Page 64 of Torched Spades
“But—”
“I want the referral, Dr. Brennan.”
Her jaw tightens. “And if I refuse?”
I smile. Not because she’s challenging me, but because they’re the exact words I said to Owen that first day at the courthouse when he told me I’d be seeingher. “Then I suppose I’ll end up with Providence’s psychological version of a public defender,” I say, holding her stare as I resume flipping the card. “Our deal has long expired, Becca. Refer me to someone you trust or don’t. Either way, you and I are finished.”
Chapter Twenty
JOHNNY
The shockon Becca’s face is palpable. It’s obvious she didn’t think I’d use her half-hearted offer against her. Hopefully, she takes this as a lesson—never make threats you aren’t prepared to carry out.
“You won’t find anyone in Providence more qualified to treat your pyrophilia.”
I don’t know what disappoints me more—the fact that she’s not fighting my ultimatum or that she’s still clutching onto a lie.
“Are we still pretending we both aren’t fully aware that diagnosis is a crock of shit? Come on, Doc. That’s what that whole red lipstick show was about; a test, am I right? You knew by our second appointment I was lying”—halting my movement, I motion the card at her—“yet you never called me out on it. Why?”
“It’s not my job to tell you what you believe.”
“Enough with the rhetoric, Dr. Brennan. You didn’t challenge me because then the game would be over. Hiding under the pyrophilia umbrella made it okay to sling erotic metaphors back and forth and have damn near pornographic discussions about fucking and fire. To use one of your favorite words, downgrading to pyromania would’ve made all that incrediblyunethical.”
Her high heels snap against the hardwood as she leaps to her feet. “That’s not true!”
“Isn’t it? Then you tell me, Doc? Why stay silent? Why keep treating me for a bullshit diagnosis for not one but three more weeks?”
“Maybe I was trying to figure out if there’s more to you than just pyromania—like maybe dissociative personality disorder.” Folding her arms across her chest, she takes a bold step forward. “Exactly how many versions of you are in there, Johnny?”
Time fucking freezes. “Be very careful, Becca. I’m warning you.”
“Oh, you’re warning me?” she drawls. “So you’re threatening me now? Should I write that in your chart next to all the other bullshit?”
I close my fist, crushing the card in my hand. “What the hell are you getting at?”
She’s all but vibrating as she takes another step toward me. “Do you understand how twisted it is to lie about a serious disorder because you don’t ‘feel’ like complying with your sentence?”
Holding her stare, I let out an indiscernible breath.Fucking hell, the punishment I want to inflict on this woman…For a moment, I thought the one person I’m risking everything to protect was about to burn it to the ground. “You don’t understand—”
“You’re damn right, I don’t understand,” she hisses. “Thereisno surrogate for a true pyrophiliac, Johnny.” The flame in her blue eyes darkens, reminding me of the heat from my Zippo. “You’re right. I knew you were lying. Why do you think I wore your ‘supposed’ trigger to your next appointment? Had you, by some small stretch of the imagination, been telling the truth, a sexual response would’ve happened immediately, not forty-five minutes and a high-def view later.”
“Yet you said nothing.” I step closer, my smile spreading as hers slips. “You continued treating me for a disorder you claim I don’t have. What does that say about your moral compass?”
“That it broke the moment it led me down the wrong courthouse hallway,” she says with a flourish. She’s so proud of herself, I almost hate to take a wrecking ball to that golden pedestal she’s perched herself on.
“That’s enough, Becca. Shut your mouth, or I’ll shut it for you.”
“What are you going to do? Wrap a hand around my throat?”
“No,” I say, wrapping the word in a deadly calm. “Rip your fucking panties off and shove them down in it.”
I could easily grab her wrists and shove her against her desk, but that’d be too easy. Becca isn’t just any prey to attack and devour. She’s a game of wills and a battle of endurance. With her, the chase is just as important as the kill.
“You didn’t call me on my lies because you were afraid I’d renege on our deal. You’ll never admit it, but there’s something about me you can’t stop yourself from wanting. You hate yourself for it, but not enough to push me away.”
“Johnny—”
“But I’m not the type of man who belongs in your world, Becca. I don’t admire beautiful butterflies like you.” Closing the distance between us, I take a firm grip on her arms. “Do you know what I do with them, Doc?”
