Page 83 of Only This Once
“Whatever you want, Jules.” He followed her over to the beach, settling down next to her in the same spot they’d kissed the first time. “You know, we could have done anything today. We didn’t have to do this.”
“Did it look like I was having a bad time?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
Jinx leaned back on his hands, his finger trailing in the sand close to hers, close enough that their pinkies would brush if she shifted just a little. “Well, there was the fly.”
“That wasn’t a fly. That was a buzzing giant with teeth, I’m sure of it.” She really did hate bugs. It was like they knew and chose her to aggravate.
He grinned at her, that boyish grin she’d seen so infrequently lately, and it sent swirling sensations into her stomach. She shifted her hand that inch so their pinkies touched.
“I thought we should talk,” she admitted, wincing at how that sounded. “We were able to do that pretty well the last time we were out here.”
Jinx’s smile dimmed. “I’m sorry I dumped my feelings on you last week and ran away.” He winced, sitting up straight, which pulled his hand away from hers. “I’m not sorry I said it, but I could have timed it better. I kind of put you on the spot.”
She couldn’t disagree since she’d been left struggling for words at the time.
“I’m okay with things as they are.” His hands clenched on each other in his lap. “But I understand if you don’t want to have sex anymore.” His voice started racing. “I mean, I would, if you wanted, but it was only supposed to be a one-time thing, and you already broke that rule, and now that you know I like you and everything, it’ll probably be—”
Julia put her hand over his mouth. “Whoa. You’re getting way ahead of me.” His soft lips against her palm made her skin tingle. “I’m not mad or anything.” She slowly pulled her hand away when his shoulders straightened from their curled position. “The opposite, actually. I appreciate you telling me.” Her lips twitched. “Well, telling me again. Mid-orgasm didn’t count.”
The peeking sun highlighted the color that flooded his cheeks. “I still don’t remember doing that. I was—I mean, that time with you was—” He groaned, leaning his head back. The flush spread down into his neck. “I’m messing this all up.”
He really had one of the most sinful arched necks. She wanted to lick it but pushed away the distracting thought. “You’re not messing anything up. A part of me was happy to hear you loved me,” she admitted.
She’d never heard those words before, not from a guy, not outside of sex. Guys didn’t love her, they enjoyed fucking her.
“Really?” His lips spread. “You were happy? Even just a little?”
She nodded. “But the rest of me was terrified. I don’t want to hurt you, Jinx. That was never my intention, and I feel kind of bad now.”
“Don’t feel bad!” He straightened with a jerk, leaning toward her. “You didn’t lead me on or anything.”
“Not yet.” She bit her lip, turning her body more toward him as her heart sped up. “That’s what I wanted to talk about. I calledthis a date because, well, what if we were to? Date for real, I mean.”
Jinx blinked. The rest of his body grew still.
“What we have has never been as casual as everything else I’ve done. I like being around you.” She wanted to squirm when he continued to stare at her. “I enjoy spending time with you. Fucking, yes, but doing other things, too. The museum was awesome, dinner together, hiking like this, all of it. I care about you, Jinx, and worry about you, and only want the best for you. It—” She swallowed, the butterflies in her stomach—or maybe they were angry moths—causing havoc, but she wasn’t sure it was a bad havoc. “It might be more than friends. I’m not sure. I can’t give you the words right now.” She searched his eyes, the blue of them her favorite color in the world, even more than black. “If we agree to date and explore things, would that only hurt you worse in the long run if things don’t work out?”
His mouth opened and closed a few times, but no sound came out. Then he lunged for her, almost knocking her over with his exuberant hug. “Of course not! Yes! A thousand percent yes to dating. Let’s do it!”
She snorted, letting his weight take them to the sand and wrapping her arms around him in return. “We kind of already have been dating, haven’t we? This is just labeling things.” Her hands paused mid-stroke along his back. “Wait, weren’t you not ready to date?”
“No, I only wanted to dateyou.” He raised his head, his eyes so bright as he gazed down at her. “It’s always been you for me, Julia.”
Dread seeped inside her chest. She licked her lips nervously. “You heard me, though, right? I’m not saying I love you. This is a test run.”
He pushed himself up, his giddy grin turning into something more serious. “I’ll never turn down spending more time withyou. I want to do it. Being with you, as a friend, as a casual hookup, or as a b-boyfriend—” He stumbled over that word, swallowing to try again. “I want whatever you’ll give me. Can’t you tell how happy I am?”
He wasn’t smiling like before, though. No, he looked so serious. He moved his hand up to her face, his thumb trailing over her cheek, leaving a few grains of sand behind. The gesture made her pulse flutter.
“I love you, Julia, just as you are. Explore, test, take all the time in the world. If you ever say the words to me, I want you to be sure you mean them. That’s all I ask.” His face softened, the smile that spread gentle and pure. It was a smile she’d never imagined. “I really do love you.”
Heat spread through her body, and her hands slid up his back, pulling him toward her. “Then kiss me.”
His pupils dilated and his gaze dropped to her lips. He followed her urging, lying over her more fully as his lips met hers, brushing in the softest caress. The light, barely there feeling made her tingle more. She let him set the pace, enjoying the slowly increasing firmness of the kiss.
A strange cracking sound above them made her eyes fly open, and she rolled him. Her body was over his, then he was over her again, and they ended up with her on top of him, far enough away for the broken branch to land where they had been.
She lifted her head to glare at the branch. “Seriously? Even the trees are out to get you?” Her heart pounded with adrenaline, but Jinx looked calm as usual. He hadn’t even glanced at the branch. His eyes were full of her. “Something might really happen to you someday, Jinx.” Dread rose inside, blanketing over the butterflies, trying to suffocate them. “I couldn’t handle that.”
