Page 51 of The Fallacy of True Love
“Everyone expects me to be the good girl. To always follow the rules and do the right thing. Maybe…I don’t know. We were in a new place and I had a few drinks, and I used that as a reason to do something bad.” She raised a hand to her mouth like she was about to bite her fingers—a nervous tic her parents scolded her for. Then she flattened her hand on her thigh. “It was wrong. There’s no excuse for what I did, and I’m so sorry.”
I tried to reconcile her reasons with the situation, but I had to ask the questions that had been eating away at me. “Did I do something wrong? Are you tired of me? Am I not good enough for you? Don’t sugarcoat it, Dani. I would rather hear the truth. All of it.”
“No, Z. I am tired, but not of you. It’s my family that’s making me feel trapped. It was never about you or our relationship.” Leaning forward, she pleaded, “I don’t want to lose you. Please believe me.”
“I don’t want to lose you either, but I can’t just forget what you did.”
“Just—give me another chance. We can work this out.”
I took a deep breath. “You need to know that I kissed someone else.”
She jerked back, her mouth parting. For a minute, she was silent. Then she whispered, “When?”
“When I went to Juana.”
“This time or?—”
I gaped at her. “Of course this time. Shit, Dani.”
“Sorry.” She looked down at her hands. “I didn’t expect that.”
“Neither did I. I wasn’t looking for revenge. It just happened, and I’m torn between feeling guilty and reminding myself you did it first.” The truth poured out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
Dani looked off in the distance. Sighing, she murmured, “I guess I can’t blame you. But maybe this is our chance to start over.”
“I don’t think it works that way.”
She met my eyes resolutely. “It can if we want it to. It was one time. We’ve been together for four years. Don’t we deserve to give ourselves a second chance?”
“I wish it were that simple. But I can’t erase the image of you with Aaron from my head. He’s not some random stranger you’ll never see again. You work with him. Even if you didn’t, there will always be another family gathering where you’ll have to hang out with him.” I shook my head. “After what happened, I’ll just get paranoid about who you’re with. I don’t want to be that guy. We’ll end up hating each other.”
Her chin quivered. “So, what? You’re breaking up with me?”
The confusion in her eyes, like she couldn’t comprehend a scenario where I wouldn’t fall in line with what she wanted, almost had me backtracking. But I couldn’t stomach the thought of being with someone I couldn’t trust. Not when I’d seen what healthy relationships looked like. “I think it would be best. That would give you the freedom to explore other options, and I can focus on school.”
“I don’t need to explore,” she cried out. “I already chose you.”
Something seemed to snap within me. “You cheated on me, Dani. You can’t say you chose me when you also chose to sleep with Aaron.”
“You kissed another girl!”
Her words only sealed my decision. The trust we used to have in each other was gone, replaced by doubt. “This is exactly why we can’t be together.”
She stared at me.
“You said you wanted to try something new. To be someone else,” I said softly. “This is your chance to do everything you want without me holding you back. I could never keep up with you anyway.”
“You’re giving up on us, just like that?”
“I don’t know how to move past this.”
Her shoulders drew up, and her words came out sharper. “I’m not going to beg, Z. If you say it’s over, that’s it. There’s no going back.”
After what she did, there was never going to be a way back, even if I’d initially struggled to accept it.
“It’s over, Dani.”
Pursing her lips, she nodded. Then she stood and said, “You can take me home now.”
