Page 33 of The Prince and the Puck
“What’s the plan, then?” Coach asked in a gruff voice.
“Well, it’s really threefold. The first part is linking the team to a charitable cause. Combining forces with another organization amplifies any public relations efforts we make. And any kind of time or money we can give to a charitable organization only benefits the Wombats—by demonstrating your commitment to the community in which you live and work.”
Well done, Lizzy.
The Wombats clapped and cheered again, until the coach gave us all dirty looks and told us to shut up.
“So that’s part one—we need to select a charity that fits the bill.
“Part two will sound a little strange, but please bear with me. I’d like to spend some time doing a photo shoot with the Wombats team members.”
“A photo shoot?” The coach did not sound excited. “These guys aren’t models, Lizzy. Some of them don’t even have all their teeth.”
After he said this, Adam Wyler popped up and removed the bridge that held the four front teeth he’d lost last year when weplayed against the Storm Chasers. He held the bridge up like a trophy, grinning his gap-toothed smile as everyone laughed.
Lizzy, however, looked a bit concerned.
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep them in for the pictures,” Adam said before taking his seat again.
The room quieted, and Lizzy continued. “The idea would be to put together a charity calendar featuring the Wombats and highlighting one particularly impressive feature of real wombats.”
I waited for the delivery of the final bit, hoping Lizzy could do it—hoping she’d practiced a bit more than when she’d told me the idea.
“I don’t know how many of you are familiar with how wombats behave in the wild, but they are fascinating creatures. They’re marsupials, which you probably know, but their pouches are actually upside down,” she said, looking around at the gathered men who all wore slightly quizzical expressions. “That’s so that when they dig, which they’re really adept at, they don’t end up shoveling dirt into the pouch.”
“Ah,” murmured a few more interested players.
“And even though they’re pretty short and squat, they move astonishingly fast, like twenty-five miles an hour.”
“Just like Van!” yelled someone in the back.
“Shut it,” Van said, sounding amused.
“They also do an interesting thing with their feces,” Lizzy said.
But Sly Remington was already talking. “Yeah, yeah. They poop cubes. And they stack them, like Jenga towers. It’s amazing.”
“Leave it to Sly to know everything there is to know about wombat poop,” Rock Stevens said, earning a laugh.
“Right, but the other really amazing thing about these creatures is the way they use their butts.” The laughter had already begun.
Coach stood up and faced the room. “Is there ever going to be a day when any of you might not act like six-year-olds?” The answer was no. But nobody was going to say that to the coach. We quieted down and waited for Lizzy to finish.
“So when a predator follows a wombat into its burrow, trying to eat it, the wombat squats down low and waits until the predator’s head is above its rear end. Then, with amazing force and power, it pushes its body up against the burrow entrance and crushes the predator’s head between the hard, plate-like structures of its butt and the top of the hole.”
“Killer butt,” Solamentes said, looking pleased. There were other sounds of glee around the room, and when it was quiet again, Lizzy went on.
“So, the calendar would highlight this aspect of your anatomy as well—but in a tasteful way, of course. We could sell the calendars at the games, and all or some of the proceeds could benefit the charity you select.”
Everyone looked at the coach expectantly.
“Yeah, fine. Good.”
Lizzy looked as surprised as I was that Coach had bought in. That was great. She still needed to talk about Wilma the Wombat, but Coach was already diving into his expectations for the next week, when the team had a bye. He pointed at Lizzy, telling her this would be the best time for the photo shoot. She agreed. We were excused then, and Derek Reed approached Lizzy at the same time I did.
“Hey, Lizzy?”
“Yes?” She turned to him.
