Page 47 of The Bookseller and the Alpha
He lowered his head, until his nose was in the crook of my shoulder. “Mate,” he rumbled again, and his arms came around my body, caging me oh so gently against him. I felt precious. Protected. Safe. My breathing settled and my anxiety dropped away. No-one had ever made me feel like this before. As though I waseverything.
Dad had walked out on his marriage, on us, but he’d kept in occasional contact. Birthdays and Christmas. Enough to show that he remembered our existence. Elie had tried to keep a connection, sending letters back to dad, filling him in on both our achievements. He didn’t show any acknowledgment of those updates in any of his cards. They were impersonal, brief messages. Who knew if he even organised them or if he got his assistant to fill out the brief message and he just scrawled his name at the bottom.
Our mother had been great when Elie and I were younger. We had been close, until we weren’t; the day I’d failed my Tests. After that, not so much. She had ranted at me that night, blaming me for the failure, for her shame that one of her children had failed the most basic test for magical aptitude. I’d begged and pleaded, said I was sorry, but she hadn’t listened. She hadn’t heard the devastation in my own voice, the loss I was suffering as the life I’d envisioned was suddenly barred from me. No magic academy. No work in the magical fields. Nothing. I was a Null and she acted as though it was my fucking fault.
I think she regretted her loss of control that night, but she never reverted to the caring figure she’d been before my failure. She hadn’t neglected me or forgotten about my existence, but emotionally, she had shut me out. From the time Elie’s magic had come in, and mine hadn’t, Elie had been the focus of her attention. Mum was physically present and she paid lip service to her parental obligations towards me, but from that day her eyes were empty when she looked at me. If I got sick, she would take me to the doctor, because it was expected, but she didn’t care. She came to parent-teacher interviews but never showed any pride in my achievements. She was more excited when our dog had learned a new trick. It had taken me a long time to understand that her own self-worth was tied up with our ability to do magic. My parents’ marriage had been based on mutual magical compatibility, the continuation of a pure-bred line of Witches, and until the day I had failed my Tests, she had never once contemplated that either of us would fail.
Elie, my wonderful Elie, had saved my sanity. She’d tried to be both sister and mother to me. She’d looked after me in those first few days, when I was lost and hurting. Until I’d been able to function on my own. We’d both grown up too quickly when I failed. Me, because our mum barely acknowledged my existence; Elie, because she became mum’s total focus. As muchas it had been a betrayal of everything I’d believed in when our mother shut me out, I’m not sure if what Elie went through wasn’t worse. I just got ignored and that shit gets easier over time. But Elie, Elie got pushed; pushed so hard it was a wonder my sister didn’t break. Elie had to be the best at everything. The first in every class. The best she could be. No matter how hard mum pushed, Elie did what mum wanted. Until we turned eighteen and we could both run.
So the feeling that filled my chest as I rested in Beast’s arms was wholly unfamiliar. There was the sense of rightness I’d felt when Luc had held me in his arms, but it was more than that. It was deep and utter contentment. Safety. There was no more anxiety, none of my negative self-talk that I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough or smart enough. All my doubts fell away.
My breath hitched and I leaned my head against Beast’s chest, bringing my own arms up and around his waist. He was so broad that I couldn’t reach fully around him. His purr filled the air around me.
Then Beast’s emotions crashed into my mind like a tsunami against a house of paper. If he hadn’t been holding me in his arms I’d have staggered at the onslaught. I felt worthy. Beautiful. Andloved.Beast’s feelings for me filled all the scarred and hollow places in my chest, where I’d locked away all my hurt and resentment. My feelings of abandonment. Of inadequacy. They were all gone, washed away by the flood of his emotions.
LOVE. PROTECT. MATE.
I reeled, the sensations overwhelming. Beast’s enormous mental presence swamped me, and it was suddenly too much, too soon. I was drowning, trying to stay afloat, to keep my own sense of identity. I didn’t know how to shield my mind from his, to slow the torrent of his feelings.
But I had to do something to break the connection. Now. Later I’d find out how to do it properly. I shoved that into theboxfor shit to sort out with Luc.I dropped my arms andducked out of Beast’s hold.
As soon as my body was no longer in contact with his, the torrent of feelings just stopped. The pressure on my chest went away. I could think again. Beast’s head snapped up and he reached for me. I stepped back, staying several feet away from him. “I know, big guy, I know. But you’re hurt and we’re safe now. Do you think you could let Luc talk to me? We need to get somewhere safe and you need to see a doctor.”
Beast’s gaze pinned me. His eyes searched mine, looking deep into my soul. I could see the fight he was having with himself. Beast didn’t want to let me go. “Hey, I’ll still be here, okay.” I didn’t know what to do, what to say, to get Beast to stand down. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Beast nodded once and shut his eyes. When they opened, they were brown. Luc was back.
Chapter 52
Luc
I felt myself sway. What the fuck? Godsdamnit, my leg throbbed. My abdomen hurt too, but my leg was worse. Shifter healing would deal with it, but it was gonna hurt like a bitch as it healed. I looked around, having trouble focussing my eyes. What had happened? I hadn’t felt this bad since I’d half killed myself when I’d crashed my motorbike. Had I been in an accident? I couldn’t remember how I’d got injured.
My mate’s sweet scent teased my nostrils.
Caly! My gut told me something bad had happened. I shook my head, trying to clear it. I couldn’t remember what it was, but every instinct told me I needed to move, to protect my mate. Panic was an insistent drum in my chest.
I staggered. Fuck. My leg didn’t work properly. I whirled towards Caly, my head whipping around as I searched for threats. I still couldn’t remember what had happened.
Caly stopped so abruptly in front of me that it was amazing that she kept her feet. My eyes raked over her body. She looked pale. Shocked, but unhurt.
“Luc,” her voice was soft, hesitant. “You’re hurt. Can you change back? We need to go. You need medical help.”
“No. No doctor.” My voice was a harsh rumble. “It’s not safe.” I turned, trying to see all parts of the parking garage. A memory teased me. There had been an explosion. A crash. Pain.
PROTECT MATE. The area we were standing in was too open. Too exposed. We had to run. Hide. Until I healed, I couldn’t properly protect her. I tracked our surroundings for threats. No movement. My eyes narrowed as I spotted my car, crumpled against another vehicle. A memory slammed into me. I hadthrownmy car. My mind still screamed that there was danger, but I couldn’t see it.
DANGER. PROTECT. My thoughts were disjointed. My chest heaved.
“Luc,” Caly said again. My head whipped around. Mate. So beautiful.PROTECT. BOND. Her sweet smell enticed me and my cock jerked and swelled.Yes, if we were bonded, I would always know where she was.KEEP HER SAFE.
I could hear the hitch in Caly’s breathing and she took a small step backwards. I stalked forwards. My leg still hurt but I could walk on it now. I grinned. I would show her pleasure and mate her.TONIGHT.
“You need to tell Beast to stand down. He’s still trying to be in charge.”
I stopped, shaking my head again, still trying to clear it. The problem seemed to be getting worse, not better. My vision was blurry. It was almost as though I was seeing two versions of the parking garage. Beast. In charge? What the fuck had I done?
“Tell me,” I said. My voice wasn’t my own. It sounded the way Beast sounded when he spoke to me in my head. This was bad. This was so fucking bad. But I couldn’t think straight. I needed to know what I’d done.
