the waterskin, the cool and slightly bitter liquid erasing any taste of blood from my mouth. I drop it on the cot when I’m done. I debate leaving the coat, but with the current state of my dress, I need it more than he does. I slip my arms through the sleeves and pull it tight around me.
