Page 74 of Glass and Bone
“I don’t know what you want from me, Theo. I am married, you are engaged. There is nothing between us.” Lying has become too easy here, especially when it comes to him.
“Nora–”
“Don’t call me that.” I say through gritted teeth.
“Elaenor, I don’t believe you. There has always been something between us.” I shake my head, squeezing my eyes shut. “I may marry Scarlett, but I will always love you.” He admits and I feel my breath catch.
“Don’t.” I warn. I blink back the tears gathering in my eyes and turn away from him.Damnit.
“I love you. I willalwayslove you. I will always want to be with you and only you.” I glance nervously at Laris behind me, but he had stepped away at some point, leaving us alone, which makes me even more nervous. “I know that nothing can happen, but I will always want what is best for you, and that isnotTobias.” He admits.
“You promised me he would be kind and treat me well.” My voice is cracking from the stupid emotions filling my mind. Why does Theo have to make me feel so small, so in need of his presence to breathe?
“I know–”
“He loves me.” Another lie.
“He loves no one but himself. You know that as well as I do.” I do. I had suspicions that Tobias truly didn’t love me, that he just loved his control over me. I’ve just been too afraid to admit it.
“Theo–”
“Has he hit you again?” I open my mouth to say something, but clamp it shut. “What else has he done?” I shake my head and look down at my feet. “What about Nylah?” I lift my head abruptly.
“Nylah?” I ask.
“The woman he got pregnant.”
“How do you know about her?” My pulse quickens, my fingers tightening on the thin stem of the glass.
“I’m the one who escorted her out of the palace.”
“Well you didn’t do a good job, she’s back.” I mutter, draining what’s left of my bitter red wine.
“She’s going to stay. I know my brother. He wants to know if that child is his.”
“Iknow, Theo. Don’t you think I know that? That I know what he is going to choose in the long run?” I say with a sigh, my head buzzing. “It doesn’t matter what I say, what I want, what I do. She’s not going anywhere, and neither am I. He has made it very clear that I do not have a choice in this.” I gather the skirts of my dress and start to walk towards the party, in search of more wine,betterwine.
“Elaenor.” I shake my head, but he grabs my arm anyway. “If I marry Scarlett, I will get to stay in court. I’ll get to stay near you.” My eyes meet his and I let the sorrow I feel peek through. He’s close, close enough for me to feel his breath fanning across my face. Sweet grass and spring air. It’s as if the first season of the year is embodied in him, that he himself is spring personified. It takes everything in me not to lean forward, feel his lips on mine.
“None of this matters. Nothing matters. Not to me. Not to Tobias. I feel nothing anymore.” I admit before stepping away from his touch and back to the crowd. I don’t look behind me as I push my way through the people. I hand the wineglass to a server before turning towards the palace. I quickly walk up the steps to the entryway, the double doors open to allow a steady stream of guests to enter and exit upon will. The hall is filled with more guests and more tables of food. It seems there is enough to feed a small country.
I turn down one of the hallways that I know holds a staircase, and gratefully find that it is empty. My footsteps echo across the room, the torches lighting everything up into an orange haze. It is only when I finally reach the royal chambers do I realize that Laris didn’t follow me, and I am alone for the first time in a long time.
I sigh loudly before pushing open the double doors to my room and shutting them behind me. The room is dark besides the light from the fireplace, but I make my way to the bar cart by memory. I fill a glass to the brim with sweet, pink wine and drain it before stepping away. I walk up to the balcony and stifle a chill as the wind catches me off guard. I step back out into the night and glance down at the festivities below.
I can see smaller groups gathered around certain performers or tables of food. A group in the middle is dancing and spinning to the music. Violins and cellos are stuffed in the corner where a group of people play beautiful sounds that make you want to get lost in yourself. I yawn and rest my chin on the marble railing. My eyes shift to the night sky, focusing on the stars. Deep blue and black skies sparkling with thousands and thousands of stars. My mother used to say that each star was a soul, that when we pass, we return to our rightful place in the sky.
I hope that I end up there some day, but I also sometimes wish for the chance to disappear completely. Spending an eternity in the sky doesn’t sound all that appealing. I just want to simply cease to exist.
I jump and a small squeal escapes my lips as the first firework goes off in the distance. The sky illuminates with red and purple sparks before fading. Another goes off and blue sparks explode in the sky this time. A bunch of them start to explode, filling the sky with a rainbow of colors and sparks.
I glance back down at the party and see the crowd illuminated in a bunch of different colors. The crowd parts and I see Tobias walk through it, his silver crown sparkling. He looks around frantically, and I feel like he might be looking for me. I don’t move or even attempt to let him know I’m safe, I just watch.
He stops looking and motions towards someone. I just barely make out Theo getting down on one knee and proposing to Scarlett in front of the crowd, everyone cheering and clapping. She throws her arms around his neck, and he spins her around. I let a tear escape my eyes, trailing down my cheek, before I wipe it away and step back into the dark room.
Chapter Thirty-One
I ready myself for bed, taking a short bath and changing into a warmer nightdress. The temperatures have steadily decreased during the evening, requiring a new season of clothes. I sit up in the bed, hugging my knees to my chest. My hand leaves my knees and reaches in between the mattress, but my fingers come up empty. I still haven’t been able to find my dagger, and a part of me knows it was Tobias who took it. I secretly hope he moved it somewhere safe, but I also know he is probably hiding it from me. I slide off the bed and go to the writing desk. Maybe it is in there?
