Page 53 of Ice Cold, Red Hot
I didn’t have an answer. My life was unraveled, and before the weekend I’d gotten another note from Ethan, demanding more money to keep things quiet. It was like I’d dug a hole, and I just kept shoveling all the good parts of my life into it. There was no end in sight.
Blake rose, went to the chair where he’d dropped his duffel and dug through it. He returned and dropped a folder in my lap.
“What’s this?” I flipped it open. There was a team roster with my name circled, and a bunch of notes in the margin.
“Scout notes. Lou Jeffries. He’s keeping an eye on you.”
“I’m on the bench.”
“For now.”
“For the rest of the season.”
Blake sat back down. “Look, I made a few calls. Just so you’d understand that hockey isn’t done with you yet. Unless you’re done with hockey.”
I didn’t want to feel the hope that rose up inside me. The undeserved boost I got from the idea that maybe it wasn’t over. “Why are you doing this?” I asked him.
“Because someone has to remind you that being down is not the same thing as being done. And Dad’s not really good at pep talks. I know that from experience.” Blake dropped a hand on my shoulder as he spoke, and that single pat of support felt like the first step back out of the darkness.
I gazed at my brother, the one I’d always idolized, the one who’d always been just enough older that we were never really close. “Thanks,” I said, dropping my gaze to the notes in my lap. I was on the verge of tears and I didn’t want him to know that. But when he pulled me into arough hug, I couldn’t help it. They streamed down my face. “Thank you.”
That night I watched Blake leave, feeling like something had shifted between us. No matter what else happened now, I felt like I had someone in my corner.
When he was gone, I went to the rink and slipped in behind the cleaning crew, grabbing my skates out of my locker and flipping on the lights.
It was eerie, only the hum of the lights vibrating through the chilly arena. And when I stepped onto the ice, my senses filled with that sharp scent, the familiar sound of my blades cutting the ice. I closed my eyes, let my muscles take over as I breathed in the icy air and let it settle inside me. It felt a lot like coming home.
I wasn’t ready to quit.
CHAPTER 24
CELESTE
“Nat, how many times can you rewatchGame of Thrones?” I was at the table pretending to work while Nat binged Netflix.
“It’s better every time. Plus… dragons, Ceese.”
“Dragons.”
We were quiet for a while, and I flipped my phone up, automatically opening Instagram and looking at Shepherd’s profile. He hadn’t posted anything in at least a week, and stalking the Coldwater athletics profile didn’t turn up anything either. I told myself we were over, but I’d decided that a little innocent stalking wouldn’t hurt anything.
He’d asked me to stay away, right? Told me I was a distraction.
But I knew he’d been blackmailed, and hadn’t gotten in touch. And now? I’d stopped it, and I still had no idea how he was doing. Every time I didn’t text, it felt a little less like respecting his wishes and a little more like I was losing something. Someone.
“You’re staring at the phone like it owes you money.”
“I’m just thinking about everything.”
“All the lab shit? Ethan?”
“Yeah.” I turned to face her as she paused the screeching dragons on the screen. “I should feel good, right? I won. I did the right thing.”
“You should feel good.”
“But the thing is, he doesn’t know.”
“Who, Shepherd?” Nat asked.
