Page 61 of The Fallacy of True Love
That was the thing about repetition. Experience something often enough, and your brain gets stuck in the pattern of computing if this happens, then this follows. X leads to Y.
I could be wrong. I’d love the best-case scenario to play out, but I preferred to prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised. Better that than to keep my hopes up only to end up falling flat on my ass. The crash hurt far less when you had a safety net down below.
The jury was still out on whether Alonzo would actually pull through for me. Either way, I’d be damned if I wasn’t ready for the outcome.
Alonzo
After class, I dropped off Cam’s papers at a nearby mailing center and went home.
Mama looked away from the television as I entered the house. “Alonzo,” she said, pausing her show.
“Hi, Mama.” I swapped out my shoes for slippers and padded over to her. “Where’s Papa?”
She tilted her head to the side so I could kiss her cheek. “He has dinner with his officemates. You’re home early.”
“Yeah.” Putting my bag on the floor, I sat next to her on the sofa. “I figured I’d just study here.”
She beamed. “I’m glad. It feels like we haven’t talked for so long.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “We had breakfast together this morning.”
“Yes, but you were in a rush.”
“I didn’t want to be late for class.” My voice sounded defensive even to my own ears. I knew she wasn’t scolding me, but after Papa’s sermon just yesterday, it felt like I couldn’t do anything right. “I’m sorry.”
She put her hand on my thigh. “No, I know you’re busy and you’re under a lot of pressure. I just miss talking to you like we used to.”
I nodded, because I did too. As long as I could remember, Mama worked tirelessly, but she always made time to have at least one meal per day with me and Luna. After Luna followed Tala to the US, it had been the two of us for over a year. Then Tala and Papa came home, and things changed. “You have Papa now.”
“Yes, and I’m happy he’s home,” she said. “But it’s different, spending time with my children.”
“Even though I’m the one you see the most?” I teased.
She narrowed her eyes but smiled. “I’m not picking favorites.”
“You don’t have to. I know I’m yours.”
She laughed and shook her head.
I had been planning to heat some food and eat it in my room while studying, but now— “Are you hungry?”
“I already ate, but there’s sinigang in the fridge. I can heat it for you.”
“I’ll do it. But I’d love the company if you can take a break from the TV.”
She turned it off and beamed at me. “Of course.”
“This is delicious, Mama,” I said as I made quick work of my food.
Her face lit up. “Luna showed me how to tweak the flavor so it’s closer to your lola’s. I’m glad you like it.”
“Thanks for cooking.”
“It’s good you’re here to eat the food.” There was a long period of silence while she watched me eat. And then: “How are you, Alonzo?”
“Tired.” The word slipped out before I could filter my answer. I followed it up with a smile. “You know, classes.”
“Are you enjoying law school?”
