Page 136 of The Fallacy of True Love
I choked on my saliva. “Whoa. We haven’t established that.”
“You aren’t just talking to him every night, you also have this look in your eyes when you talk about him. We don’t have to say his name anymore because it’s almost automatic that he’s the guy you’re referring to. Heck, you never even used guys’ names before. It was always just ‘Blue Eyes’ or ‘Dragon Tatt.’ Plus, you kept his letters and you won’t show them to me.”
“They’re private.” They were also so fragile that I’d kept them in a plastic envelope along with the others after rereading Alonzo’s words a million times.
Today’s note had been written on a page from his notebook.
Maya—
Last night was one of the hardest nights of my life. It was hard to drive away from you after what you shared, but that was nothing compared to the pain that you went through. I wished there was something I could do to help you…then I realized that you had already done the work. The best thing I can do is give you the space you want and be there for you when you need me.
But I want you to know that I would have gone with you if you asked. Anytime, anywhere.
Also, you amaze me.
I’m going to miss seeing you at the coffee shop later.
I miss you already.
X Alonzo
I’d given Nikki summaries of each note, but I didn’t tell her how I felt reading them or how I’d cried after that last one.
She was right—it wasn’t just sex. With each passing day, I came closer to the edge of something so foreign, so seemingly impossible to me.
Alonzo called me every night. We kept our cameras on as we chatted about our day, and when we ran out of words, we propped up our phones and studied and worked together while apart. I found it strangely comforting listening to him flipping the pages of his books and muttering sentences I couldn’t fully catch. When I saw him writing, I asked if he had finished my poem. He’d just laugh and tell me he sucked at rhymes.
The one thing we never talked about was my job offer, and it bugged the hell out of me that he never mentioned it.
“He still hasn’t asked if I accepted the job,” I told Nikki.
“Did you try bringing it up?”
“No.”
“Maybe he doesn’t want to pressure you,” she said. “He already told you how he felt about it, right?”
I nodded.
“There you go. He probably thinks that’s all you want to hear from him. And I feel like he knows how important it is that you get to decide for yourself. If you ask me, that’s so sweet. Plus, those letters? I would have folded like that.” She snapped her fingers.
“Do you think I’m crazy for not taking the offer right away?”
“No. If they gave you a higher offer, then yeah. But I get why you need to think about it.”
“I have a call with Faye tomorrow.” I wanted to see if I could negotiate the package. I doubted they would change it, but the least I could do was ask.
“Good,” Nikki said. “Let me know how it goes.”
“Will do.” When she didn’t say anything else, I went back to work on my laptop.
“I said yes, by the way.”
My head swung up so fast, I got a stitch in my neck. “You said yes to Eric?”
She looked like she was trying to hide her smile. “Who else?”
“Took you long enough.” Grinning, I squeezed her arm. “I’m so happy for both of you—my two favorite people.”
