Page 115 of In the Long Run
‘You know how you have things all over your desk, Sir?’It’s a weird way to start a conversation, but Knox’s breathing is steady and sure.‘All the family pictures and different things you’ve collected from your career?’
‘I do,’ his boss says slowly, and I suspect I’m not the only person wondering where Knox is going with this.
‘My desk has always been empty.No pictures, no little curios or knickknacks.No signs of a life outside of work.’
‘And?’His boss’s tone is curious.
Knox takes a deep breath, and when he speaks his voice cracks but he doesn’t pause, doesn’t falter.‘I want that.’
I press closer, planting a small kiss underneath his jaw, which earns me a quick thigh squeeze.
‘I want to make memories and fill my life in ways I haven’t let myself before.And I need to be transparent with you before the posting order is issued.Sir, my priorities have changed.’
We’re both holding our breath, because while I still don’t know much about the Army, I’m conscious that this is going to cause a lot of headaches.
‘How so?’
‘Do you know about my parents?’Knox asks.
‘I’m aware of your situation.’
‘I’ve carried a lot of shame around because of what they did.And I’ve made some poor decisions because of it.I’ve spent so much time trying to do the right thing by everyone else that I forgot to do the right thing for myself so I could be happy.I don’t want to leave Melbourne.’
‘Because there’s something there that makes you happy?’
Knox tips my face towards his and, holding my gaze, he says, ‘Yes, Sir.I’ve met someone and they showed me how different things could be.All the things that I’ve gone without have been by my own choice, and I own that.I’ve let my fears hold me back, but I don’t want to do that anymore.I can do my current job just as well from Melbourne as I can in Brisbane.Or if you’d prefer to have someone actually in headquarters then I’ll do any other job in Melbourne.Literally any.’
‘And if I say no?Tell you that it’s Washington or nothing?’
I tense automatically.
‘Then, with the utmost respect, Sir, I’d thank you for the opportunity and put in my discharge.’
I stifle a gasp.I mean, it’s romantic but it’s also alotof pressure.
‘You’d give up everything you’ve worked for?’
‘Are you sure?’I whisper, so low I worry he might not hear me.It’s pointless though, because his boss asks the same question.
‘It’s time for me to put myself first, Sir.’
I love the way he’s phrased that.It’s intentional, too.I’m sure of it, which convinces me that it’s true.This is Knox making the best decision for himself.Not because he thinks it’s what I want – even though it is – or it’s what will make the people who care about him happy.He angles the phone away from his mouth and presses his lips to my ear.
‘I’m sure, Halliday.’
‘Then I guess I’ll see what I can do,’ his boss says.‘No promises.’
‘Thank you, Sir.’
Their conversation continues for another minute, but I zone it out.
Knox is staying.
We can be together.
And right now I’d like to wash away everything that’s happened today – even though I’ve already showered – and in all the days leading up to this moment.Call it a rebirth if you will.A new beginning.A better version of us that will be real and intentional and enduring.
‘Where are you going?’Knox asks as I shift off his lap and stand, holding out my hand to him.
