Page 2 of Too Old for This
“Is Plum your given name?” I ask.
“Yes.”
“Fascinating.” Fill the teapot, put it on the stove, set out two cups with saucers and spoons. My standard guest etiquette. “How did you find me?”
“Public records.”
It couldn’t have been that easy. If it were, someone else would’ve found me by now.
“Go ahead, then,” I say. “Say what you came here to say.”
“I’m making a docuseries—”
“Earl Grey or peppermint?”
“You don’t have to…” Plum stops, realizing this is not a negotiation. “Earl Grey would be great.”
“That’s my favorite, too.”
“As I was saying, Reboot Productions specializes in telling the story behind the story. Here, let me show you the site.” She pulls out her phone and jumps out of her seat, shoving the screen in front of my face.
“Looks nice.”
“What I like to do is really dig into a story. I investigate—”
“So you’re a reporter.”
“No, I’m the producer. I own the company.” Plum smiles. She is quite proud of this. I’m sure it is a tremendous accomplishment, but I would be happier if she stopped hounding me.
“Congratulations.”
The teapot whistles. I pour boiling water into our cups.
“Thank you. But I’m more interested in talking about you, not me.”
Here it is. I may be seventy-five years old, but I know a sales pitch when I hear one. It hasn’t been that long since I bought my last car, and Plum reminds me a little of the car salesman. Not a compliment.
I set the tray of tea and sugar and milk and spoons down on the table.
“You really didn’t have to go to this much trouble,” Plum says.
“I think I have some cookies as well.”
“You don’t have to—”
“It’s no trouble. No trouble at all.”
She puts a dollop of cream in her tea, ignores the sugar, and stirs it before removing the tea bag. Now the string is all wound up in the stem of the spoon. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch her try to discreetly untangle it.
We all have different skills, I suppose.
“Mrs.Jones, I think—”
“Please. Call me Lottie.”
“Lottie, okay. Well, Lottie, you’ve had one of the most fascinating lives I’ve come across. Lots of people would love to hear your side of the story.”
I sit down and stir my own tea, not adding sugar or milk. Both are bad, according to my doctor.
