Page 60 of Sworn to My Heart
“Luca,don’t listen to your father’s nonsense. Only when you find your weakness will you discover how much strength you have. Always keep the people you love close to you. Don’t let our bloody world control you like it controls your father. You deserve better.”
I remember the day she came to put me to bed after my father gave me a whole lecture about becoming the capo in the future and how there’s no place for weakness.
After all these fucking years, you’re sending me a sign now, Mom? And with Alin?
I sit up, my gaze turning to the closed door of the room as the sound of wheels rolling on the floor from the guest room reaches my ears. Reality hits me again–she’s really leaving.
I take another look at the locket and run my hands through my hair in frustration.
“Fuck it!” I curse under my breath as I stride toward the door, putting the necklace around my neck. Mom, you’d better be right.
Alin
My suitcase is packed. I look around my room, which will soon revert back to being the guest room, and another tear rolls down my cheek. A few hours ago, I was in the best mood I’ve been in all year after my swim, and now I’m dragging my suitcase out of the room I thought had become my permanent home.
As I reach the staircase and lift my suitcase, I suddenly hear rapid footsteps behind me.Luca. I can’t deal with this anymore. How much more will he torture me? I run with my suitcase, fleeing the apartment before he can catch up to me. I press the elevator button repeatedly, as if that will make it arrive faster.
When the elevator finally dings, I rush inside, not even waiting for the doors to fully open. I wipe away the last escaping tears and head outside to the waiting taxi I called earlier. I place the suitcase on the back seat beside me, and the driver sets off. I’m out of this mad house.
The chill from the air conditioner on this hot day is nothing compared to the cold enveloping my heart. I knew it was too good to be true. He gave up on me, gave up on us. I managed to handle his secret, but mine consumed us both. It seems like he tried to face the reality but ultimately gave in, realizing he had no place for me, a monster, in his life.
Another warm tear escapes, and my chest tightens with theurge to cry, but I fight it. I can’t break down; I must stay strong. I need to escape New York.
Where will I go? Where is there left for me to go? I ponder throughout the ride, trying to distract myself with thoughts of moving to another state, anything to avoid thinking about Luca.
Staring out at the buildings and the bustling city through the window, the emptiness in my chest grows, and the realization slowly dawns on me: I don’t belong here and I never will. I’ll hide until I find a way to escape the marriage obligation and return home, if there’s anything left of it when I get back.
“Ma’am, we’re here. That’ll be $10,” the taxi driver’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. I quickly take out a $20 bill from my wallet, open the door, and hand it to him. “Keep the change,” I say dryly, pulling my suitcase out and slamming the car door shut.
I look up at my apartment building, which I haven’t visited in a while, and feel on the verge of collapse. “I’m alone,” I whisper to the air, trying to remind myself why I need to stay strong. I won’t cry again.
I enter my apartment and the first thing I do is open my laptop as I sit on the edge of the couch. My mother used to explore the beaches of Miami a lot in her youth. She often told me about her experiences there before she married my father.
She would occasionally escape to the shore, enjoying the human food and atmosphere, and then quickly return to the sea before her parents found out. After she turned 18, her feet—or rather, her fins—never swam outside the ocean again, but Miami was definitely among the experiences she never skipped in her stories when she was alone with me. I brush my hand on my necklace, remembering my mom even saved a woman’s life back then. I miss you, Mom.
Maybe Miami isn’t such a bad idea after all. I’ll keep a lowprofile and avoid getting attached to anyone. I’ve decided—I’m moving there, and quickly. I go to my closet, place the box of sea treasures I trade in into my suitcase, the last valuable thing I have in the apartment. I leave a small envelope with the last month’s rent and a note of apology for the landlords. The elderly couple who own the apartment agreed to rent it to me monthly in cash, without deposits or references. They were so kind to me; I can’t leave without an explanation.
Now I’m ready. It’s time to say goodbye to New York and hello to Miami. A deep breath that felt held for too long is released, and I head downstairs. I’m ready to get used to this feeling of emptiness if it means avoiding unnecessary emotional pain and ensuring my safety.
I hail another taxi, slumping into the back seat after placing my suitcase beside me, giving one last look at the apartment that was my refuge for the past year, filled with many memories.
Just as my eyes detach from the path leading to my building, I spot a familiar black SUV across the street. Did Luca send Abert to follow me? For a moment, I want to get out and check, but I stop myself. Don’t fall for it again, Alin.
“Hurry to the airport, please,” I urge the driver, leaning back and staring at the car’s ceiling. Luca gave up on us; he made that painfully clear. Staying here any longer leaves me at risk of exposure, and my parents will find me again, and this time, I’ll be alone.
The separation burns in my chest, refusing to let go. How did I let myself get swept away by the tsunami he brought with him? I’m not the kind of girl you can play with. Even this family of madmen and killers couldn’t handle the truth. What hope do I have left?
Why am I still thinking about him? He’s the one who threw me out of his life. I look back again, but Abert is no longer there.Maybe Luca really did just want to ensure I was leaving.
Now isn’t the time to cry. It’s time to take a deep breath and think about how I’m going to start over with a new identity. I close my eyes for the rest of the drive, trying to imagine a life without Luca, but I can’t. I’ll have to make it work, no matter what. My eyes close, and I drift into a deep sleep.
“We’re here,” an unfamiliar voice startles me awake, taking me a few seconds to remember I’m in a taxi. It feels like reality has kicked me in the gut again as I unload my suitcase and enter the airport.
The airport is bustling, and I weave my way through the luggages and people to the ticket counter. I buy a one-way ticket to Miami, pay in cash, and am relieved to find out the next flight is in just two hours.
I get a bit lost among the counters, and a young employee approaches to offer help. He guides me to the check-in kiosk and explains what to do, realizing it’s my first flight.
If I weren’t worried my parents might track me, I would’ve just sent my suitcase and swam there. Flying is very complicated; I definitely understand why I never tried it before.
