Page 28 of Ice Cold, Red Hot
For a long beat, we just sat there, side by side, something dark and and sad resting on the couch between us. Eventually, it was clear there was nothing else I could do. I stood.
“Shepherd, I get it. That’s all I came here to say. I can’t afford distractions either. And if you need one, a friend—I’m here.”
Shepherd looked up at me then, so much raw emotion in his dark eyes that I was sure he was going to say something real, something true. Instead, his gaze shuttered, and he looked away. “Great. Thanks so much.” His sarcastic tone was back, like nothing I’d said had gotten through.
“Seriously?”
“Look, if you get it, then you get why this has to stop. Why we can’t be friends.” He stood and opened the front door.
“Because I’m just a distraction.” I stared at him, but he didn’t respond. Just looked over my head and clenched his jaw so hard I was sure his teeth were cracking. “Got it.”
I walked across the hall, unlocked my door, and slammed it shut.
“Well, good evening to you too!” Nat called from the kitchen table.
“Sorry,” I said, moving to sit across from her. “Long day.”
She wiggled her eyebrows. “Long night too, I’m guessing.”
Did she know? “What do you mean?”
Natalie laughed. “Oh, come on, CeeCee. You guys weren’t quiet. I live here, remember?”
Served her right for all the times I’d had to listen to her and Evan, I guessed. “Sorry.”
She grinned. “I’m just glad you’re finally getting things all… worked out.” The grin dropped. “It was Ren, right?”
“Unfortunately,” I confirmed.
“Why unfortunately?”
I let out the sigh I’d been holding in, doing my best to blow out all the disappointment and hurt I felt where Shepherd was concerned. “It’s just… it’s never going to work. I’m his TA, for one thing. And he’s a complete jerk, for another.”
Nat just stared at me, waiting for more. When I said nothing, she asked, “so last night was…?”
“It was nothing.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“To him, anyway. And to me too, if I’m smart.”
She sat back in her chair, sharp eyes watching me. “You’re smart,” she said.
“Not that smart.”
For the rest of the week, I saw Shepherd once. In section.
It was the most uncomfortable hour of my life as I guided the group through discussion of this week’s lecture. I did my best to talk around the gloomy, glowering man in the chair farthest from where I stood, but I was pretty sure everyone in the room was picking up on whatever the weird tension between us was. Shepherd left without saying a word when I dismissed the class, and I sank into a chair, feeling like I’d just run a marathon.
This could not go on.
Thursday afternoon Nat tried to get me to go to the hockey game with her, but it was literally the last place I needed to be. Seeing all that ferocity channeled into his fists again? No thanks.
Instead, I kept my head over my desk in my office, going through assignments and grading papers.
When a rap sounded on the door, I jumped.
“Hey, sorry to startle you.” Ethan. I’d been avoiding him all week, sending back one line texts that I hoped weren’t rude. I didn’t know what to say to him.
