Page 46 of In the Long Run
I check my watch.Five minutes before we’re supposed to start.Today’s groupisa lot smaller than previous weeks.Then I remember something.‘I was watching TikToks last night—’
‘Really?’A more genuine smile blossoms on Gen’s face.Ha – Gen-uine.Jesus.I should show myself out.But who am I kidding?While she’s been avoiding me this week, I’ve been looking for her everywhere.Around the bend of every run, in each of the classes I’ve attended at Get Fit, Get Strom and while I read to Eugene in the afternoons in the courtyard.
Gen raises her eyebrows and I blink back to the present.
‘A Sydney club posted about the same thing,’ I say.‘Well, kind of.Their running focus is more social, but it could still work for us.They split their group into two sections.One for those who want to flirt or make connections’—I rub my chest when Gen’s gaze shifts away from me—‘and another for people who really want to push themselves, et cetera.’
Gen chews on her bottom lip.‘It’s hard because we don’t want to imply that people who come to socialise aren’t real runners.’
‘True.’
‘I guess we can figure it out as we go?’
If only that was true for other things too.
‘Maybe we should put some distance between us for a bit?Stop running together.’
Hold on.Figuring it outistrue for other things.I can figure things out on the fly.I’ve been trained to look at situations critically and assess all the potential outcomes.But I don’t have to do a huge analysis for everything.I could just trust myself.I could try.
‘About the other day,’ I start, needing to clear the air.To find a way back to the place we were before I hurt Gen’s feelings.I can’t stand the idea that I made her question herself.
Gen pales.‘We don’t have to revisit that conversation.’
The fact that she knows immediately which one I’m referringto spurs me forward, reinforcing that we do have to.I take a deep breath.‘I’m not good with my words—’
‘Knox.I swear, it’s fine.’
‘—but I wanted to explain—’
‘I’d rather you didn’t.’Her runners scuff through the dewy grass under our feet.
‘I don’t want to kiss you—’
‘Oh my God, Knox, please stop.This is mortifying.’Gen’s shoulders curl forward and she wraps her arms around her torso like she’s holding herself together, protecting herself from me.It kills me.
‘I don’t want to kiss you and have it be just for public consumption.’I finally get the whole sentence out and swallow.‘I’d want it to mean something.’
Her eyes snap to mine, widening as her mouth opens the tiniest bit.
‘I’d like to kiss you, Gen.’It’s the easiest confession I’ve ever made.
‘Oh.’
Looks like it’s my turn to render her speechless.‘You don’t have to say anything.I just wanted you to know.’
‘That’s …’ Gen bites her bottom lip.‘I thought … you …’
‘I should’ve said that last week,’ I reply softly, ‘and I’m very sorry I hurt your feelings.’
Her gaze searches my face, the moment between us suspended, but this time it feels good.Like we’re both on the same page.
‘Hey!’Pete calls and the moment shatters.‘We running or what?’
‘We should, um …’ Gen points to the cluster of people waiting for us.
‘Of course, yeah.’
Twenty-eight kilometres was always going to feel long, but today?It feels endless.
