Page 86 of Only This Once
He kept up what he hoped were soothing strokes. Her tension seeped away as she relaxed into him fully. He thought about asking her if someone at the hospital had said something, but he didn’t want her to have to think about it if she wasn’t already.
Having her so near him felt good, even if she was feeling off. He liked her happiest best, of course, but he’d take Julia any way he could get her. Ever since their hiking date, he’d been curbing how often he told her he loved her, but the temptation was hard to resist that night. He didn’t want her to feel obligated to say it back or make her uncomfortable for not saying it, so he’d been swallowing the words as much as he could. He was pretty sure he still said them while they had sex, but he always lost it so completely it was difficult to remember.
They usually had sex whenever he stayed over, which had been more often than he’d slept at Charles’s house ever since they’d made things official. He was being greedy about their time together, but she didn’t seem to mind and initiated being together as often as he did.
Not that he expected them to have sex that night, not with her feeling off. When she shifted, nuzzling the crotch of his jeans, he jumped, nearly tumbling her off the couch. His hands clutched at her to keep her from falling, and she brushed her nose along the line of his dick, which was already waking up.
He should have expected it. Even though his thoughts were more on comforting her than sex, his dick was driven by touch. He hadn’t felt shame much at all recently, but it curled in his stomach when her mouth found the tip of him through his jeans, mouthing it and making him grow harder.
“Jules?” His voice sounded like a desperate gasp already.
She hummed in her throat as her saliva wet the front of his jeans.
“What are you doing?” The question was ridiculous, but his head spun from the way she caressed him.
“Sometimes fucking helps.” Her hand joined her mouth, stroking along the line of his bulge and making his eyes roll back. “Do you want to be my fuck doll tonight? To let me do what I want to you?”
His hips tried to kick up even as his brain seemed to have taken a hike. “W-What?” he stammered out.
She froze, leaving his now throbbing erection alone to push up to her knees to study him. “Shit, I’m sorry. That probably freaked you out.” Her hand rested on his button-down shirt, stroking his chest. “I’ll stop. I shouldn’t be trying to use you to make myself feel better.”
The stress lines were back on her face. His thumb tried to stroke them away. “Sex helps?”
She shrugged. “Sometimes. Endorphins and all that. It’s not the healthiest coping mechanism, but it works.” Her lips twisted in a self-deprecating smirk. “I used to fuck whoever was easiest to pick up at the bar on these types of nights. That’s how I ended up with that professor. I wasn’t even seeing him that night.” She shook her head. “I guess I really am a bit of a slut.”
“Don’t say that. You’re not.”
Her eyes fell to her knees. “I shouldn’t be trying to use you, though, Jinx. Not you. So you’d better go.”
The swirling in his stomach steadied, and his other hand came up to cradle her face between his hands, keeping her there when she would have scrambled away. “I love you. This side of you, the protective best friend side, the hard worker who tries to get everything right. I love every part of you, Julia, and of course I want to have sex with you.” The words soothed away the last of his shame, and he smiled when her eyes rose to meet his. “I was the one worried about taking advantage of you while you were feeling like this. If you want me to be your fuck doll, I’m on board.” The ache in his dick suddenly felt like a blessing. “But don’t be surprised if I become a babbling mess like usual.”
She smiled, though there was something wicked in the tilt of her lips. “You promise?” Her hand tightened on his shirt to pull him up with her when she rose from the couch. “Let’s get closer to the condoms.”
He followed her to the bedroom, obeying her order to strip. He still wasn’t sexy at it, but he enjoyed the way she looked at his body, like she craved him. The thought made him breathless. He tried to leave his boxers on, but she made an unhappy noise in her throat, pointing at them.
“All the way,” she ordered. That was what it was, an order, and he was helpless not to follow it, dragging them down until they were around his feet and he could kick them away.
“Mmm,” she hummed in her throat. “Now get on the bed.”
He settled on his back like she encouraged, watching her take out a condom and the lube. She tossed them on the bed to free her hands to remove her own clothes. His mind spun at how quickly they’d both gotten naked.
Julia was gorgeous. Her breasts were soft curves, with her nipples already pinched and erect. She wasn’t shy about her body at all, not hiding anything from him as her legs parted while she crawled on the bed toward him.
Her tongue drew across her bottom lip, making him want it on his body, and his breath grew ragged. She no longer looked hollow-eyed, not while she was staring at his dick.
“Always so pretty,” she murmured. “Touch it for me. Stroke it until you’re desperate to come inside me.”
Jesse hesitated. He used to masturbate as a teenager all the time, up until the point when he no longer trusted his body. He was with Julia, though, and she was looking at him like he was the world. Shyness dragged at him, but it wasn’t shame.
Julia lifted his hand from where it rested on the blanket, kissing his palm. Then she moved it between his legs, helping him curve his fingers until he gripped his own dick. When he lightly stroked up to the tip at her urging, tingles shot everywhere and he grew harder.
“That’s it,” she murmured, her hands moving to his knees, encouraging them to lift and spread apart. His dick looked bigger bracketed like that, and the need that curled inside him grew more urgent.
His hand moved faster. Julia was so close, and she was staring right at his dick like she wanted to consume it, her pupils blown wide, making the emerald color darker than he was used to. He pumped his own dick, feeling nothing but a sharp pleasure as his head fell back against the bed and he stared at the woman he trusted with all his heart.
“Fuck, I want you inside me. This is my dick, isn’t it? I get to have it as much as I want?”
“Yes,” he gasped, a bead of precum shining on his tip. His hand paused as he stared at it, his body shaking at how turned on he’d gotten just from his own hand.
