Page 9 of Raven's Hacker
“That sounds like a lot of crap to go through at such a young age. I’m sorry you didn’t have a mother who would protect you.” She just looked sad for me. It didn’t look like pity, it looked like sadness, with a touch of something else. Pride? “But that’s awesome that you recognized you needed help and had a support system to get that for you. That’s awesome.”
“Therapy sounds like it's working for you, too.” She smiled at me. Shesmiled. At somethingIsaid!
“It is. I’m finally letting go of the anger and bitterness toward Matthew and his failure as Ryder's dad. I’ve been grieving the life I thought I was going to have for the last couple of weeks, and I can say that it’s helping me move on from him. It’s been hard, but I’m seeing all the red flags where we both dropped the ball. But I’m also starting to see a new future, and it’s starting to take a much different shape.”
“Are you happy with the shape it’s taking?” I asked. Because the guys said asking questions about what she was talking about, and listening intently to what she said, was incredibly important. I was thankful that she couldn’t see the notepad I had where I was writing down little bits about her.
“Yes,” she smiled, looking right into my eyes. Like she was trying to tell me something. I felt my mouth twitch up into something that looked almost like a smile.
I think I’m in love.
E I G H T: I like you.
Raven’s POV
After that first call, we FaceTimed every night for the last three and a half months. I loved talking to him. I loved watching all of his emotions splay across his face. I loved watching him as he processed and recognized good, happy, loving emotions. He explained that because all of what he knew growing up was pain, he had a hard time deciphering different emotions. It was amazing to see. I loved watching him fall in love with me, as I fell, possibly, harder than he did. I loved watching how open he was with his emotions. How he just opened up and let me see him.
“So. I was wondering if I could invite you and Ryder to fly out in about two months?” I looked at him as he blushed and got more nervous, rubbing the back of his neck while trying to maintain cool guy status.
“What’s going on in two months?”
“We’ll have been talking to each other for a year, and it’ll be six months since I first saw your face that wasn’t just a photo.” I smiled at him as his blush deepened, never moving his eyes away from mine. He had gained so much confidence in the last few months.
“What dates are you thinking about? I’ll have to check with Emily.” He smiled big, giving me a couple of different dates, looking and sounding so excited. I sent her a quick text while we kept talking. When my phone pinged, I saw the second set of dates was what would work best for time off.
Smiling, I shoot her back a ‘thank you’ text while letting him know that the end of May would work best for us. He smiled, texted someone, and then I heard a thundering of pings coming from his phone. He chuckled at my face. I looked a cross between confused and concerned. I drew my brows together, smiling at him, concerned he needed to answer the phone.
“Do you need to get that?” I giggled, tilting my head.
“No. That’s my club brothers congratulating me. You’re um…you’re the first girl I’ve ever talked to. I…umm…” He was rubbing the back of his neck again, looking even more nervous. “Can I talk to you about something kind of heavy? I um…I’ll understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore. But I feel like I need to tell you this.”
The smile wiped off my face as I became serious, sensing whatever he wanted to talk about wasn’t pleasant. I wasn’t sure what I should be bracing for, but whatever I had been thinking he wanted to talk about could not have prepared me for what was said. And it wasn’t. He told me a little bit about his childhood. He told me he didn’t like being touched. At all. And he was finally okay with people coming into his space, but it took over fifteen years for that to happen. I was crushed and sobbing by the end of his story. I had tears streaming down my face, my heart hurting so badly for the little boy who just needed someone, anyone, to protect him, and having no one. Beckam could barely look at me, and I wasn’t sure if it was my reaction or if it was embarrassment.
“Beck?” I waited to see if he would look at me, or if I should just continue. He didn’t, and that hurt a little. I swallowed back my feelings because he’d just shared a lot, and I know sharing a lot can put you in a kind of dissociative state. “Please look at me. Please?” I wasn’t above begging. When hestill wouldn’t, I decided to just start talking. I took a shaky, steadying breath.
“That was the saddest story I think I have ever heard in my life,” I wiped my nose with a tissue, looking at him through the cameras on our computers. “I am so, so sorry you went through all that. I cannot imagine trying to survive that every day, but you did. You did, and on this journey of healing, you’ve come out so much better and braver than you were the first day you left. You’re getting stronger and braver every day, Beckam. I might…also be out of line here, but I very much enjoy talking to you every day.”
That got him.
He looked up at me, eyes wide and red-rimmed. His mouth opened and closed like a fish struggling for breath, like he didn’t know what to say, so I kept going. I’d already started.
“I was kind of hoping to say this to you in person, but I already started, so why not? I like talking with you. You’re always on my mind, and I find myself wondering what you’d think about my friends, and about doing some of the fun things Ryder and I do. I find myself wondering if Ryder would like you…and if you’d like him. BecauseI like you, Beckam. A lot.”
He just stared at me. Tears were falling down his cheeks. I touched the screen, wishing I were a witch in one of my smutty paranormal books who could teleport. I wanted to be there right now.
“I wish I could wipe away your tears for you,” I said, moving the laptop closer. Feeling like, if we had been together when I said this for the first time, we might have kissed for the first time too. I’d never force him or rush him into anything he doesn’t want, but I swear I could totally kiss those luscious lips. Iwanted to go at his pace, though. I loved seeing him change and become this confident, wonderful man on the screen in front of me now. I loved seeing him smile and make corny jokes.
“I like you, too, Raven.” He said, smiling at me like I’d just given him the best gift in the world.
N I N E: Preparation.
Hacker’s POV
Over the next two months, I worked really hard on getting myself ready to meet Raven and Ryder officially. I’d met him a couple of times over FaceTime, but nothing more than a hello and a few questions. He thought it was cool that I worked on computers and that I had a motorcycle. I showed him, when he asked to see what it looked like and sounded like, one night. Hades was walking out of the clubhouse when I asked if he’d film me showing Ryder. He smiled and took the phone from me, flipping the camera around so Raven and Ryder could see me start my bike. I watched Hades smile, his bright, incredible smile he only showed to Indie and the kids, that I’d seen on security footage, and I knew that Ryder had to be loving it. So I revved my engine. When his smile touched his eyes, I knew. And I couldn’t stop the happiness it gave me to see him smile, knowing that the boy I hoped I’d one day be able to call mine was most likely freaking out.
I also introduced Raven to Indie, Willow, and Becca because these were the old ladies of my brothers, and I knew she would most likely hang out with them when they decided to move up here; when she understood how serious I was about her, she decided to get serious about me, too.
Who was I kidding? I only prayed she could be serious about me. I was in too deep with her already. The day after she said she’d be coming to visit, confirmed their flight information and everything, I asked the old ladies I was comfortable with for help. I had never really taken much care of my appearance before. I’d never cared what clothes I wore or what my hair did.I had been picking up some better habits lately, knowing that I needed to be someone Ryder could look up to, Raven could count on, and someone I could believe in. I had taken to cleaning up my room and keeping it meticulously clean. I also aired it out because…well, it fucking smelled like a teenage boy who never did his laundry after sports. I had basically been a hermit for the decade and a half, trying my best to stay small, in the shadows, and somewhere people couldn’t get to me. Now, I was thrusting myself into adulthood and trying to be someone dependable.
