Page 68 of In the Long Run
Gingerly, I step between his legs, twisting one way and then the other, trying to find the best way to do this.I’ve thought about scaling Mount Knox many times but never like this.Not with an audience who assume we’re long past this level of intimacy.
‘Gen.’Knox laughs and pulls me down on his lap.He’s so solid underneath me.One hand lands possessively on my hip, rubbing the side of my fleece-lined leggings.Any shivers that occur are because it’s cold, okay?
‘This all right?’His words tickle my neck and I squirm, unable to stop myself from moving as the blood rushing through my veins heats and thickens.‘Easy,’ he breathes against my skin asthingstouch.
My eyes widen as he shifts.‘Sorry.’
‘Everyone ready to order?’A server stops at the table, pen poised over her notepad.Luckily she starts at the other end of the table and Annabeth passes me a menu.Knox’s chin settles on my shoulder as he reads it as well.
‘What are you going to have?’I ask, congratulating myself for managing to speak when all my senses are overwhelmed.His chest presses against my back, and his hand has shifted from gripping my hip to making long, slow passes of my ITB, his knucklesdigging into the tired tendon.If this continues, I won’t be able to run tomorrow because I’ll be a puddle of goo.
‘Can never go wrong with a burger.’
The burgers are the perfect mix of smoky cheese, chipotle mayonnaise and peppery tomato relish.And I’m a firm believer that any meal is improved with hot chips, especially when they come with aioli.
Conversation is easy.Not just with Knox but the rest of the table.We hear all the Army guys’ dating war stories, which leads into Anneke recapping her last disastrous Tinder date with a man who said he was in his late thirties but was clearly pushing fifty.
‘I could’ve been into it,’ she muses, waving a chip in the air like she’s the conductor of some imaginary orchestra, ‘if his toupée hadn’t fallen off when he went down on me.His head was so shiny.Ruined everything.’
Knox shakes with laughter underneath me.‘Poor bastard,’ he murmurs so only I can hear it.
‘I’ve got a better story,’ Violet declares.‘One time, long ago, I went out with this guy who had a dog.And he thought it was fine to …you knowin front of the dog.’
‘Gross,’ Annabeth says.
‘He always put the dog outside when I’d ask.The sex was okay.But one night we got home after a party and the dog wouldn’t leave us alone.And I realised it was because it was trying to lick his ass.’
The whole table dissolves into laughter.‘Needless to say, I didn’t marry him.And I found out later that he was cheating on me with someone from his work anyway.’
Everything around me cools.That’s the thing about carrying a secret shame with you.Just when you think you’ve moved on, it slaps you in the face.
‘What about you, Gen?Got any tragic stories from your time before you met Knox?’Violet asks.
‘Um, not really,’ I stammer, sure my cheeks are flaming and I look as guilty as I feel.‘I’m boring.’
The conversation moves on, but I can’t stop thinking about what Violet said about being cheated on.How it’s eerily like my most horrible story, the one I’ve kept to myself.Buried under so much shame and embarrassment that I’ve never told anyone but Meredith and Caleb.
The one where I lost everything and unwittingly became the villain.
The one that destroyed what little faith I had left in romance.
The one that made me an easy target for someone like Brand.
Knox’s hand slips under the back of my jacket, but all the cosiness from before is gone.
‘I’m going to go and get some more water for the table.’I stand, needing space and cool air to clear my head.
He starts to stand too.‘I’m good,’ I say.‘I’ll be right back.’
But I don’t go back.Not right away.I find a spot on the corner of the balcony that overlooks the Ovens River and close my eyes.Feel the bite of the chill that even the sun can’t banish.Listen to the rustling leaves of the gum trees.Hold on to the rail and do my best not to spiral.
You didn’t know, I remind myself.
But it doesn’t matter.A marriage broke up because of me.My actions helped destroy something that was supposed to be sacred and special andenduring.
Suddenly, I’m angry.Furious, even.Because you know what?Itdoesmatter.I didn’t know.It wasn’t my marriage.I wasn’t in the wrong.All I was guilty of was trusting someone and thenovercorrecting.Brand was supposed to be a safe choice, and look at what a disaster that’s become.And now he’s going after Knox and Alizée’s.None of that would’ve happened if I’d been smarter with my choices.
These men have all taken so much from me.
