Page 128 of Only for Me
“Because you owe me. It’s the least you can do.”
“Why do I owe you? Why won’t you just say it? I know it’s how you feel but you refuse to say the words, just do that shit. Get it off your chest.”
She was quiet and I shook my head, assuming she wouldn’t. I was surprised when she said the words after all this time.
“Because it should have been you, not my baby. He should be here.”
All these years I’d assumed it would hurt more than it did, but truly hearing the words settled something in me. What I wanted from her I would never get, because she was fucked up in her head and heart.
“You know I’m yours too, right?”
She was quiet again so I kept talking.
“And what makes it worse is you hate me for looking like the man you so-called hate, but guess what, Ma? You love that nigga more than you love yourself because you’re still with him. You dislike me for being him but you give him all you have. Make that shit make sense.”
She remained quiet and I shook my head,
“You can’t because you’re fucking insane. I really don’t understand how you can love one son and not the other. I for sure don’t understand your twisted ass mind with me, knowing the way I love my daughter. There’s no way on earth I could even process doing the shit to her that you did to me.”
“You have a daughter…”
A small part of me felt hope and I hated that so much.
“Yeah, I have a daughter.” My mother lived a simple life. She didn’t do social media, and she avoided anything attached to my name, so it was possible she didn’t know.
“Just another reason I can’t love you. You have everything that he never will. It’s not fair, Omiri.”
“That’s how you feel? You’re really gonna hit me with that shit? It’s fuck me and my daughter?
“Can you please take care of your brother’s grave? I never ask you for anything, Omiri. Just do this one thing and you can go back to the life you don’t deserve.”
I chuckled dryly. “Yeah, I got it.”
She ended the call. No thank you, no fuck you, no kiss my ass. I wanted to feel something but I’d become numb where she was concerned years ago. This was where we were and this was where we would always be.
I was about to lock my phone but a text came through from Van letting me know Kameron’s people were pulling up at the house soon, which meant Makari would be occupied for a few hours. So I decided to handle this thing with my brother so I could push that shit to the back of my mind and focus on movingforward with my life. I couldn’t change the past but I couldn’t live here either.
Chapter 21
Makari
Janice was officially hired. I for sure was going to let her complete the trial week before I let her know just in case, but in my mind, she was officially part of the team. The way I moved through my day productively because I didn’t have to stop and get distracted by changing Avi, making her breakfast or lunch, or grabbing a toy that she tossed across the room.
As much as I loved my baby, juggling caring for her while trying to work was challenging. I rolled my eyes every time I heard Omiri’s voice in my head telling me I needed help and that I didn’t have anything to prove. There were so many reasons I refused, mostly because I didn’t want to become what everyone expected me to be, a woman living off my man’s money and privilege.
The things they said about me being a gold digger occasionally surfaced, no matter how much I said it didn’t bother me. I knew who I was, Omiri confirmed how he saw me, but the lies and accusations still bothered me. I also didn’t want to be viewed as a bad mother. That was my mother’s voice in my head.You can’t handle being a mother. You’ll come back home, begging me to do what you’re not capable of.
She didn’t believe I could be a good mother and I had to prove that to not just her but myself. So yeah, accepting help was hard for me. But after today, everyone who had anything to say about me, my life, and my ability to be a good mother to Avi could kiss my entire ass. Being a good mother meant being the best version of myself and that meant showing Avi I could have a successful business, love her properly, and provide balance.
“Ms. Phoenix…”
I turned to Janice and smiled. “Makari, please.”
“Avi is down for her nap. Do you need anything?”
“No, I’m good for now. Thank you. I’m having company and she’ll want to see Avi. So please bring her to me when she’s up from her nap, that would be great.”
“Yes, ma’am. Can I prepare anything for the two of you?”
