Page 24 of Ice Cold, Red Hot
CHAPTER 12
SHEPHERD
“It’s not the same thing. You have no idea?—”
Celeste moved then, getting in my face. “Don’t even start. You think I have no idea what it means to be under pressure? To need to focus? I’m working my ass off to be here. Did you know that I send money home every week, that I pay my family’s rent? Did you know that I’m buried in student loans? I’ll be lucky if I ever pay them off. You don’t want to be distracted? I don’t even have the luxury of considering it. I can’t afford to screw this up.” The words came out fast, and there were tears standing in her eyes when she finished.
As she wiped at her face, I realized how impossible this situation actually was. She was juggling so much more than just some guy who couldn’t seem to get his act together around her. For her, this was serious. Her whole family counted on her.
I couldn’t hold her gaze as I realized I really was the privileged asshole she probably saw me as. I was worriedabout a game. About my daddy’s approval. She was worried about real life.
Until that moment, I’d wanted a solution. I’d thought there must be some way to figure it out. Things between us felt so fucking right—how could the universe mean for anything besides us being together? But now I got it. It couldn’t happen.
I gritted my teeth and shoved a hand through my hair. “That’s exactly why this can’t happen.”
“Excuse me?”
“You need someone steady. Reliable. Not a cocky hockey player with a six-month expiration date.” I stood and grabbed my boxer briefs and jeans from the end of the bed, shoving my feet into them. I stared at the closet door as I finished. “You need a guy like Ethan.”
“Wow. That’s rich. You telling me what I need,” she said.
“I’m serious. He’s got his whole life planned out. He won’t let you down. He’s perfect.”
“Maybe you should date him.”
“I mean it.”
She stood, stepping in front of me, the comforter falling from her perfect breasts. I fought the urge to reach for her, forcing my hands to my sides. “And you will? Let me down?”
I already knew the answer and so did she.
“So that’s it? You really think I’d want Ethan the way I want…”
She didn’t finish the question, and the word she didn’t say just about broke me. My whole body shuddered withthe effort to keep my hands at my sides. I wanted to touch her. To claim her. To keep her.
But I couldn’t.
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I do need someone more reliable. Steady,” she said, her voice laced with steel now. “I’m sure about one thing. I need someone who actually gives a shit about me.”
Ouch.
I watched as she stormed out of her room into the bathroom, slamming the door.
I dropped to the bed for one second, sweeping my shirt off the floor and putting it on. If she only knew exactly how much I did care about her. That was exactly why I had to let her go.
I didn’t sleep much. My mind was running a highlight reel of the night before. Celeste… her body. Her voice. Her hands. God, her mouth. And most of all… her. The way I felt when she was next to me, when she looked at me with those caramel eyes, full of trust, full of want…
It was too much.
I didn’t regret that I’d broken, given in to how much I wanted her. But if I thought I could have her once and get it out of my system. Well, I regretted what an idiotic thought that had been. She wasn’t that kind of girl—the kind you attain and then walk away from. Those girls were all around the hockey rink, the puck bunnies offering themselves up for conquest, for fun.
Celeste was something completely different. The kind ofgirl who only gets better the deeper you go. One taste would never be enough. One night would never sate the need. Instead, it just drove that need deeper inside me, making me need her that much more.
In other words, I was fucked.
And it only became more obvious at practice.
The second my skates hit the ice, I knew I was off.
