Page 73 of Glass and Bone
“What are you talking about?” My brows pinch together. I have never tried to leave, not even once.
“The bath, that isn’t the first time you’ve gone under for way too long.”
“I’m not suicidal, Tobias. I fell asleep, I told you that.” I whisper. He’s both wrong and right. He pulls me into his chest, and I let him. My eyes glance around the trees, darkening in the fading sunlight.
“I’ll make her go, just don’t leave me.” I shake my head and sigh.
“Fine.” I pull out of his arms and walk back through the trees alone, rejoining the party.
Chapter Thirty
As the sky darkens and the sun sets, torches are lit nearly every few feet to illuminate the third day of the week-long carnival. Fire-wielders are making their way through the crowd, showing off their talents. Oil sprays from their mouth onto the lit torches, causing sparks to fly through the air. The collective gasps and clapping drown out my own thoughts as I walk through our guests. Laris is close by, following my every step. Tano has disappeared, no doubt following his king. I also have no idea where Donovan ran off to, but I silently hope he is enjoying himself.
My hands graze one of the many buffet tables, my fingers gently plucking a cube of chocolate into my mouth before taking the glass of red wine that is held out to me. It isn’t nearly as delicious as the wine I have in my room, but it does enough to numb the emotions that are threatening to break free. I smile at the staff milling about, completing their duties as I continue to walk through the masses.
There are hundreds of guests here, and I am having a hard time placing all of them. I know there are the noblemen of our lands and their families, my father and some of his court, Scarlett and her family, the Noterran councilmen, and the staff and their families. Everyone is enjoying the food and drinks, the activities and games. The carnival is a big hit and while I worked on some of it, I am grateful I delegated some of the work to others. I don’t think I could have done such a good job. Mostly because I didn’t care. These types of events don’t mean much to me, but I am glad to know it is appreciated by our citizens.
My chest is heavy, both with confusion and despair, as I continue to make my way to the outer edge of the crowd. I knew Tobias had a past, I knew there were others. Theo is the one who told me that. I also knew one of them was pregnant, but I hadn’t been expecting to see her. To benearher. To see the effect she has on Tobias. To hear that she loves him. What is there not to love? I can see how he captivates the attention of nearly every woman he passes, even Scarlett isn’t immune to his beauty.
I can’t even lie to myself about her beauty, either. Her auburn hair was long and loose. It curled right near her backside in fiery waves. The green dress complimented her hair and her pale skin, perfectly. I couldn't see the color of her eyes, but her heart-shaped face and full lips tells me she’d be beautiful with any color. She is the kind of beauty that should be queen, I almost wish she had the job instead of me.
I can’t help picturing what her and Tobias’s child might look like. Would it have her red hair, or his golden-copper strands. Would they have his bright blue eyes and strong cheekbones? Would they be quick-tempered or soft and gentle? Would they be tall or short? Kind or conniving? What about our children? Will we even have them? It’s been weeks and I still have not fallen pregnant, despite our attempts. Maybe there is something wrong with me.
I single tear forms in my eyes, and I blink it away. I can’t change the situation, nothing I feel or say will get rid of their child. I can only hope that she leaves court, has the child somewhere else. It’s not fair to Tobias to not be able to know his child, but I also feel like it’s not fair to me. I can’t help thinking about the child though. Will they grow up thinking their father abandoned them? Because that is what’s happening, what I am forcing him to do. If we could keep the child without the woman, that would be fine, but then I could never forgive myself for forcing a mother to hand over her babe.
Nobody wins in this situation.
I finally reach the edge of the crowd and look over every single guest. Laughter fills the air, shouts of false fear when one of the flames gets too close. I can’t make out anyone I know in the fading light. I, for once, enjoy the seclusion. Well, as secluded as I could be with Laris a few feet away. I enjoy being a spectator instead of a participant. I don’t know where Scarlett ran off to, but I haven’t seen her since earlier. I am sure she is familiarizing herself with everyone here, getting to know her new home as I had to.
I guess I should be grateful that Tobias offered to move Scarlett and her family here. I know he means well, and this surprise makes up for a lot of the tension between us. He knows I feel alone here, and he did what he could to remedy that.
A soft thud behind me makes me jump as I turn to face Theo. I glance at the palace wall behind him and realize he had to have jumped from there. I offer him a small smile as he steps over to me.
“Nora.” He reaches out and I hesitantly place my hand in his as he brings it up to his lips. “Are you enjoying the party?” His hair is unbound, flopping in front of his eyes. He releases my hand to brush it back out of his face, his fingers catching on the pale strands. I can still see a shadow of a scar along his nose from where he had stitches.
“Yes, it is quite different from the parties in Chatis, though I was never invited to those.” I turn back to face the crowd as he comes to stand next to me. I take a small sip of the wine, and it burns my throat as it goes down.
“Why are you not out there enjoying yourself?” He asks as he follows my gaze.
“I could ask the same of you.” I murmur, staying quiet. Talking to Theo feels like a crime and I am worried if I raise my voice, it will reveal my pulsing heart rate and uneven breath in his presence.
“I’m sorry I never said goodbye.” He says after a few moments of silence.
“I don’t think you necessarily had a choice, Theo. You were shipped off.” I take another sip of my mediocre wine, why couldn’t it be the delicious pink one I like so much?
“Still. I didn’t like leaving without an explanation.” He responds. He keeps his voice quiet, probably to make sure Laris can’t hear us. I glance at Theo out of the corner of my eye and see that he is staring at me.
“Tobias said you went to the border?”
“Yes, I just went to make sure our men were ready should a Labisian agent attempt to cross the border.” I nod and take another sip of my wine. This wine doesn’t quite numb me as quickly. Maybe the different colors affect the strength? I don’t even know why I’m drinking it; it’s disgusting.
“All is well?” I keep my voice even, emotionless.
“Yes, everyone is prepared.” He mutters, uninterested. “Is this how it’s going to be?” He asks, his voice louder than it has been.
“Excuse me?” I ask, turning my head towards him.
“Are you going to continue to be cold towards me? Despite any other feelings, we are still friends. Family even.” My eyebrows pinch together as I turn my body to fully face him.
