Page 17 of Only This Once
Jesse curled his hands under his legs. “He was married?” Julia must have hated finding that out.
“I never worried about that before. I wasn’t interested in the guys, just the sex, so I didn’t get to know them much. I assumed they were like me, unattached and wanting to get laid. It’s not like they asked me a lot of questions, either.” She shrugged. “This guy started out the same. I picked him up at the bar, we were both interested, and we fucked. Hell, I didn’t even learn his name that first night.”
“You… don’t even know their names?” He couldn’t imagine ever being that casual about sex. It took up such a huge part of his mind, with too many hurdles to overcome before he could say yes.
He had never said yes.
“Hey, don’t judge.”
Jesse’s fingers dug into the seats. “Sorry.”
“I get that it’s not for everyone, but casual works for me. I like the physical parts of sex but have never wanted the emotional part. That always seemed like it’d be messy.” Her head shifted on the headrest again, and she stared out the windshield. “As long as we both came, I considered the evening successful. Not every guy was good, but if they could take direction, we got on fine. With this guy, though…” She hummed in her throat. “I saw stars. He knew how to fuck. So when I saw him at the bar again a week later, I went for round two. And then round three. We weren’t dating, not really, but we became a regular hookup.” She shook her head. “That wasn’t like me, but he made my body feel so good.”
Jesse had hated how his body had felt, like it wasn’t even his. He’d found out that he could be physically turned on even while his mind was screaming no.
“I didn’t want to get to know him outside of fucking. I mean, he told me his name was John, but how many Johns are there? It wasn’t until I ran into him at the hospital that I realized he was Dr. John Rutherford, the most respected surgeon in the medical community here. Hell, he even donates surgeries sometimes. He’s altruistic and brilliant and very happily married, or so everyone said.”
Jesse had already heard of Dr. Rutherford, and he’d only been back in town a few weeks. “If he was cheating, he wasn’t happily married.”
“Well, yeah. I was pissed, and I guess he saw it because he tracked me down right after and pulled me into a closet.” She stared down at her hands. “I’m not proud of myself, but we fucked in there, even before he explained, saying they’d been separated for a while and were finalizing the divorce. He just hadn’t wanted to say anything to his colleagues because he worried it’d affect his reputation.”
Julia paused, glancing his way. “I know, all right? He was lying, and I’m not sure if I even believed him. It wasn’t like I wanted a relationship with him. My body still hummed from how hard I’d come, so I pushed away my misgivings and accepted what he said, but I told him we couldn’t do that again. No sex where we worked. He agreed.”
She grimaced. “We kept hooking up for about a month. I didn’t ask, but he usually mentioned his divorce, continuing to feed me that bullshit. It wasn’t like I was waiting for the paperwork to be signed to have a real relationship. I just enjoyed the sex. I hadn’t realized that fucking could be even better once you knew the other person’s body. His mouth, his hands, even the curve in his dick—”
Jesse made a choked sound, and Julia glanced over.
“Sorry, too much information?”
Jesse tried to get his mind off his own curved dick and back on track. “How were you found out? If you weren’t hooking up at the hospital?”
Her lips twisted. “I outed myself. HR has those yearly code of conduct updates, and while it didn’t prohibit fraternization, it did require disclosure, so I brought it up to him. The next thing I know, a woman is screaming at me about being a homewrecker and slapping me in the hospital hallway.” Her head flinched against the headrest, as if experiencing it all over again. “Quite a few people saw it happen. She had the disclosure form I had printed out that he’d taken to think about, so I’m guessing she found it on him. Hell, for all I know, he gave it to her. The story twisted into me pursuing him at work and forcing a blow job on him in that closet.”
Jesse’s stomach twisted. “Forced?”
Julia snorted. “I’ve yet to come across a guy who said no to one, and he sure as hell hadn’t, but I guess the story caught on. Someone had seen us leave the closet that one time and waited until after the blow up to come forward, so the story had enough of a ring of truth for most of the hospital staff to run with it.”
“They all think you’re to blame?”
“Well, HR talked to both of us, but he’s a big-time surgeon, and I was a recent hire. I got fired, and he got a documented warning.”
“A recent hire?” She was a year older than him, and the math of that threw him off. “Did you work somewhere else before that?”
“I… got a semester behind in college. So, yeah, I’d only been doing the job for a few months when all that shook out. Luckily, your brother took pity on me.”
“It’s not pity. He says you’re the best surgical technician he’s had.”
“I love the job. I’m glad he hired me.” She sighed. “My reputation had already gotten around, and the few job offers I received before his came with sexual innuendos by the interviewer. My reputation got worse after how I handled those.” She snorted. “Some people can be jackasses.”
“I’m still stuck on him barely getting a hand slap. I mean, sure, you slept with a married man, but it wasn’t like he was unwilling.” Jesse’s throat tightened on the word.
“It pisses me off, the forced rumor. I’m all about consent, dammit, but no one wants to think badly of Dr. Rutherford. The last I heard, he’s still happily married.” Julia closed her eyes. “I feel sorry for his wife, but at least she’s getting fucked well. That man knew a lot of tricks, so I doubt I was his first sidepiece.” Her nose wrinkled. “I hate that. I’ve never felt guilty about sex before, and it’s fucking with me a bit.”
Jesse had his own misgivings about sex, but it was based on shame, not guilt. “It wasn’t your fault,” he said.
“I own my part. I should have broken things off after I realized who he was. Better yet, if I got to know my sex partners a little better, I would have caught the signs.” She shrugged. “It sucks that those at the hospital know so much about my sex life now, but I don’t feel like I need to hide it, either. That’s the thing.” She turned her head toward him. “If you hang out with me, they’ll assume we’re fucking.”
Jesse flushed, managing to untie his tongue. “Well, I’m not married, so at least there’s that.”
