Page 67 of Revert
I reached toward one of the scenes, just shy of touching it—the carving of our names in the tree in the abandoned ruins, one of the few I had been able to rediscover on my own, evidence that these precious moments hadn’t been entirely erased by magic, but always remained a part of me. The memory rippled gently under my palm, like light on water.
“I didn’t know it had always been this way between us.” My chest ached with the weight of it.
Behind me, Castiel finally spoke, his voice hushed. “Even when you didn’t remember me, I always remembered you. No matter how much I tried to stay away so my father would have no reason to hurt you, every time some part of you still chose me…even when I didn’t deserve your love. But oh, how I want it.”
He stroked my cheek with a tenderness that seemed to link every romantic gesture across the timelines we’d spent falling in love.
“My father is ruled by a burning desire for power and acclaim; that desire commands his every decision. Yet my desirefor you is just as powerful—no matter how many times you forget me, I will never stop trying to win your heart anew.”
We stood together in the quiet, surrounded by echoes—of words, of timelines, of kisses both remembered and undone. I could barely fathom the enormity of it, of how many lives I had lived without knowing.
Castiel eventually broke the fragile stillness. “I know it’s unfathomable. Though it appears you’ve only been in Thorndale for five years, in truth it’s been decades, maybe even longer.”
My throat tightened, heart stumbling in my chest as I turned towards him. He wasn’t looking at the scenes, but watching me, his eyes softened with hope and something mournful. “Which one was the original?”
He was quiet for a long moment. “The one that mattered most,” he said at last. “The one where we first fell in love. That timeline is long forgotten now, its only memory remains with me. What could never change or be rewritten is that no matter how many times you forgot, I have never stopped loving you.”
Tears burned at the corners of my vision. “And me. Those are the moments I’ve been remembering, the ones that drew me back to you, even when I didn’t understand why…only for you to push me away.”
He released a long, exhausted sigh—one weighted by the countless lives he’d lived, and the pain each had carved into him.
“No matter how often I was forced to, it never got any easier, or made me miss you any less. Yet my agony would be worth it if I could but protect you.” He turned towards the flickering scenes as though searching for that first life we’d lived together.
“When my father betrothed you to me, I knew it was because he’d chosen someone that met all his criteria: someone of proper nobility, someone who could bring the support of her kingdom, but especially someone he could manipulate.” A hint of a smile played at the corner of his mouth. “Or at least hethoughthecould manipulate you.” His face grew more serious. “You also came from a very specific family.”
My brow furrowed.A specific family?Other than my royal lineage, he was likely referring to the fact that my father was too ill to make a complaint if his daughter wasn’t treated well.
I dropped my gaze, remembering the long, lonely days when I was new to Thorndale, without even a maidservant for a friend. The one thing that had kept me from breaking was my mission, my sole purpose in enduring a miserable existence.
“I feared the king above all else other than failure,” I said softly. “I used to wish I could confide in you, to have someone to share life with, even if we never fell in love.”
Castiel winced. “I wanted nothing more, but I knew that showing the slightest affection for you, even mere friendship, would draw the king’s suspicion. For two years I managed to play the part of uncaring fiancé…until one day something changed.”
I peered at him curiously. “What happened?”
“One morning when the courier was delivering mail, you ran out of your room to greet him just as I was passing by. He gave you a handful of letters and your eyes were so full of hope as you leafed through them. I thought I’d never seen anything so beautiful.” He swallowed. “And then the hope was dashed from your eyes. Whatever you were looking for, it wasn’t there, and I’d never seen such unguarded sorrow in you before.”
I stretched my recollection past the fog of tangled timelines to the years before the shifting began. “I remember that,” I murmured. “Every day I hoped and prayed that I would receive a letter from my father, telling me he was improved…or at least communicating with me in some way. But he never wrote, and I spent much of my days wondering if he was even still alive.”
I looked up at him thoughtfully as my recollection expanded, allowing me to remember the finer details of what had transpired that day.
“You stopped and asked if I needed anything. The words were simple and perfunctory, but for the first time I had the impression that you actually cared.”
Castiel touched a fingertip to my cheek, capturing a tear I hadn’t realized had fallen—whether from a moment of longing for what could have been, or the ache of missing my ill father.
“I cared long before that, but that moment was when I finally gave in to weakness and allowed my heart to accept the possibility of loving you, even against the king’s wishes. Had I not done that, you might have been spared the lifetimes you’ve been through. But no what sorrows we were forced to endure, I couldn’t seem to regret building a relationship with you.”
“I don’t regret it either,” I whispered.
Something raw filled his expression as he looked at me. “Yet it was always in vain. No matter which life you live, it always ends in your suffering. I can’t bear it anymore. Please help me end it.”
I cradled his face, basking in the nostalgia the simple gesture caused to fill my heart…and now I finally understood why. “Now that I remember, I can’t bear to forget again, or endure another timeline apart from you. Nor do I want you to have to carry this alone any longer. Let me help you.”
He laid his hand over mine, entwining our fingers, the movement as natural as if we’d done it hundreds of times.
“I don’t know how. We’ve been trapped in an endless loop for years, repeating the same cycle over and over. After your last death that I was forced to perform to trigger the magic that would send you back in time and save you from the king’s wrath, I knew I couldn’t keep doing this. The only way to finally change it…was to do it together.”
I squeezed his hand. “Then let’s change history.”
