Page 78 of Only This Once
“How was the sex?” Heather asked, rising from the table to grab the wine bottle from the counter.
Julia flushed. “It was good.”
“If you went back for seconds, it was better than good, wasn’t it?” Heather poured herself another glass.
Julia had been thinking about it. A lot. Dreaming about the sounds he made, too. “I enjoyed it. He did, too.”
Rachel accepted the wine bottle from their sister. “Would you want to keep doing it?”
Julia pressed her thighs together again. “Yeah,” she admitted, her heartbeat louder than her voice. “I mean, if I was sure it wouldn’t hurt him, yes, I’d want to keep doing it.”
Maria sat up straighter in her seat, waving away the offer of wine. “It sounds like youlikelike him to me.”
Julia stared back at her. There was something about the wide smile on her sister’s face that made her antsy. “I like him as a friend.”
“A friend you want to continue banging, enjoy hanging out with, and think about all the time, right?” Maria asked.
Rachel snorted. “Oh, yeah. She totally likes him.”
Julia’s heart continued to thud too hard. “I told you. I don’t feel that way about people. It’s always just casual.”
“You mean you didn’t feel that way and it always used to be casual.” Rachel looked annoyingly smug. She took another sip of wine. “Face it, Jules. You like your first boy.”
She felt way too warm under her sisters’ gazes. “I’m not in love with him.”
Maria’s smile fell a little.
Rachel rolled her eyes. “You didn’t even realize you liked him a second ago. Would you really know?” Her smug expression faded, too. “I lied to myself about how I felt about my husband for years. Why can’t you be oblivious, too, even if it’s in the opposite way?”
Julia pressed a hand to her chest, hating the way it had begun to ache. “I feel like I would know.”
“Well, what did you say to him when he told you he loved you?” Heather asked, twirling the stem of her wineglass.
“That I wasn’t sure what to say.” Julia still didn’t know what the right reaction would have been.
Rachel paused with her wineglass halfway to her lips again. “You didn’t bluntly tell him you weren’t in love with him?”
Confusion swirled inside her. “I thought he already knew. Are you saying I led him on?” She hated that idea. Her sisters were already voicing denials, but she wasn’t reassured. Hurting Jinx was the last thing she wanted to do. He should never be hurt. He deserved all the best things in the world.
Which didn’t include her, not when she would stomp all over his heart. “Oh God, I’m really going to hurt him, aren’t I?” Her hands covered her face as panic filtered in. She’d only wanted to help him.
“Why do you say that?” Heather asked.
Rachel let out a loud sigh. “Have you ever worried about hurting anyone before? You’ve turned down a lot of your one-night stands wanting more, haven’t you? I remember that one guy who you said clung to you and cried. You didn’t feel bad about that.”
Julia let her hands drop. “I felt a little bad.” She hadn’t realized she’d been his first, and his confession of love had surprised her. She’d tried to be careful and clear but had awkwardly patted his shoulder while he cried. That was before the night when she’d comforted Jinx after the party. It was part of why she’d worried she’d messed it all up. She’d never been good at navigating emotions.
“And would you feel just a little bad about Jinx?” Maria asked. She scooted her chair closer, rubbing her hand along Julia’s back.
Julia let out a breath. “Not a little.” Being the one to make him cry would gouge a hole in her gut that could never be filled. “I hate this. I didn’t want to hurt him.”
“Because you care about him.” Maria continued her slow rubbing. “You care about his feelings over your own, you want to be around him, and sex with him is good enough that you broke your own rules.” She smiled again, though it wasn’t as bright asshe usually did. “Honestly? I think heisyour something good again this week.”
“We’re not allowed to use the same thing two months in a row,” Julia mumbled.
“I think she should date him for real,” Rachel said.
Julia stared at her.
