Page 53 of In the Long Run
To be the guy she counts on.
To be the guy who kisses her goodnight at her door.Maybe even gets invited in one day and asked to stay.
‘What are you doing?’she asks when I follow her up the stairs to her apartment.
‘I’m walking you home.’
With Gen standing two stairs above me, we’re eye level, which means I don’t miss a single second of the abundance of emotions that roll across her face.I fucking love how expressive she is.It twists me up inside imagining how that might translate to the bedroom.To life in general …
She raises her eyebrows.‘I am home.’
‘I’ll be seeing you to your door, Gen.’
Her lips twitch.‘The door that’s only about ten metres from your door?’The teasing lilt in her voice and the sparkle in her eyes ruin me and, dangerously, theyencourageme.
‘It’s what a gentleman would do.’
Her mouth opens and her tongue peeks out, wetting her bottom lip.I’d start our kiss by sucking on that lip, teasing her and enjoying the way her breath would warm my cheeks.I already know what she sounds like when she moans.But like a good soldier, I’d do a thorough reconnaissance.Make sure I discovered all her other noises too.
‘Are you always a gentleman?’Her words are breathy, and her eyes have lost some of their focus.Or maybe it’s mine that have.
A gentleman wouldn’t do the things I’m imagining.Like pushing her against the wall, coaxing her thighs up around my hips and kissing her until she forgets her own name.
Gen sways towards me.Our lips are millimetres apart and I’m drowning in sensations, in her.The way her hand tangles in the hair at the nape of my neck.How she holds my gaze, not blinkingor shying away.I nudge her nose with mine, smell the lemony scent of the limoncello her father insisted we enjoy as a nightcap.
‘Is that what you’d want?Someone to be gentle with you?’I whisper.
‘I don’t know what I want,’ Gen says.
The moment pops and my ears are ringing for all the wrong reasons.
‘Shit.I’m sorry.’Gen blinks and steps back, stumbling for the handrail to stop herself from falling up the stairs, which never would’ve happened.Not with my hands gripping her waist.My touch is possessive and – I swallow – unwelcome.I’m too much.I’ve come on too strong.
‘Nothing to apologise for,’ I murmur, before pressing a chaste kiss against her cheek.‘Let’s get you home.’
Her hand cradles where my lips just were, and she nods wordlessly.I follow her to the top of the stairs but don’t step onto the landing.Instead I watch as she unlocks her door and steps inside.
21
GEN
Like everything in life, running is a series of contradictions.
You’ve got to be careful not to overtrain.But you’ve got to do the work if you want to see results.It’s important to rest.But if you don’t push yourself, you won’t improve.
The dull headache that I woke up with at three a.m.has transformed into a throbbing pain, but I push on, forcing one foot in front of the other.I considered skipping this morning’s session when I saw how thick the fog was but I’m a completionist, so I dragged myself out of bed and into a quick shower to try and clear my head.Not even one of the eucalyptus steamers Caleb covets like they’re made of gold helped.
My watch timer beeps and I slow to a jog.Everything feels too heavy, too hard.
Three more intervals.
And then I’ll go home.I’d go to Alizée’s, but I don’t want to run into Knox.Not after I embarrassed us both last night.By the time I realised he thought I didn’t want him, he’d already backed off.All I’d meant was that I didn’t know what I wanted from him because he’s only in Melbourne until Eugene’s better and then he’ll go back to Brisbane.And if what he was saying last night is correct, after that he’ll be moving overseas.I’m not the kind of girl who can do casual relationships – no judgement about thosewho can – so where does that leave us?Is there any point even trying when we’d be doomed before we began?
I breathe deeply, sucking air all the way down to my diaphragm, but my heart races and my stomach roils.My Garmin beeps, signalling the end of my rest period, and I pick up my pace, moving my arms faster, praying my legs will follow.
As I approach the end of the path that runs along the Esplanade, I realise I’ve misjudged my distance.If I keep going straight, I’ll eventually end up too far away from home.I’m already cold and grumpy.But if I go through a bit of Pinnacle Park, I could loop back and finish right near the apartment block.I hesitate, casting my gaze around the path in front of me.I wouldn’t be going near the section of the park Mum was talking about at dinner.My head pounds like a drum.I just want to get home and climb back into bed.I veer left into the park.
I’m midway through my second interval when someone barrels out into me from behind the toilet block.
