Page 20 of Only for Me
He left the question open ended but I filled that shit in.The anniversary is close.
The anniversary of when my world spiraled. I never wanted kids. Raaj of all people knew that more than anyone based on the number of drafted legal threats he delivered to women who thought I would play that game with them. Now here I was, demanding custody for a kid I didn’t know about, from a woman who was trying with everything in her limited arsenal to keep me detached from her or my daughter.
Raaj was smart and he knew me well. There was not a damn chance he wasn’t making assumptions about why I was pushing so hard for this. The past month I had been more than reckless with my behavior and it was only going to get progressively worse. He had every right to question this dumb shit I was doing.
“No, but I said I’m good, I don’t need to talk to anyone.”
“Maybe you should...”
“Maybe you should focus on legal shit instead of trying to shrink me.”
“I’m trying to prevent more legal shit from landing on my desk. Why don’t we sit on this for a minute…”
I glared at him. “Whether we do this now or wait until I wake up the day after the anniversary of losing O’Rion doesn’t matter. She’s still going to be my kid, Raaj. I can’t do shit about that.”
“You’re right, if she’s yours today, she’ll be yours tomorrow. But the reason you want to acknowledge that she is damn sure might matter. Once you make this official, you can’t back out of it. Maybe we should…”
“You’re my attorney, not my shrink, finalize the paperwork.”
He narrowed his eyes, offered a tight nod, and walked away. He saw right through my shit but I wasn’t about to admit that he was right, so I let him go. When I was back inside, Makari was in the living room strapping the carrier on. Avi was lying on her back up against the rear of the sofa, still asleep, but Makari stood guard.
“I appreciate you working with me on all this.”
“Don’t thank me. It’s not like I had a choice.”
I laughed because she was mad as hell. She hated being under my control and that low key had me smiling.
“You had a choice, just not one that would have gotten you what you wanted.”
“You don’t know what I want.”
“You wantmeout of your life and hers.”
“Okay, maybe you’re not as self absorbed as I thought. You pay attention to wants and needs other than your own.”
“How you think I’m self-absorbed?”
“This is all about your ego, Omiri. You’re only pushing for custody because I don’t want you in her life.”
“Yeah, you’re right, that’s a big part of it because I don’t understand why you’re fighting me so hard for this.”
“We went over this already.”
“We didn’t go over a damn thing. You told me all the stuff you think you know about me and decided that shit was law. That isn’t me, baby girl. Just situations in my life. I’m a little reckless at times, I’ll own that, but me being reckless isn’t new.” I walked up on her and dropped my chin. “I was reckless when you let me suck on your pussy and I damn sure was reckless when I had you bouncing on my dick. I was good enough then but not now?”
“That wasme. I’m an adult. This is about Avi. She’s a defenseless child.”
“Mychild. Like it or not, she’s mine too. I’m her father, which means I have the right to be in her life and you’re gonna stop fucking judging me based on what youthinkyou know, ’cause you don’t know.”
She gritted her jaw then relaxed her shoulders like she was choosing not to engage with me. Good, I was ready to step behind this. I was tired of her telling me I wasn’t shit or not good enough to be a father to my daughter.
“I’m just trying to do what’s best for her.”
“And you think I’m not?”
“I think you’re stuck between doing what’s right and doing what you truly want.”
Why the hell did I feel like she could see right through my intentions? I didn’t like that shit.
