Page 32 of Only This Once
Julia was surprised by how disappointed she felt. It wasn’t like men hadn’t said no to her before. That just made room for her to find the next one.
Maybe she’d hunt for one who blushed just as prettily when she went out to pick someone up. It wasn’t likely to scratch the itch, though. They wouldn’t be Jinx.
She’d never had a thought like that before. Him turning her down might be for the best.
She curled her legs beneath her, the material of her silky, black lounge pants sliding along her skin as she leaned into the opposite corner of the couch to give him the space he seemed to need.
“It’s okay,” she murmured. Even her lowered voice made him tense up. “If your answer is ‘no, thanks,’ I can take it. I won’t push you.”
He licked his lips, his hands clenching in his lap. “Why do you think it’s a no?”
Her eyebrow lifted. “Am I wrong?”
He swallowed, staring down at his hands. “Phoebe came to talk to me.”
“Ah.” Julia’s finger slid over her knee. She hadn’t yet accepted the apology left on her voicemail. It had sounded strained andgrudging. Phoebe apologized to smooth things over, not because she thought she’d said anything wrong. It was more of an ‘I’m sorry you’re upset’ type of apology.
“I’m not surprised she showed up. I texted you to let you know I’d told her.”
“No, I know. I expected you to tell her.” Jinx’s eyes lifted to hers. “You’re not one to shy away from confrontation.”
She snorted. She’d avoided multiple calls lately. “I told her so you wouldn’t have to. If we do this, I don’t want you to be ashamed of it.”
Jinx looked away, no longer meeting her eyes.
Julia’s chest squeezed tighter. “That’s why you don’t want to do it, isn’t it? She’s convinced you I’m the big, bad wolf.”
His eyes widened as they flew back to meet hers. “No. That’s not it.”
“It’s something, though.” Julia continued to study him, noting his renewed flush. “I’m sexual, Jinx. I have experience, and I’m not ashamed of it. Honestly, my body count is why I think this would work for you.”
“It’s not about numbers, though I don’t want to know the exact count. I’m nervous enough already.”
“Nervous, are you?” She turned her body more toward him. “So you’ve been thinking about it?”
“It’s all I think about. Being with you, it would be…” He shook his head, a curl flopping over his eye. “I don’t even know, but I wouldn’t be ashamed.” His eyes locked on hers. “I’d never be ashamed of you, Jules.”
She shifted her knees under her and braced her hands on the cushions to lean closer to him. “What’s holding you back, then?”
“I read the articles you sent, and I talked to the doctor, but I—” He swallowed, his blue eyes so gentle and filled with worry. “I’m still not sure. The risk is low, but it’s not zero.”
“Pretty damn close, as long as you’re not having an outbreak.”
His shoulders hunched. “I never want to be responsible for hurting you.”
“This isn’t on you. Your only responsibility is to let your partner know. They get to decide from there. I want to be with you, Jinx.” Her thin cotton shirt clung to her as she drew even closer.
His eyes closed, and his breath shuddered out. “I really want to be with you, too.”
Her skin felt almost too sensitized from his words. “Fuck, I love hearing that,” she murmured. With his body angled in the corner, she was hovering partially over his thighs, her hand moving across his body to rest near his hip. “But we’re clear on this, right? This is just physical, and only this once.”
His eyes slowly opened, widening when he realized how close she was. His gaze moved down to her mouth, and he swallowed as he nodded. “I know what this is. I understand you don’t want to date me.”
She shook her head. “Not you, Jinx. I don’t date.” She bit her lip. “I’ve only wanted someone more than one time once before, and it burned me, even if it was casual. Besides, we’re friends. Too much of the physical too often, and that might change.”
“Even with one time, I’ll remember it forever.” His hand came up, hovering near her cheek before cupping it.
Her chest squeezed, and her throat tightened. “Jinx, that’s not—” She swallowed, tilting her head into his hand. “Is it going to be too much? Tell me if doing this is going to hurt you. Like you said, I never want to be the one to hurt you.”
