Page 24 of Only This Once
“That’s never bothered me. It’s sort of cute.” She waved her hand toward the bank. “Good thing we took off our shoes,though. I’d hate to squelch the whole hike back. If we lie in the sun for a bit, we should dry soon enough.”
He followed her to the beach and past their shoes to sit on a patch of grass instead of the sand. She spread her legs out, her hands supporting her, while he clutched his knees and felt six years old again.
The sun warmed his back and shoulders. He watched the way it glimmered on the water and enjoyed having Julia beside him, despite everything.
Julia cleared her throat. “I’m sorry about my offer. It caught you off guard.”
He opened his mouth to deny it, but she really had shocked him. He’d never expected her to want to be with him, even out of pity.
“We’ve never been that way, and it’d probably get messy. It’s just, you were talking about trust, and I thought about how you trust me, and my mouth moved before I could think it through. My brain moves too fast sometimes, not giving me time to consider all the angles.” She huffed out a breath. “I’m sure Phoebe would be pissed if we had sex. Another thing I hadn’t considered.”
His hands tightened around his knees. He forced himself to release them, stretching his legs out in front of him to mimic her instead. His fingers dug through the grass and into the sand. “Um, Phoebe doesn’t know. You know, about what happened at the party.”
Julia stared at him, and his shoulders hunched.
“I never told her,” he admitted.
“I figured,” Julia said. “You only mentioned your brother, and honestly, if you’d told Feebs, I’d have known already. She’s terrible at keeping a secret.”
“Yeah.” Jesse had figured that out long ago. He loved his sister, but she wasn’t someone he confided in. He hadn’t even told herabout his crush on Julia, though she’d figured that out on her own.
He flushed, risking a glance at the person who had taken up the majority of his romantic thoughts all his life. Her gaze was on him, and he quickly looked away again. Knowing Julia, she already knew he had a crush on her, but she’d never treated him like a pest or anything. No, she kept looking out for him instead.
That was what her offer was all about. She felt sorry for him and wanted to help. He should hate that, but the idea of being with her, for any reason, tantalized him.
No. It couldn’t happen.
“I appreciate you offering to help,” he said, telling himself to stop wishing for the impossible. “You’re a good friend, Jules.”
“Right. We’re friends.” Her voice sounded off, and he risked looking at her again. She was frowning down at her hand, which was close to his, only a blade of grass separating their fingers. Her fingers shifted, nudging against his. “And since it would be your real first time, I doubt you’d want to do a friends with benefits type of thing. I mean, sex would mean a lot to you, wouldn’t it?”
If he were ever with Julia, he wouldn’t want to forget it for the world. A lump caught in his throat and wouldn’t let him answer.
“I’m the casual type. I care for you, Jinx, but I can’t give you that whole loving, romantic thing. It’d be consensual, and it’d be good, but it’d only be sex for me. That’s why it’s a terrible idea. I’d never want to hurt you.” Her eyes locked on his, unflinching.
Having her, but not really having her, would hurt. Would being hurt be worse than not knowing what it was like to be with her and always wondering?
“It wasn’t right for me to offer.” Her brow wrinkled as she continued to think about it. Julia was sitting beside him, their fingers barely touching, and thinking about having sex with him.
His heart thudded hard in his chest, and tingles crawled along his skin, but from how calm she looked, the prospect of having sex with him didn’t excite her. “It’s okay, Jules. I know you don’t want me that way, and you’re right, I don’t want to do this if we’re not both into it. I want my next time to be… mutual.” He looked back at the water.
“Wait. You don’t think I’d be into it?”
He glanced back at her, finding her eyes narrowed as she sat up straighter.
“It’s okay,” he told her again. “You’ve never thought of me that way and today you’re just being nice, to offer what you did.”
She reached out, her fingers sliding along his jaw until she cupped his face, sending tingles everywhere. “I told you before, Jinx. Cute can be sexy. I’m notnotinto you.”
“What?” His lips were back to feeling numb, while the rest of his body was hot. He leaned slightly toward her. “You really think I’m sexy?”
“I’ve always understood why girls are into you,” she said. Her pinky stroked his neck, sending a shiver through him. “We could easily test if this would work. It’s all about chemistry.” Her pinky shifted again, and his breath shuddered out. “Something I’m starting to think we have. Do you want to test it, Jinx? Just a test. We don’t have to make any decisions yet.”
“Julia…” It felt like it’d been forever since he’d said her full name. Every part of him wanted whatever she was offering, even though he wasn’t sure it’d be good for him at all, and it definitely wouldn’t be good for her.
Her eyes crinkled at the corners as her tongue slid along her bottom lip to wet it. “The best test is a kiss. Can I kiss you, Jinx?”
A kiss. There wasn’t any danger in a kiss. “God, yes,” he breathed, watching her move closer. He felt the rumble of her laugh when their lips touched.
