Page 106 of In the Long Run
Because he loved Alizée so much that losing her destroyed him?At least, that’s what I’ve always assumed.I verbalise my thoughts in a softer way.‘Because you don’t want anyone else?’
He smiles.‘Because I don’t need anyone else.But sometimes I think I’ve done you as much of a disservice as your parents did, you know.’
I lean back against the couch, unsure of where this unexpected tangent is going.‘How do you figure that?’
‘I should’ve talked to you more about this when you were younger.I’ve inadvertently set another bad example for love.’
I shake my head.‘I don’t understand.’
‘Your parents couldn’t see past their love for each other, and it had terrible consequences for you and everyone around them.’
My father told me once that the only thing he regretted about their crimes was that they had to serve their sentences separately.He never mentioned me.
‘And after Alizée passed, well, I never tried with anyone else.She would be furious with me for that, by the way.She’d have wanted me to find someone new who made me smile.’Eugene clasps his hands together in front of his chest.‘But that wasn’t right for me, and that was my choice.All my smiles will always belong to her.If I could go back in time, I’d still sit down next to the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen and tell her I was going to name a pâtisserie after her one day.I’d convince her to give this guy from the other side of the world who couldn’t speak French without a terrible accent a chance.Because the years I had with her make everything worth it, even losing her and having to live without her.’
Tears prick at my eyes.They’re swimming in Eugene’s.
‘Don’t you get lonely?’I ask.
‘Sure.’He shrugs.‘But I’d be lonelier without my memories.And I’m happy with my choice.It was the right one for me.I don’t have any regrets.’
‘I don’t want to leave,’ I confess.
‘Then you don’t leave,’ Eugene says simply.‘You make your life work for you.’
‘It’s that easy, huh?’My laugh is watery.
Eugene plays with his wedding ring.‘It really is.’
I picture it all as I walk to the Clamshell.Surprising Gen and her family.Showing her that I’m all in.
I push open the door, my gaze searching the crowded dining room.Anneke is sitting at a table in the middle with a guy wholooks like he’s early forties.Luckily for her – and him – he has a full head of hair that can’t possibly be fake.I return her wave but keep weaving through the tables.It’s too cold for the Hallidays to be sitting out the front, and they aren’t in any of the booths.
After another lap of the dining room where I recognise more faces from Croissants and Kilometres and the gym, I remember Gen saying that her mum likes to make everyday events special.And that Caleb can usually hook them up with the function space upstairs if it’s not booked.
With each step up the stairs, my confidence grows.Gen’s going to look up and see me, and my favourite smile will spread across her face.It’s the one that starts with her biting her lower lip and transforms into a blush.I love that smile.I’ll tilt my head to the side and shrug.It’ll be a wordless apology that I’ll follow with a verbal one once we’re alone.And all the other things I should’ve already told her.
I smooth a hand down the button-up I threw on before leaving the house.Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes.This is it.I’m so fucking proud of myself for being here.
I’m about to step through the slightly ajar door when I register the conversation that’s happening inside the room.
‘Knox isn’t the one for me,’ Gen says.
I freeze, hand outstretched, ears straining.
‘It wasn’t ever serious.Just a bit of fun between two people who are in the same place at the same time.I’m sorry if you got your hopes up.’
Her words are a sledgehammer to my chest.
‘Genevieve …’ Eva says something else, but it’s muffled and I don’t catch it.Not that it matters, really.What Gen says is the only thing that’s important.
‘Don’t “Genevieve” me, Mum.Not everything is a great love story.Sometimes things just are what they are.’
‘But you’ve been so happy!’Eva says.Or maybe I’m imagining it because my ears are ringing.
‘It’s been great, but it’s not going anywhere.’
I saw it going everywhere.
