Page 138 of The Fallacy of True Love
I opened my mouth to argue. Then I rethought my words. “Can I be honest?”
He nodded.
“I never thought you wanted to hear about those things. Whenever you talk to me, it’s about school or work. If I mention anything else, you bring the discussion back to what my priorities should be.”
“I’m just concerned about you and your future. This—being a lawyer—it’s what you’ve wanted since you were a kid.”
“You don’t have to remind me—I know. I get that you’re concerned about my studies.” I kept my voice level despite the frustration that reared up inside me. “So am I, but there’s more to me than my grades. You support my goals, but I wish you supported me as a person too. I don’t want my whole life to revolve around this career that I’m chasing. I want to have a life.”
The microwave beeped, the sound louder in the silence.
The lines on his forehead deepened, and I anticipated further arguments. Him issuing threats about following his rules while I lived under his roof.
The microwave beeped again, and I turned it off. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Dani and that I often go through Mama. I’m used to talking to her about those things.” And I trust her to understand where I’m coming from, I held off from saying.
Sighing, Papa glanced away. “She said you’re planning to go to La Union tomorrow.”
“I am.” My body locked in anticipation of him forbidding me from leaving.
“Do you want to use the car?”
“What?”
His eyes moved back to me. The look in them made him seem resigned. “Do you want to bring the car to La Union?”
“I was planning to take the bus. I can study and sleep there,” I answered, wondering if I was in the twilight zone. Was he actually conceding the argument?
“Kuya Lito can drive for you. I’ll check with Jason.”
“It’s okay—I’m used to the bus and I don’t want to ask for more favors from Jason.”
Papa’s shoulders sank. Suddenly, he looked older—frailer, somehow. “He’s done a lot for our family. More than I could have.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“But it’s the truth.” He rubbed a hand over his mouth. “It’s humbling to have another person provide for my family better than I have.”
His admission silenced me. Never had I heard him acknowledge anything even close to weakness. He always acted the tough, no-nonsense dad, upholding the stereotype that men—particularly the heads of a household—were always right. That they weren’t allowed to be weak or to need help.
For him to display vulnerability was completely out of pocket, and I didn’t want to dismiss that. We had our disagreements, but here he was, trying.
I spoke carefully. “You’ve provided for us for a long time. You and Mama. Also, Jason’s not just any person—he’s your future son-in-law.”
“I know,” he murmured, his eyes shadowed. He cleared his throat. “Your mama warned me that I would ruin my relationship with you kids by being too set in my ways.”
“We don’t need you to change your ways necessarily. We just want you to give us the space to find our own,” I said.
He seemed to ponder my words. After a moment’s pause, he dipped his head and turned to leave. Then he glanced back at me. “This will always be your home. Mama and I would be happy for you to live here as long as you want.”
I felt a prickle in my nose. “Thank you, Papa,” I said, my voice coming out rough.
He gave me another nod before excusing himself.
After Dani knocked my world off its axis, I thought nothing could surprise me more. Then Maya came along, forcing me to rethink everything I’d known. Now, here was my dad talking to me like I was more than just an extension of his genes and the fulfillment of his dreams.
Even though he could be strict and forbidding, I always knew that he loved me. Mama expressed her love in words and affectionate touches, whereas Papa did so by being a provider and a protector. One wasn’t better than the other—it was just another way my parents complemented each other.
As I brought my food to my room, I remembered Mama telling me how Papa was struggling with the fact that we kids had grown up without him. I was glad I’d told him about my need for independence, but at the same time, I realized I needed to be more patient with him too.
