Page 42 of In the Long Run
Celeste stabs at her piece of quiche, leaning as far away from him as she can.‘Your ego should come with its own postcode.Anyway, my point was that you guys could be a bit more touchy-feely.’
‘I’m great at touchy—’ Yeti starts but Celeste cuts him off with a glare and, from the way he winces, I suspect a swift kick under the table.
‘It’s not going to happen, Yeti.Never.Ever.’
He clutches his chest dramatically.‘You wound me.’
‘I’ve been thinking about writing a cookbook,’ Eugene says loudly.‘Full of my favourite recipes.’
‘That’s a great idea,’ I say because it really is, and I’m also glad the topic of conversation has moved on.
‘You could work on it at Alizée’s if you wanted to get out of the house,’ Celeste suggests.Eugene hasn’t been there since his accident.
He smiles sadly at his salad.‘I’m not ready yet.Maybe once I start hydrotherapy and I can move around a bit more.’
‘We could pop in one day this week,’ I suggest.‘You could see the new record system I’ve set up.And Gen could show you how well the business is doing.We’ve been working hard.’
His heavy sigh saturates the air in the room.‘I don’t know, mate.There’s still plenty of time for you to show me all of this before you have to …’
He doesn’t need to finish his sentence.The missing word is written all over everyone’s face.
Before I have toleavein September.I’ve managed to tack a few weeks of extra leave on to what was initially approved so I can stay until after the run, but the deadline for my departure creeps closer every day.
The rest of dinner’s pretty quiet.
‘What are your thoughts on kissing?’Gen asks as our runners crunch over the dead leaves covering the path to the car park behind Alizée’s.
I blink in surprise.‘In general?’Because I’m a fan.Who isn’t?
‘About kissing me,’ she clarifies to the ground, because she’s sure as shit not looking at me.
I’ve spent the last few days avoiding the conversation Celeste tried to start at dinner the other night, because I’d assumed it had made Gen uncomfortable.‘I’m confused.’
‘About kissing me?’This time Gen’s eyes meet mine.They’re full of uncertainty.‘I was thinking about what Celeste said.How maybe we should be more physical with each other.And Brand’s started blowing up my phone again.I don’t know … It wouldn’t mean anything.’She rushes to add the last sentence, and her words stack on top of each other.Her walking pace picks up too.
But that’s where she’s wrong, and why I haven’t pushed or tried to talk to her about this earlier.Because I know myself.Kissing Gen would mean something to me.
It would mean giving in to the attraction that hangs around like a shadow every time we’re together.
It would mean giving her a part of myself that I haven’t given anyone for a long time.
And, this is the biggest thing, the one that I’m most scared of: kissing Gen could be the thing that changes everything.Makes me lose the control I’ve worked so hard to hold onto.Shit.It might even make me hopeful.
She laughs uneasily, waving at Violet, who’s chatting to Anneke, and I realise I haven’t responded.
‘It’s fine,’ Gen says, fingers twisting in the long sleeves of her running top.‘I don’t know what I was thinking.We don’t need to do it.Celeste is overreacting.Alizée’s profits are up, Croissants and Kilometres is growing each week.And it’s cool if it repulses you.’Her tone implies she’s joking, but the truth lies in the firm set of her shoulders, the way she’s biting her bottom lip.
Well, damn.I’ve stuffed this up, haven’t I?
‘I … no.That’s not … I didn’t …’ But the words I need are nowhere to be found.Probably because I have no idea what they are.I know what they aren’t, and that’sDid you want to kiss me?orDo you ever wonder if this thing between us could be real?
Gen nods.‘This is good.Now we know where we both stand.Celeste got in my head and I was being silly.I’ll lead the warm-up today.I want to remind everyone that they can set up some Strava segments for the club.’
Gen speeds away, her ponytail swinging from side to side and her steps so rushed she’s basically sprinting.
I follow slowly, weighed down by all the thoughts I’ve tried to ignore.But there’s one I can’t escape.
I don’t want to kiss Gen for show.
