Page 10 of Raven's Hacker
It was insanely fucking embarrassing. But I was glad to take Indie and Willow’s advice to buy the deep cleaning products, start by opening the windows, and gather all the cloth surfaces to be taken to the laundry. They offered to help while I knew I needed to toss it all, most likely, and buy new, but they seemed to think it’d be okay. Becca offered to watch the kids while they helped me deep clean my room, dusting, disinfecting, and bleaching just about every surface. About halfway through, they tossed the idea of saving the cotton stuff and decided I needed a new mattress, bigger than a twin. Telling them when I first patched in that I wanted a twin because I didn’t want anyone in my space was the biggest thing I’d ever asked for. It was all I wanted at the time. Now?
I wanted to be a family man. And that required a bigger bed and an updated wardrobe. Most of my clothes either had grease on them or holes in them. They were in desperate need of replacement. They promised to take me shopping the next day to pick out new clothes from this century. That was where we were heading now.
Fucking shopping.
Not where I wanted to be.
Three days later, I was still recovering from two afternoons of shopping with those two. I had new jeans, black, dark wash, light wash, all different cuts. I had a shirt in every color and style. Basic t-shirts, button-up t-shirts, and long-sleeved shirts, along with new riding boots, tennis shoes, and slippers. I had everything I could ever need, clothing-wise, and the second day was for all the ‘little things’ I apparently needed to make the space welcoming, as well as to pick up my new mattress, frame, and all the bedding. I was relaxing, trying to get used to the new mattress, when she said she and Ryder were looking forward to coming. She filled me in on the things going on in her life. Her mom was currently on a date with Jefferson. That explained how Petey could affordallmy services. I hoped it worked out for them, like I was praying this would work out for Raven and me. From what Raven had told me, she sounded like an amazing lady.
The more I learned about Raven and Ryder, the deeper I fell for these two. I really hoped this long weekend they were coming for went well. I pressed the button on the remote for my bed and lifted the end of it. It had hydraulics on the frame, so the end of the bed lifted up for storage. That was going to be where I put some of the hard drives I couldn’t get rid of, so they weren’t taking up a huge part of the room. I had also decided to store most of my books, extra sheets, and towels in the under-the-bed storage. Made the room look a little less cluttered after cleaning and downsizing on a lot of things. I was also getting a new couch that pulled out into a bed for Ryder. I was going to order sheets he’d like for it when I talked to him tonight.
I wanted to set up a gaming area for us, because he did say he liked to play the ‘old school Mario’, and I couldn’t wait to kick his little behind at this! There wasn’t room for much else inmy smaller room. I was only one person, and had been since the day I arrived.
Hell!
I still lived down the prospect’s fucking hall! None of these rooms had been designed for multiple occupants. I had a new closet system coming, so I could get rid of the dresser from taking up so much space. It was a smaller system, but it was perfect for us, and it would give me the extra space needed for the gaming area. I really wanted to be able to have that for Ryder and me. I was feeling good about this for the first time in days.
Beck: What kind of sheets would he like? Dinosaurs? Minecraft?
Raven: It doesn’t matter. You really don’t have to go all out.
Beck: If he’s coming or wants to come, I want him to be comfortable here and to feel like I’m excited to have him here. Which I am. It’s not just you I’m excited to meet. I feel like I’ve been getting to know both of you all these months. I’ve already got some navy-blue towels for him. I’d like to do this for him. Please.
The dots appeared and disappeared. Then reappeared. And disappeared again. Finally, she just called me.
“Hey,” she was whispering, and it sounded like she’d been crying, “Sorry. It’s been a long day with Ryder.”
“What’s going on?” I asked, sounding concerned, sitting in my desk chair out of habit, ready to look into whoever, dig up whatever, the only way I knew how to fix things.
“He’s just…well, to be honest, Beckam. He’s really upset because his dad isn’t evenattemptingto put in half the effortyou are with him. He’s got a lot of big emotions he’s feeling right now,” her voice broke a few times as she tried to tell me, and I couldn’t help but want to destroy that ex of hers even more. While at the same time, help him to be the dad Ryder needed. To me, this felt like the last chance I’d promised myself I would give him.
“I get it. He doesn’t have to come if he doesn’t want to. He also doesn’t need to do anything he doesn’t want to where I am concerned. I’m here when he’s ready or willing. It’s not a big deal,”even though it would mean the world to me. I couldn’t seem to add that last part in, worried I’d somehow let too much of my feelings spill over. I heard a low, tiny,‘Can I talk to him?’
“Ryder would like to see you, if that’s—” I held my breath, unable to decipher if this was going to be good or bad. I hit the video call button and waited for it to connect.
“Great! Let me talk to him, please.” I saw the phone shuffling, then it moved between the two of them, and she said something about being nice, before I heard a slightly squeaky “hello?” He kept the camera pointed up, not ready for me to see anything.
“Hey, Ryder! What’s up, buddy?” I tried to keep my tone cheerful and upbeat.
“You can do cool computer stuff, right? Mom said you’re the one who got the proof about my dad?” Poor kid sounded like he’d been screaming; his voice was so rough. I didn’t know how long you had to scream for your voice to sound like gravel, but this kid had been screaming for however long it took.
“I can, and I did,” I draw out, “Where’s this going, man?” I spun around in the computer chair, facing away from the screens, needing to be present in this phone call more thananything else. I needed to understand where he was going with this.
“Well. My dad… he doesn’t want to be around me. Ever.” His little voice sounded so rough and raw, like this was killing him just saying the words out loud. And I think it was. I wouldn’t know, because I was thankful to be rid of my egg donor and never knew my dad. But I could imagine what life would be like without his mom in it.
“I’m sorry, man. That’s rough.” I tried to sympathize with him, but I was genuinely sorry for what he’s going through.
“So, I was wondering,” he paused, still not coming into camera view, “Is there a way that I don’t have to keep seeing him? Could you find a way for me to just be with my mom? I don’t want to try with my dad anymore. It hurts too much, and it’s been almost a whole year of this. He comes and goes, and makes promises he doesn’t keep. He forgets about me as soon as I’m off the phone with him. I’m going to be ten in a month, and I don’t want to do it anymore.” He didn’t sound angry anymore, just defeated. I paused, trying to think. I wasn’t a parent, and I didn’t know much about kids other than you respected their boundaries and kept them safe and healthy.
“Does your mom know you feel this way?” He was hesitating to answer, which meant no, but he wasn’t saying. I also took this as him not wanting to lie to me, so I just started talking, rubbing my forehead, trying to think of the right things to say.
“Look, Ryder, I’m not going to tell her I’m helping you with this.But,” I said, pausing and holding up a finger, like he was right in front of me, and continued before he had a chance to get too excited about it, “You need her approval to go throughwith it. I will get the information together, but you have to talk to her before you act on it, deal?”
“Can you help me?” He sounded small again.
“Talk to her?” I asked, staring intently into the screen. The phone started to move, and suddenly, I was face to face with a little boy with red rimmed eyes. He looked at me, pleadingly so.
“If you want me to be there, I will,” I said earnestly.
