Page 41 of Only This Once
Charles patted his arm again. “You’ve always liked Julia. As more than a friend.”
Jesse wanted to squirm. “Yeah,” he said again. He looked away. “I mean, my crush was pretty obvious.” Even Julia must have known, though she’d been kind enough never to tease him about it.
Charles snorted. “Yeah, everyone knew. I understood it. Julia has been there for you, and she’s always nice to you. Plus, she pays attention and thinks about others. She’s also confident and strong, though she’s more emotional than she lets on.”
Jesse pushed up on his elbows. “Wait. Do you like her?”
Charles’s eyes went wide, and then he laughed. “No, not like that. I admire her, but I watched her grow up, so I’ve never seen her that way.” His smile softened. “But for you, physically you’re into her, right?”
His cheeks heated. “Do we have to talk about this?”
Charles grinned and ruffled his hair. “God, you’re so shy! It’s not like I said you wanted to fuck her.”
“Charles!” Jesse buried his face in his hands.
“Oh, come on.” His brother nudged his shoulder with his own. “If you don’t talk to me about sex, who are you going to talk to? Mom?”
Jesse cringed. He knew his mother hadn’t been completely celibate since his dad died, but he preferred not to think about her having sex. Charles was the one he talked to about guy things anyway.
He sat up, taking a breath. “Jules is a lot more experienced than me.”
“Yeah.” Charles settled next to him. “I mean, she’s pretty open about her sexuality, even before the recent drama. Does that bother you?”
“No. She’s offered to coach me. As a one-time thing. Not romantic, a friends with benefits thing.” His stomach twisted saying it.
“And you’re okay with that?” Charles sounded skeptical. “You love her. Casual won’t hurt you?”
“That’s not what’s holding me back. I’d rather be with her than never be with her. If things were different, anyway.”
“You’re worried about the STI?” Charles asked. “You told her, right?”
“Yeah. It wouldn’t have been right not to.”
“And she still wants to?”
“How’d you know?”
Charles snorted. “We wouldn’t be having this conversation if she backed out. So what’s the problem?”
“It’s not right, is it? I mean, she says she’s okay with the risk, but if I were to infect her, I’d—” The words locked in his throat. He wouldn’t be okay. He’d probably hate himself forever.
Charles sat up straighter, his hands resting on his thighs. If he hadn’t been shirtless, he’d be in doctor mode. “You’re still taking the pills, right? The ones that minimize the outbreaks?”
He’d had a lot of outbreaks for a while, and the pills stopped that. “Yeah. And she said she always uses condoms anyway.” He didn’t have any condoms, but he could buy some. It wasn’t like he was going over there to have sex with her right now. He hadn’t even managed to go through with it last night.
“As long as you’re not having an outbreak, those two things keep the risks very low,” Charles said gently. “I think you’re using the STI as an excuse.”
Jesse bit his lip. “I’m scared.” The words came out like a choked whisper. He really was pathetic.
Charles’s hand came up and began rubbing his back. “If you’re not ready, that’s fine, too. You’ve never wanted to talk about what happened, but you can talk to me. You know that, right? OrI can help you reach out to a counselor again.” His hand paused, then resumed the calming rubs. “You have to work through this on your own time frame. If now isn’t it, tell her.”
Jesse nearly smiled. “You sound like Jules. She’s big on consent. She’s made it clear that every step is my choice.” The night before, she’d stopped with no hesitation and then lectured him about feeling guilty. It had just made him fall for her more.
“Then you’ve talked to her about this?”
“Yeah,” Jesse mumbled.
“That’s good. Honestly, she sounds great for you, whenever you’re ready. She doesn’t date seriously, so it’s likely you’ll still have a shot with her if you decide to wait.”
